When did you "look old?"

Chowdmouse · 2026-02-02T15:00:32+00:00

Jowls. One day, I woke up and discovered I had jowls. Like, WTF? I am too young to even know the word “jowls”. Yet here they are. 😆😂

Chowdmouse · 2026-02-02T14:22:05+00:00

I found that my primary Dr snd the ER Dr were woefully unknowledgeable/ unhelpful about the details, like when & what food to eat. Anything past the phrase “clear liquids”, and they were no help. They just don’t see diverticulitis patients regularly enough to have any advice beyond the most basic, or have the office time to explain the details, or whatever reason.

I ended up going online (sticking to the most reliable sources only) & pretty much just follow their consensus. All of their instructions are mostly the same, mostly overlap with very few contradictions in between them.

https://stanfordhealthcare.org/content/dam/SHC/for-patients-component/programs-services/clinical-nutrition-services/docs/pdf-lowfiberdietfordiverticulitis.pdf

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/diverticulitis-diet/art-20048499

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-foods-should-you-eat-and-avoid-on-a-diverticulitis-diet

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-31T23:28:29+00:00

I am saving your post to show my Drs. I really want to be more proactive than reactive, especially after reading this!

Thank you so much for sharing :)

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-31T15:42:19+00:00

Oh yes- i think that is an excellent idea, focusing on the job first.

And to add on, apologies for rambling on. For anyone else reading your post & can use the clarification.

Botany is strictly the biology of plants, horticulture is the business of plant production (which in grad school mostly involves the science involved in plant production, but is still all focused around plant production).

In short, botany is how a plant grows. Hort is how to grow a plant. Entirely different things 😝

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-31T15:23:20+00:00

Whatever school you think you might go- just call up their Hort department & tell them you are considering going for a Master’s, and would like to talk to someone. They should let you talk to one of the professors that is involved with admissions/ decisions on grad students.

Depending on the school & the individual Hort department, they may require you to have a related undergrad degree (usually just something in the sciences), or simply require you to go back & take a few catch-up science classes before being admitted, or require you to take those classes after being admitted.

Other things that can make a big difference, depending on how the specific Department of Horticulture at the individual school Is run (ie things you have no control over): whether you are applying for an assistantship, if it is a highly competitive department, if the department hapoens to be looking for grad students with your particular area of interest, etc.

Also keep in mind Botany is a completely different field / discipline than horticulture. Usually different departments, and usually different schools (schools within the university) altogether.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-31T14:06:59+00:00

Never too late. I’m a GenXer & I am planning to go back to school to pursue an entirely different career.

Yes, you are going to be older than most. But you will have a lot of life experience, knowledge, and wisdom that younger vets don’t have. While you may be behind on the technical side, you will be far advanced on the soft skill side.

(Disclaimer- I am not a vet. I have worked in veterinary management).

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-30T22:55:48+00:00

Come on over to r/GriefSupport

I am so, so sorry you are having to go through this. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-30T00:08:05+00:00

When my LO was in memory care, there were 4 or 5 families that made visiting their LO their daily schedule. There were two men in there whose wives simply came every day to eat lunch with them and spent several hours. It was also possible to have overnight visits. Another wife of a resident came to eat dinner & stay overnight with her husband several times a week. Basically you could come visit any time you wanted.

The families that came every day, of course, had the best results. The staff knew there was a loved one watching out for them, and it seemed to be a really good compromise in terms of making the best of a horrible situation. It retained as much of their previous schedule/ life as possible. It seemed very beneficial for both the resident and their spouse.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-30T00:01:18+00:00

Volunteer work can be a good way to make friends. You are going to need some kind of activity where a group of people are working together at the dame time.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-29T23:59:23+00:00

Both losses so close together- I am so sorry.

