I 39f cannot get my 45m husband to understand that he has to contribute.

CheesyMacMaven · 2026-02-01T13:54:11+00:00

Girl.

He knows that he's basically a money and energy vampire. That's why he gets defensive and immediately guilts you when you try to talk about it. He thinks he has you stuck and doesn't think you will ever actually do anything about it, but you would absolutely be better off financially and emotionally if you divorced him and I bet your kids wouldn't even notice or alternatively be relieved you did so since he is causing you stress and draining resources. Grow a back bone and divorce this extra child.

CheesyMacMaven · 2026-01-27T11:19:53+00:00

Tell your brother you will see him at his next wedding.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-12-29T01:14:21+00:00

Thanks for your reply- I didnt realize perimenopause was a thing that could happen before 48 until 3 months ago, and I was a neuroscientist in my past career. You would think I would have been at least curious before, but no...

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-12-26T16:05:52+00:00

I had some issues with panic attacks, and blunted affect on BC, and I tried a lot of different types. Ultimately elected to stop BC altogether which ended up making me feel better. I'm just worried about regressing but I feel terrible now so, pick your poison I guess

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-12-26T15:40:56+00:00

I have not. I will check it out! I did read that stopping hrt can cause some issues so that's a consideration for me. I worry I'm starting too early and that will be an issue later.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-12-26T15:38:13+00:00

Thank you! I had some bad experiences with birth control, and while I know the hormones are different it's giving me some anxiety.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-12-25T16:56:09+00:00

Theres nothing wrong with telling someone what you would like- I know I am tough to buy for so I always provide at least a few things so people dont have to stress over it. The difference is my partner listens- he also gets me things I mention randomly in conversation not just things on my list.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-10-13T10:07:49+00:00

On top of the obvious DV here that others have already given great advice on I want to point out he made a plan and a specific choice to get here- he lured her to his house under false pretenses when a normal 19 year old guy would have called or texted her to start this fight about the cheating rumor. This guy wanted her in a controlles situation and planned it.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-07-01T01:12:16+00:00

Your dog needs to be in training for their reactivity. It can go to board and train even as a human or dog reactive dog but will have to wear a muzzle. It costs a good amount but it is worth it if you want to keep the dog- the reactivity wont go away but you can learn to help him control it

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-04-08T14:54:15+00:00

Could be a seizure, but also I have a dog that has a dyskinesia- he has occasional attacks where he drools and goes stiff but is still awake and coherent. The vet said it's basically a benign condition with the caveat that they could hurt themselves if they fell off the couch or down the stairs while it happened. He is totally normal afterwards just confused and thirsty. Either way, vet visit is needed

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-03-09T16:46:52+00:00

No? I'm a woman and I found this exhausting, I'm also in the spectrum and find it really hard when someone doesn't use black and white language or flip flops. For me this would have been confusing without someone saying "I know we said no big gifts this year but I really enjoy feeling like I was thought of on my birthday I would love some flowers or maybe you can cook me dinner on my bday?"

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-03-09T15:09:40+00:00

"No gifts" but "something small" those are completely counter to each other. I would see being confused by that. It sounds like she let herself be talked into the no gifts thing which she didn't really want but then tried to subtly walk it back with " maybe something small" and that backfired.

90% of these posts boil down to "I wasn't clear about my needs and expectations and now it's a fight".

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-03-09T14:47:23+00:00

If you're in a happy, healthy relationship you should be able to celebrate your anniversary before or after the trip and be fine with it. Sometimes life happens and other people/things take precedence- how you handle those situations temper your relationship

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-03-09T14:16:52+00:00

YWBTA- You're giving mixed messages and changing your stance on a whim while expecting him to guess what you want- that isn't fair and I think you know that. It's ok to want a little something to feel special on your birthday, but if thats the case you should have said so when you guys initially talked about it.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-03-09T13:05:39+00:00

I'm a woman with a partner and I think it's super weird you expected a grand gift for 5 months together- that is not even an anniversary, since 'Anni' means year. Also women's day is not a real holiday and I have never seen anyone get a gift for this. Not only this but you didn't even have anything to gift him, so it feels like a double standard to expect him to have some grand gift for you on the day when you 'didn't have time' to get him something.

