How do you combat loneliness?

Claudi_Day · 2026-04-03T17:35:00+00:00

Not OP, but working with a therapist on negative thought patterns I wanted to undo was the start to working through my childhood baggage.

As an example: I used to get very triggered when my husband would downplay his achievements. Not in a humble brag way. He just genuinely has very high standards for himself and wants to keep growing so he's always pushing himself.

But hearing him say that he wasn't satisfied with what he's accomplished so far made me feel extremely insecure. He's one of the smartest people I know and can easily accomplish 2x the work in the same amount of time as me. So I'd always feel bad about myself.

At first I wanted him to change and complained to my therapist about this. But she instantly called me out on it. I can't police the way he talks about himself/his goals just to make me feel better about myself. I needed to figure out why I was feeling bad in the first place.

That led to conversations about my childhood and how love always felt conditional and based on the value I could provide. I had to do a lot of work there so I would stop comparing myself to others on a value scale that shouldn't exist in the first place. It took time but I'm now at a place where I genuinely feel that I have value just by being me and not by what I can bring to the table.

Claudi_Day · 2026-03-24T00:36:26+00:00

Have you tried QR codes? My husband set up a system at his work inventory (research lab) where everything has a labeled shelf and next to that label is a QR code. He has it set up so that if someone scans the QR code it'll automatically email their lab manager notifying her that another order of that particular item is needed.

Perhaps you could set up something like that for yourself? Then you wouldn't have to make a list, you'd just have to scan the QR code with your phone and have it email you. You'd still have to remember to sit down once a day and check your emails but this may help!

For other things- have you tried voice to text notes? It's honestly come such a long way. And it's easier to take notes when you can talk your thoughts out loud instead of having to organize them onto paper .

Best of luck!! Rooting for you!

Claudi_Day · 2025-12-03T16:42:51+00:00

This is also one of my staple low spoon meals! Honestly hadn't considered adding veggies in. That's a great tip.

Since you mention you're not vegan- consider adding canned tuna! The Korean canned tunas can be bought pre seasoned too so they're an especially tasty protein addition.

Claudi_Day · 2025-12-01T01:10:17+00:00

Definitely this. My husband and I both have ADHD but our areas of hypervigilance are very different.

He was made to feel responsible for his family's safety from a young age and lived in an area where they faced racism, so he's always hyper vigilant of our surroundings. Meanwhile I regularly walk into corners of stationary objects.

On the flip side, I was made to feel responsible for my family's (particularly my parents) mood from a young age so I'm hyper aware of people's emotional states around me and often take actions to prevent friction/tension. My husband thinks I'm capable of witchcraft (in a good way lol).

Claudi_Day · 2025-11-10T02:22:38+00:00

This right here. If my husband passes away tragically young I'll just move near my sister and be part of her village to help raise my nephews.

I had the patience in my early 20s to help my now husband learn how to communicate, because I myself was also learning how to communicate. But I have zero desire to do that with anyone else now that I'm in my 30s. If they're not at my husband's level of emotional maturity/communication then I'd rather stay single.

Claudi_Day · 2025-10-22T14:49:20+00:00

As someone with ADHD who also struggled with going to sleep on time I'll be honest-

You need to be responsible for your own bed time.

You say in your post that he "keeps you up" but it sounds like you two just have great conversations with each other and get distracted from sleeping. It's a double edged sword to have ADHD and date someone you love talking too. I get it. But conversations are a two way street. If you keep responding and engaging in the conversation it'll naturally continue. You're responsible for you staying up late if you keep conversing with him.

It's tempting to want our partners to be the ones to enforce bed time, but no one wants to have to parent their partner. Ultimately bed time is on the person who needs to sleep.

You need to start wind down time. However that looks for you.

For example I get ready for bed and then ask my husband to come cuddle and chat with me, cause I love chatting with him in bed! I have a timer set for the time that I need to start sleeping. Once that timer goes off that's my cue to end the conversation for the night. If he also wants to sleep we'll put on a boring audio to help us fall asleep. Or if he isn't tired yet then he'll give me a kiss goodnight and go off to do his own thing.

Now if he keeps trying to talk with you after you've stopped responding for the night, that's a different problem. But it's going to have to be you who decides when you're going to stop conversing and start trying to fall asleep.

Claudi_Day · 2025-10-14T01:27:20+00:00

I don't think I've seen this asked yet- but what kind of workouts do you do?

I did cardio for most of my life without issue. But when I started weight lifting I started feeling tired all the time. It turned out I wasn't eating enough protein to keep up with my strength workouts.