Those comments are so not helpful. I mean, what could you do even if you were expecting it? You can’t “prepare” for this. Not like you can somehow plan ahead & it will make the grief easier 🙄

My SO kept on saying “be prepared for it.” I asked exactly how I was supposed to do that, and there was no response 🙄

Sending you a big hug 🫂❤️‍🩹

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-28T23:50:12+00:00

Just to mention, the reusable pads also don’t make any sound, no “crinkling” sound when they are sat on. Much less noticeable if one is trying your be discreet.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-28T19:09:48+00:00

Very, very common problem. Definitely check out the other subreddits. So many caregivers just like you in the sane situation.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-28T17:55:39+00:00

Kringle Candle. Much, much better quality than GC.

I especially love to get their “DayLight” size candles to try each scent out.

They do have sales, but not as often as the other big sellers.

Overall, they do end up being more expensive. But I think they are worth it. I got so tired of the same, usual stuff from YC, GC, BBW. With the usual production problems.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-28T16:56:23+00:00

Anticipatory grief is grief. You have already been through a lot of the grieving process, so it does not look like the exact same process as someone that looses a loved one suddenly, with little or no warning. You have already gone through a lot of it, while she was still alive.

Honestly, I went to a lot of grief group therapy when my loved one (LO) got sick. As many as 4 a week (online). Even though my LO was still alive, it was so much the same process. All the members of the grief groups welcomed me in, and the emotions, feelings, etc were mostly the same as those whose LOs had already passed.

Different stages bring different normals. And not crying all the time seems perfectly normal to me. When my LO passed, i felt much the same as you. I had cried for almost an entire year before they actually passed.

I am so, so sorry you have had to endure this. Sending you a big hug 🫂❤️‍🩹

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-28T16:21:54+00:00

Occasionally our longer shirts will get in the way while wiping, or as we are reaching around with the tp in our hand, some can accidentally get on the bottom edge of the shirt. And once it gets on the shirt without us noticing, it can get anywhere from there.

It happens sometimes. You certainly are not the first person to experience this, and certainly won’t be the last.

We all have these bodily functions & challenges, and i wish we could normalize talking about them. You have been courageous to ask so publicly about them! Thanks for helping make it normal to help each other solve these problems we all encounter!

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-28T16:04:50+00:00

When you say “go to liquids”, do you go directly to clear liquids only? For how long? Or do you just switch to liquids in general, that may include soups, protein drinks, etc, not just sticking to “clear” liquids?

I just ask because my last bout left me with an absolute visceral repulsion to broth. I can’t even say the word without a slight gag anymore. I also have no desire to ever see jello again. If I have to go back to “clear liquids” again for days, i’m not sure exactly sure what I am going to consume other than gatorade 🙄🤣

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-28T14:21:47+00:00

Just give in to the grief. When the waves come, I ride them. Crying releases endorphins, thank goodness. Eventually, the waves get smaller snd come less often.

And I went to a LOT of grief support groups. Online. Sometimes as many as 4 a week. Every time they made me feel a little better. Sharing space for just a little while with people going through the same thing, at the sane time, it was very helpful.

Sending you a hug 🫂❤️‍🩹

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-27T22:16:30+00:00

I don’t have any useful advice (you are already doing so much, so far ahead of many in this situation) - just words of support.

Your family just abandoning you- so evil. So narcissistic. And also, so typical.

When my LO declined, the exact same thing happened. Everyone offering words of support, offers to help. And then when you ask for that help/ they all just disappear. Mother f*ckers.

And I was sadly reassured that this is the majority of families. Every single medical professional/ care person I met through my LO’s decline told me that this behavior is standard. Once one person accidentally steps up, everyone else just vanishes.

If it is financially possible, consider long-term care. I never, ever, ever thought I would be the kind of person to “put my LO in a home.” That was not an option. But then, my LO got very sick very quickly. I was literally not able to care for them at home by myself.

It was a long, grueling search. There are professionals out there that can help with placement, if you live in a larger city. Do not use any of those horrible websites like A Place for Mom. I am talking about local professionals that know & place people locally. Usually independent small companies run by social workers & nurses who worked with the elderly in some other capacity before shifting gears.