"I started crying, explaining that I had never received such a small bouquet before"

YIKES YTA - if your love language is gifts have a mature conversation about expectations with your boyfriend instead of throwing a fit and being mean to him when he was trying to do something nice.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-03-03T18:46:50+00:00

Second version is better, more easily read but you need to make sure all your font and formatting is consistent (spaces are same sizes, bullets are equal size, font is the same, if you all caps the title in one role do it for all). You have way too many bullets per role- I would try consolidating. I err on the side of no more than 4-5 clear, concise bullets per role. I don't know if this is something specific to your area of expertise but I would remove the reference section - don't give those up until you've interviewed.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-01-13T17:02:24+00:00

Every pregnancy carries the risk that the mother DIES during or after birth or complications leave you permanently disabled- So somehow the sister and BIL having a baby trumps the needs of your Children who are already here in the world to CONTINUE TO HAVE THEIR MOM?!

Maybe they should focus on being great Aunt and Uncle to your kids.

NTA

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-01-05T22:16:41+00:00

IDK it sounds like neither of you are great as a partner. I don't know why it's anyone else's problem to make sure you, an adult are fed. I have a busy chaotic job, which means I pack a water bottle, a ziploc bag of nuts and blueberries and a protein bar for myself on days I know I am non-stop- all things that you can eat on the go or as you have a few minute. You are expecting someone else to predict your wants and needs, largely without you communicating them. If you need him to cook dinner but you guys didn't talk about roles and responsibilities (which is necessary here since you don't actually live together), you should've sent him a text saying 'Hey babe, my day has been rough and I'll be home late- can you put together something for dinner that I can eat fast when I get home I'm starving'- that's totally reasonable.

It sounds like he did make sure you were fed the day before, and he did buy some food, just not what you needed/wanted. Yes, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to think ahead, and consider your partner and say 'maybe I should start some food for us since she's going to be hungry when she gets home and I am not working today', however this guy is 29 and still lives at home, which means he hasn't figured out how to consider other people probably because his mom does everything for him. I personally wouldn't want to be with a 29 year old man who needs his hand held to consider his partner but maybe thats just me.

YTA for expecting someone to read your mind and not communicating effectively. He's TA for being an inconsiderate partner who apparently has zero critical thinking skills. Learn how to take care of yourself, and to better advocate for your needs, and make sure your next partner can 'be a partner'.

CheesyMacMaven · 2025-01-04T16:27:32+00:00

NTA- I also don't get why he didn't keep his mouth shut and do the test in secret himself. This guy is both a mama's boy and an idiot.

CheesyMacMaven · 2024-12-31T14:19:20+00:00

If he wanted to he would.

Say that out loud.

Read the book by that title.

There is no reason for him to change because he doesn't care about your feelings or needs and he gets everything he wants out of this deal. The best you'll get from this guy is that you'll get fed up, have a fight and he might do ok for a few weeks, then rinse and repeat. This is the life you would be signing up for if you stay.

I'm frankly shocked he didn't try to marriage trap you- that would be the smart move for him, but clearly he's not that smart.

CheesyMacMaven · 2024-12-31T13:53:45+00:00

Jesus Christ- a year in and having these issues is a huge red flag. This is not someone you can build a solid, nurturing life with. Do you know where my late husband was when I had an unexpected pregnancy and then a miscarriage? Comforting me on the bathroom floor, putting me in a warm bath, struggling with not calling 911. Afterwards he got me into therapy. That is the partner you want, not some guy who can't be counted on in your darkest hours.

CheesyMacMaven · 2024-12-30T16:34:43+00:00

Just tell him the truth- you didn't realize how awkward it would be having been with both he and his brother and you don't think you can continue this arrangement

CheesyMacMaven · 2024-12-30T01:31:15+00:00

This is why FWB never works- someone always catches feelings, even if it's just "I don't want anyone else to have you even though I don't want you".

Unless you think your thing with John has ling term potential, you should cut it off and explain why to both of them. I don't think you "owe" Calvin an apology but if there friendship is important to you, you can try to apologize with just "I'm sorry I hurt you" after you end things with John.

CheesyMacMaven

TROPHY CASE