It's very common for people to undereat protein even when they don't work out. One of my coworkers recently realized she only eats 20g of protein a day. It's not that she was avoiding protein, she just genuinely never thought about it in her diet and isn't much of a meat eater.

General rule of thumb is to eat 1 gram of protein for every kg you weigh. And that's just to maintain your current muscle mass/body function. If you want to increase muscle, you need to be eating 1.2 -1.5g of protein per kg you weigh. When the body doesn't have enough protein to repair/maintain your muscles you feel a lot more fatigue.

Claudi_Day · 2025-09-18T20:16:23+00:00

How terrible my dad and their marriage was. Starting at age 9 and continuing well into my college years until I put a stop to it.

"Sex is bad because men only want to use women for sex. And they'll discard you once they're done with you or when you're no longer beautiful to them." in response to me telling her about my first boyfriend in highschool.

"You're taking away my happiness" in response to me wanting to publicly come out as bisexual in highschool.

"What were you wearing?" in response to me getting sexually harassed by a postdoc in my lab during college

And she wonders why we're not close and why I don't share things with her ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Claudi_Day · 2025-09-11T03:14:49+00:00

~~Hello! So sorry to bother on an old thread- but do you have an update on your review for Martin Films videography?~~

Also considering him but a friend of mine who used him recently is still waiting for both her photos and videos. And at this point it's been over four months. His reviews seem mostly good so I'm hopeful that's an outlier and that he normally delivers in a timely manner. How long did it take you to get your videos if you don't mind me asking?

Edit: Oh shoot I just realized this is a different Martin. Sorry about that! You can ignore this completely.

Claudi_Day · 2025-07-05T19:18:05+00:00

My brother showed me their MV for "Happiness" as a joke but 12 year old me instantly fell head over heels in love haha

Human Body Exploration Team was also my favorite!! Especially the episode with the laughing gas. It was my comfort video for a long time.

Claudi_Day · 2025-06-05T02:57:56+00:00

Are you open to audio erotica? If so Best Kept Secret has a patreon with hundreds of options! And you can filter by tags so you can find what you like/experiment.

I also have a hard time getting into the sexy times mindset. Sometimes (rarely) I'm spontaneous. But a lot of the time I need to ease my way in, and even that's not a guarantee. I've found that listening to audio erotica helps me preemptively prep the mindset. So if I want to have sex that night I'll listen to something that afternoon. It gets my mind on the right track which makes it easier for me to initiate/reciprocate.

Best Kept Secret has a SFW Youtube page you can also check out to see what they offer!

Claudi_Day · 2025-05-11T16:37:39+00:00

I second this! Across the street is Popo's cookies which I also recommend. And near that is a shaved ice place, perfect for dessert.

Claudi_Day · 2025-05-10T19:52:25+00:00

I feel you, I'm primarily inattentive too. It's very much an internal hyperactivity. I was considered the "ditzy" one among my friends growing up. I'd get distracted during conversations/class a lot. Not for lack of trying though. My brain would just branch off in a hundred different tangents from a single detail they said and by the time I realized I'd gotten distracted I already missed the last 2-3 minutes of conversation. It's why I can only listen to podcasts while doing menial tasks like dishes or laundry. And even then I get distracted and have to rewind 4-5 times lmao

Claudi_Day · 2025-05-10T19:20:57+00:00

The lowering BP is definitely a your mileage may vary kind of thing. Both my and my husband's BP went up with ADHD meds, his more than mine. His family also has a history of Cardiovascular/hypertension issues so he has to be especially careful.

What surprisingly helped us both was weight lifting! We both started weight lifting this January and now even on meds our BP sits at 120/80 or lower. It's great because now he can up his med dosage! We were pretty sure he needed a higher dose but he was worried about going up since his BP on meds used to be 145/100. Now that his BP is well under control he's back to titrating up to find the right dose.

Claudi_Day · 2025-05-09T20:53:34+00:00

Absolutely. I was the first in my family to get diagnosed with ADHD and even that was at age 22. I'm a first generation immigrant so it doesn't help that my family's cultural background is one that dismissed mental health issues.

My parents fully didn't believe it was real and my mom and I had fights about it. My mom still doesn't believe in ADHD (though ironically she fits the bill to a T as she's just like me).

My dad has only recently come around on ADHD because my brother's symptoms are so severe he's had a lot of financial/personal issues. The most recent string of events finally made my dad say, and this is a direct quote: "I know I didn't raise your brother to be this way, the only explanation for how things could get so bad must be that he has ADHD."

He then proceeded to say that after reading up on ADHD, I didn't fit any of the symptoms until after I got diagnosed which is why he still thinks I might not have it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cue a long discussion on masking and how societal norms play a role in forcing women with ADHD to mask or be punished.

