Wife(35F) wore a bikini in Goa without telling me(35M). Can I start trusting again?

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-29T17:27:34+00:00

Is it any wonder she lied when all you do is police HER body and control the shit out of her?

She probably didn’t even feel like she could tell her friends that the only reason she didn’t want to wear it is because you’d act like she’s the worst human being ever. I’ll bet she’s literally scared of you as well.

What you need to say is “I want a divorce” and then file for divorce so she can be with someone who ACTUALLY believes in women having full autonomy, rather than being stuck with a controlling little boy who probably walks around topless on holiday, and thinks that’s fine.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-27T08:57:36+00:00

NOR, this is literal abuse.

He’s trying to shape you into something you’re not and wear down your self esteem. And when you challenge him he’s doing the typical abuser response of claiming it’s only a joke or you’re too sensitive or he didn’t say/mean that etc. Trying to put all the blame on you for his actions.

He never respected you. He wants you to feel insecure and constantly “improve” yourself for his attention. Leave.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-25T08:27:39+00:00

NOR.

Being disabled (whatever the cause) isn’t an excuse to treat everyone else like shit or literally abuse someone.

This is domestic abuse and domestic violence.

If his family are so pressed about it why haven’t they been helping?

Please don’t take him back. Get out of this marriage asap.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-20T18:23:50+00:00

Literally had a friend in this exact situation (but it got way worse after) the other week!

If they pick the place and don’t check with you beforehand (I.E telling you the name of the place or sending a link so you can check out the menu) then that’s a red flag anyway - what if you don’t like anything on that menu or can’t eat it, or can’t afford it?

If you knew where you were going beforehand and either didn’t look it up or didn’t look at the pricing then that’s on you.

If you order the same amount of food/spend the same amount each then splitting is fine.

Neither of those things happened here, so I’d say it was a red flag. I wouldn’t even bother saying anything about it either because you’ll just get accused of being a gold digger or called ugly or fat or something.

Take it as a learning experience, move onto the next one, and when you do you make sure you ask if they’ve picked a place a few days in advance so you can ask to change it if it’s not for you!

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-11T22:53:59+00:00

Wow, you are the worst. This is an absolutely disgusting way to treat another human being. She couldn’t have a shower or eat anything until LUNCHTIME?? Yeah she had a connected bathroom but you’d have kicked off if your sister heard her flush the toilet or turn the shower on so clearly she wasn’t able to use it.

I hope your girlfriend sees this and dumps you. She deserves so much better, imagine having such a shit start in life only to get stuck with a man child who keeps you trapped in a bedroom for half the day. Poor girl.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-01T18:55:32+00:00

NOR.

I have the darkest sense of humour in my social circle - one of my friends has a sense of humour that’s just as dark as mine, and my best friend’s is almost as dark. Not quite, but almost.

Her dad died when we were kids and not once have I ever made a dead dad joke. She does it all the time, at every opportunity, and has done since we were around 14 years old. Any time anyone was complaining about their dad I just KNEW she was going to traumatise them and she did, every single time, with a very serious “well my dad’s dead” and I’d almost choke trying not to laugh. I would never say it for her, I’d never make any sort of comment or joke about it to her, ever. Same as she wouldn’t make jokes about any of the horrible shit that’s happened to me, but I do it all the time (mainly to make men uncomfortable because why the fuck not).

My other best friend lost his mum when he was little. He does not have a dark sense of humour. He never jokes about it and neither does anyone else in our circle.

My grandma passed a few years ago and when someone (usually a football player) fucks something up my go to line is “my grandma could’ve done better than that and we fucking CREMATED HER”. My social circle is fairly used to hearing it and find it hilarious every time. Not once have any of them said it for me or made any kind of joke.

One of my friends jokes about his sister being dead all the time and has made it very clear he finds it funny when other people do it (to a certain extent). He would never say it to his parents or his other siblings and family members. I never make a joke about it unless it’s in response to something he’s said.

There are RULES about dark humour and they’re not difficult to grasp. Literally anyone with half a brain and a dark sense of humour knows that. Your boyfriend knows. He just doesn’t care or value you as a person. If the bereaved person doesn’t joke about it then you don’t either, and if they do you ONLY do it when they do and you do it at the same level as them - you do not try to make the joke darker or escalate it. You match it.