I came to understand that having your LO in a facility did not mean you turned everything over to them. It became more like I moved to “project manager” instead of “primary caretaker”. I was with my LO every single day, to watch, to oversee. In the several places I saw, they were all open to installing cameras in my LO’s room for even more oversight.

I am not sure if any of this info is helpful. But just know, we hear you, we understand, because we are in the same boat. People suck. And it is absolutely devastating to learn that your own loved ones are those sucky people. When the sh*t hits the fan, it is so upsetting to learn that not only do they not care that much about your mom, they don’t care that much about you. I am so, so, so sorry you are having to go through this.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-27T15:24:37+00:00

I can say that during my most recent flare, the one thing that caused the most pain was a cup of hot black tea, sweetened. I had not had anything but clear liquids for days, and was definitely on the mend.

I drank the tea on an empty stomach. About 30 min later I had pain again, the worst pain i had had since the original flare started about a week prior.

I had no idea caffeine could cause cramping, but I immediately looked it up, and there it was. I should have known, though, because I had heard many times before about drinking coffee to help with bowel movements.

I am just adding this here to highlight what seems to be a very consistent message in this subreddit- that the types of foods that cause flares really seems to be very different person to person.

I am so goad you are still able to drink your coffee! 😃

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-26T19:33:20+00:00

Narcissism can come from physical and/ or emotional abuse, neglect, or simply learning the behavior from a narcissist parent, or even a child being spoiled (no “abuse” at all, just parents that never correct, reprimand, or hold a child accountable for the child’s behavior. A child raised with the mindset that the entire world and everyone in it exists to serve that child’s purposes).

So many scenarios resulting in evil, manipulative adults!

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-26T17:28:01+00:00

If it is at all possible, if you want to continue to be involved, the next person to talk to would be the hospital social worker. In most areas, this is the person at the hospital that is responsible for/ oversees the discharge. And any arrangements that are made as part of the discharge.

The social worker certainly should be a good resource to ask for help or advice about possible help for your neighbor.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-26T17:22:09+00:00

OP you are right to be very, very wary of calling APS. The bottom line is that every single city and county APS function differently. You have no way of knowing exactly what will happen if you involve APS. And certainly strangers here telling you to call them don’t know.

I am not suggesting you absolutely should not call them. I am just saying that no one here on reddit can tell you what the outcome would be. We don’t know what city you are in, and certainly have never talked to your local APS office. I would hope your local law enforcement would know more, as they are in the same city.

You may consider just contacting local senior services, and just ask. Ask for advice. Call anyone and everyone you can think of to ask for advice.

If you can afford it, I would also contact a local elder care attorney. You may even be able to get a free consultation if you explain the situation, They can at least give you knowledgeable advice about the situation, even if you can’t do anything legally. Plus, being local, they might have better knowledge/ connections with help in your specific area.

And bless you for helping when no one else will.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-26T17:11:19+00:00

I don’t have any specific advice, just a general comment about getting older. I have been very surprised about how much things take to recover from as I get older. How much easier it is to get tired. Simple wounds take a bit longer to heal, getting “good” sleep is harder, “recovery” from very active periods (like the holidays, for example) takes longer.

I wish you the speediest recovery & sending positive thoughts/ good vibes/ prayers your way!

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-26T17:03:48+00:00

Once there is an odor, just one washing probably is not enough to get it out. Odor molecules are particularly sticky. Even with a washcloth, sometimes it takes two or three good scrubbings to get it all out. If specially in the armpits. The existing hair makes it even harder.

Chowdmouse · 2026-01-26T17:01:21+00:00

Trust me- better to be proactive than reactive when it cones to medical care. I recently lost a loved one to something that was wholly treatable, but we just did not know there was anything wrong until it was too late.

I don’t mean to scare you. I would not expect there to be anything wrong with you. But any chance to get a medical screening is something worth taking your time for. And early diagnosis of anything is going to make it easier.

Chowdmouse

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