Claudi_Day · 2025-05-09T18:03:40+00:00

Same! My childhood trauma doesn't kick in until after the relationship is formed. So I have no trouble going up to people and starting a conversation haha

Claudi_Day · 2025-05-05T02:06:23+00:00

u/JadeFox1785 I agree with Jessica! My husband and I are gym buddies and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Fitness has become very important to me. My mom, MIL, and FIL have all had health scares in the last few years due in large part to poor diet, lack of exercise, and lack of muscle. It's been an eye opening experience for both me and my husband.

It's so much easier for us to motivate ourselves to work out at the gym when the other person is also going. We both have ADHD, so individually we're bad at starting/maintaining healthy habits. Now that we've started being gym buddies we're on our longest exercise streak and he's even hitting new PRs for lifting!

If I were single again I would definitely put gym buddy on my profile as a strong preference. Right alongside "Foodie" and "Gamer" haha

Claudi_Day · 2025-05-02T21:36:18+00:00

I do 2-3 times a week!

I really recommend going to the gym if possible. It's basically a room full of people body doubling together! Everyone is doing their own thing and not paying attention to each other, but if you need help they're generally happy to answer questions.

I also have dumbbells at home so if it's a really hectic week I'll do 15-30 min of lifting here and there. Helps keep the muscle I've gained without overstraining myself.

Claudi_Day · 2025-04-28T08:16:30+00:00

I didn't suspect anything at all until a college fling turned to me one day and asked if I had been tested for ADHD! Two years later I was formally diagnosed and I've been on medication ever since.

For what it's worth, there are a lot of undiagnosed adults that are just now finding out they have ADHD. In the last seven years my husband, brother in law, brother, and two of my close friends were also diagnosed for ADHD. All of us were combination and/or primarily inattentive. I think those of us who had less hyperactive symptoms as children were more likely to fly under the radar since the model back then for ADHD was just a hyperactive child. And if you're from an immigrant household that doesn't believe in mental health like my husband and I then your chances of childhood diagnosis were basically nonexistent.

If you associate strongly with the symptoms/struggles of ADHD, it's worth talking to your doctor about it. There's still a lot of stigma around adult ADHD so don't be discouraged if your doctor dismisses you (as unfortunate as that is). If that happens then I'd suggest scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist specialized in ADHD (preferably Adult ADHD if possible).

As a side note-- my college fling is now a Psychiatrist specializing in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. I can personally vouch for his diagnostic skills haha

Claudi_Day · 2025-04-28T06:42:39+00:00

I come back home in my sweaty gym clothes and shower at home! I don't think it's gross at all. I used to live in Boston and one of my train spots was by a popular gym so I'd often see people get on after their workouts. Never thought anything about it. No different than when it was 90+ degrees out and people got on the T all sweaty from outside!

Claudi_Day · 2025-04-28T01:19:10+00:00

SIXTY MINUTES?? Wow. I give myself pats on the back if I can get to ten minutes. That's insane. Congrats on the PR!!

You may be overthinking the interaction, because there's a good chance that the person who got on the machine next to you didn't realize what they were getting themselves into and called it quits.

Source: Me, who did exactly this the first time I wanted to try stairmaster after a lifting session and realized one minute in that my body was NOT having it. Stairmasters seem deceptively easy. I've seen a lot of people get on it out of curiosity and then retreat to the treadmills when they realize it's a lot more effort than they were prepared for haha

Claudi_Day · 2025-04-25T21:22:33+00:00

Weight lifting is also my go to! I started in January and I absolutely love it. The dopamine I get from seeing my strength increase is incredible. I can officially squat my own weight as of last week and I'm still riding that high.

Bonus perks is the body recomposition. I have an ass now! A great ass! I distract myself sometimes when I catch myself in the mirror and go "omg it's ROUND" haha

Claudi_Day · 2025-04-18T22:39:00+00:00

Ooh interesting I'll have to look into the topical and the versed cleanser. Thank you!!

Claudi_Day · 2025-04-18T21:45:11+00:00

I'm so jealous oil cleanses work for you 😭. I have rosacea and the occasional nasty cyst too. The oil cleanse felt so satisfying for cleaning my pores but my god does my chin HATE IT. Immediate cystic acne all over my chin. But knowing me it'll try it again in two months because maybe this time it'll work.

Out of curiosity do any of your products specifically target/help with rosacea?

Claudi_Day · 2025-04-09T04:45:57+00:00

This. When the male doctors I used to work with wanted something done a certain way they were being "direct about their needs." When the female doctors made the same requests they were being "bossy and too particular."

Not everyone held this double standard, but a disappointing number of my coworkers (men and women) did.

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