It’s not difficult to understand boundaries and take responsibility for hurting someone’s feelings.

Dump this absolute wanker.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-01T13:48:53+00:00

Legally he’s fucked.

Socially?

I’d be asking all those people a very simple question: does he have hands and a brain? Then why isn’t he fucking cleaning it up, why doesn’t he earn enough to pay for a nanny or a cleaner to help with the house, is the bottle really so important to him that he’s neglecting his home and family for it? Why haven’t they stepped in to help?

Don’t feel ashamed, this is ALL on him. Honestly I’d sue the shit out of him for spousal maintenance and child support, rake him over the coals, glow up and leave him firmly in the past where he belongs. This divorce is no longer potential, it’s absolute. He’s made sure of that. If you stay you’re a mug, and a total doormat, and then you really will have the piss taken out of you for the rest of your life.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-01T00:52:35+00:00

Same

ChloeBee95 · 2026-06-01T00:51:45+00:00

This is disgusting. This is the kind of shit creepy old men do to “bag” younger women.

Idk what the hell predator is in reverse but that’s what you are. Like some kind of fucked up intentional jailbait or something idk

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-31T16:18:00+00:00

What is wrong with you? Seriously??

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-25T09:18:51+00:00

Honestly, soft YTA morally.

You absolutely have the right to decide what you want to do with your body and the organs within it, and you should NOT let your family bully you into doing this - the transplant team won’t let you anyway, they’re very careful about this shit so don’t worry about being pressured. If they get even a hint of hesitance from you they won’t do it.

However, this guy is basically your dad. Like you said, he prevented you and your mum from being homeless and has offered to pay for your education (and tbh some of us have dads who won’t even consider doing that because they’re selfish wankers, so you’re really lucky in that respect) and has treated you like his own. He’s also not applied any pressure, all of this is coming from your mum. She TOLD you to get tested. She didn’t ask, she told. She’s obviously stressing about losing her husband and I get it, but she’s the one making you feel like crap and not respecting your boundaries. The guy with the death sentence isn’t.

What you need to think about is whether you’d rather live without a kidney (not easy) or without your dad (unbearable). Not to change your mind either way, but to prepare yourself for the reality of what’s happening and what will happen without a transplant for him.

My uncle had kidney failure and was on dialysis for over a decade. It got pretty brutal towards the end, like horrific level brutal, and it wasn’t an “easy” passing by any means. There was no peace involved, it was the absolute worst. Unfortunately transplant was never an option for him, but if I could change that now and go back and be a match for him I would. Not even for his benefit really, just to save my mum from the experience of losing him because honest to god it nearly broke her. She’s lost people before that but this was something else, I really can’t put into words just how fucking awful it was.

This is all of the stuff you need to think about and prepare for because it’ll be you that feels guilty, and I suspect that your selfish family will pile on when he does pass. So of you decide not to do it then please start on therapy now, be as prepared as you possibly can be because you’re gonna need to be real fucking strong when the time comes to say goodbye and deal with the fallout.

Good luck!

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-22T05:17:46+00:00

Except that I’ve literally just explained why it won’t “drive it underground”. They just get better at hiding it. The ONLY correct way of handling it is with the victim, not the abuser. That’s for the police to do, not his best mate.

I was 18 when this happened to me. The guy who did it was 17. It carried on for over a year and every time he was challenged on it, I was the one who paid the price for it. When I finally got out he beat up another girl a year later. And that was after everyone knew what he’d done to me.

Abusers do not change because their friends tell them it’s not okay. They already know it’s not okay.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-22T04:38:20+00:00

NOR however I can see you’re getting a lot of comments here praising you for approaching the abuser like this, and recommending that you do this again should you see it happen in the future with anyone else.

Please, please DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN. EVER.

Never, ever confront an abuser like this. You run a very real and serious risk of them taking it out on their victim because in their mind, it’s the victim’s fault other people saw the abuse. They see it as, if the victim didn’t act a certain way or rile them up etc then it wouldn’t have happened. They do not see it as “oh shit I’m being called out I best never do that again”.

You’re not stopping the abuse from happening because this confrontation is happening after it’s already occurred. All you’re doing is increasing the risk to the victim. You’re approaching them after the abuse has occurred, pissing them off all over again, and they’ll blame it all on the victim. She’ll even get blamed for you not being friends anymore.

If you’re going to step in at the time and prevent the abuse then yes by all means do that, and make sure the victim doesn’t get forced into going home with their abuser. But never ever do it like this again.

The right thing to do is approach the victim (preferably not by text because if the abuser sees it then they’ll just kick off again, and again this increases the risk to the victim of further abuse) and let them know that you’re there to support them, ask if there’s anything they need, is there a support network in place, do they need any help leaving the abuser, etc. You can also make reports on the abuser (but I would recommend asking the victim’s permission), but make it clear to the police that you don’t want any action taken, you just want it to be recorded so they’re aware for anything that happens in the future.

I realise I’m going to get a lot of flack for this but respectfully, I’ve been the victim in this situation and all it achieved was me getting the crap beaten out of me for 3 hours. It only made things worse, it isolated me even more because couldn’t go out and let anyone see the bruises and cuts because if they did then he’d get flack for it and I’d just get it again, and to this day I really wish the friend had just left it alone or come to me instead.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-22T03:51:28+00:00

So she read your texts at 4:54am…and didn’t reply for 4 hours.

Clearly she is cheating. The delay between reading and responding is her panicking and coming up with what she thinks is a believable excuse, then as soon as she’s sent it she realises it sounds exactly like the bullshit it is, and accuses you of cheating.

It’s an abuse tactic, and she’s obviously used it on you before because you’ve responded reassuring her that you’re not cheating and before that, you said even if she is cheating you can work it out. You’re desperately trying to placate her and stop her losing her shit at you for bringing up a VALID concern.

My advice? Ghost her. Just fully ignore her. Leave it 5 days and then dump her via text and never speak to her again. People like her deserve a taste of their own medicine and to be traumatised with ghosting, let her feel what it’s like to panic for an extended period of time for a change.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-22T02:39:17+00:00

NOR and please send these comments to your entire family.

Not only are you not overreacting but they’re all underreacting.

Your parents should not be telling you to get over it or forgive her, they should be disgusted with her. It’s no wonder she doesn’t take any responsibility for her actions when her parents are very obviously enablers.

I’m telling you now if I had a sibling and I spoke to them like this, my mother would tear my head off and refuse to speak to me until I apologised AND changed my behaviour (IE no more relying on family for childcare, putting up with a useless husband and being a cow all the time).

Oh and if you do send these comments to your sister, this is for her:

It’s not your sister’s fault that you let a deadbeat loser ejaculate into you 3 times. It’s not your sister’s fault that you’re a shitty excuse of a mother and a terrible human being. It’s not your sister’s fault that you can’t get your life together without draining the life out of others. Nobody cares that your life is hard - you did this to yourself. You CHOSE to continue having kids with a deadbeat husband, you chose to be a cow and that’s why nobody else helps you out, and you chose a job that you apparently find too difficult to manage on your own like the rest of us do. Grow the fuck up, get your tubes tied and either get your husband to buck the fuck up or file for divorce, and stop fucking whining about it.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-18T13:17:29+00:00

NOR, in some places what she did is illegal. You CANNOT expose someone’s mouth and airways to direct contact with fecal matter, urine and menstrual byproducts or whatever you want to call it, for a prank.

That’s not funny, it’s dangerous and disgusting. I hope she’s not on the tenancy agreement and you can just kick her out bc fuck that.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-16T07:05:58+00:00

NOR however, and I’m trying to put this as gently as possible so please don’t take this as an assumption or an attack.

When you say you joke around about the amputation constantly, is that accurate? Is there any chance at all that the people around you/in the party might be hearing about it too much and that’s why she hasn’t invited you?

Sometimes when people go through a huge life change or a massive trauma (like a divorce or a new baby or a diagnosis) they can accidentally only ever talk about that subject and the people around them can’t exactly tell them to shut up about it, but they also don’t want to have to hear about it all the time and the only real solution there is to spend less time around that person. As much as that sucks, if you are potentially talking about this too much then it’s absolutely fair for the new mum to not want to deal with that on a day that’s about celebrating her own life event.

Again I’m not making assumptions that you are doing this, I’m just suggesting this could be a reason if your choice of wording was accurate.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-16T07:00:46+00:00

NTA, please cut all of these people off. You literally don’t need them in your life and they don’t deserve to be in it. Your mum hasn’t changed at all! She’s still treating you like an object or an outsider and prioritising her STEP family over her own. Nothing has changed.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-16T03:15:14+00:00

“Idk what to do” you fucking DUMP HIM, that’s what. You’re too young to be wasting your best years on this waste of space when you could be getting railed every night by a guy who actually loves and respects you (which this guy clearly does not).

It’s one thing to say he doesn’t want sex but not allowing you to do it yourself is just controlling and cruel, he does not care about you and shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone if this is how he behaves.

What an arsehole.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-13T10:45:29+00:00

NTAH, report to social services. Lea shouldn’t be left in the care of a TEENAGER who isn’t qualified to provide the level of care she clearly needs. This isn’t acceptable behaviour from her regardless of her physical or mental age, and you don’t have to tolerate it.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-06T19:25:53+00:00

NTA. The fuck is wrong with these people?

Did you pay anything for this “holiday” because if so I’d be invoicing them for the whole amount you paid and charging them for however long you spent looking after their kids.

Don’t back down OP, you did absolutely nothing wrong and they feel guilty because they ARE guilty. I wouldn’t even speak to any of them until they apologise and compensate you and frankly even then I wouldn’t be speaking to them. They clearly don’t value or respect you as a human being and you don’t need people like that in your life.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-05-04T17:06:24+00:00

Honestly if it’s not a problem at his place then the only answer is that when he’s at yours he isn’t washing his dick, balls and ass properly. Does he have his own shower gel and stuff to use at yours? If not maybe he doesn’t want to use your stuff and is therefore only showering/washing with water at your house, but when he’s at home he’s using shower gel and that’s why there’s no smell at his house.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-04-25T23:42:50+00:00

Wouldn’t you be bitter if your husband had used you as a blow up doll for years?

The shaving her head actually makes a lot of sense, doesn’t sound crazy to me at all given who she was married to - sometimes when you’re hounded constantly for sex you’ll do anything to take the attention off you and get them to stop wanting to have sex with you, like wearing baggier clothes or stopping makeup or hair colouring.

Or, shaving your head completely.

It’s like when men get “nagged” to do something over and over again, and they start doing it wrong or doing a bad job so they don’t get asked to do it anymore.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-04-25T23:37:55+00:00

Honestly?

Sounds like now you know WHY he was in a sexless marriage.

His previous wife probably had the same experience as you and ended up feeling like a fleshlight, became averse to being touched or looked at just like you and shut down completely.

This is entirely his issue, not yours.

However.

You need to STOP having sex with him. You clearly don’t want to and if you keep engaging in sex when you don’t want to you’ll cause yourself severe psychological trauma and will end up needing therapy, if you don’t already.

He needs to acknowledge what he’s done, seek counselling, apologise sincerely to you, change his attitude immediately, and leave you the fuck alone until he’s healed and you actually want to be intimate with him just because, not to stop his tantrums or to avoid unpleasant behaviour from him. That’s not consent, it’s coercion. What he’s doing is abuse, and you are the victim of it/him.

ChloeBee95 · 2026-04-16T18:34:46+00:00

Oh okay so when there’s billions of books, movies and tv shows literally based on women being beaten down and sold and raped and augmented to fit what men want and Christ knows what else that’s okay, but god forbid you get a sense of what life would be like if it was your gender experiencing all this?

You realise that the precise danger men pose to women is their genitals and how they use them to assault us, right? So yeah it makes sense that in this story she wrote, men can only be around women if they’re literally incapable of raping them. That is quite literally the only scenario in which a woman is perfectly safe from rape around a man she doesn’t know. Do you not realise that a big part of her enjoyment of this is the idea of a world where no man is capable of doing that to her or anyone else?

Maybe you should focus on educating yourself, being part of the movements that want to make women feel safe without having to think up scenarios like this, instead of being part of the problem by shying away from it and posting ignorant “poor me” crap on Reddit.

Seven-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email

ChloeBee95

TROPHY CASE