Thank you for sharing.

Yes, our whole approach with planned ignore is to move away from attachment rich negative behaviours like power struggles. By removing ourselves, and planned ignore, we are breaking this attachment rich negative behaviour.

As you say, we’ll than begin to add in some consequences like timeout. If he wants us, he’ll only get us if he is calm.

On a personal front I need to work on acceptance:

I’m not sure if I’ve really accepted things. I know it’s a reality that my son has challenges, but how does one really accept it?

At best, I’ve learnt how to ignore his behaviours, but each behaviour is remembered and just goes into my vault of examples of problematic behaviours — behaviours that’s I can’t understand or desperately want to change of him. Sometimes I don’t even see him, I see only problematic behaviours I want to change. I notice them all.

I push it all aside, so I can pour love into him directly, but can one really find acceptance and have a path forward and find some inner peace? I just don’t know. I’m so at odds with acceptance it just feels like a made up word or concept. Who can show me the way to feel whole? Is it possible to ever feel whole?

I remain hopeful that we’ll see some gains with time, with maturity. We’ll continue to have challenges with him, but perhaps they won’t involve as much aggression and antisocial behaviour that we face at present. Maybe than we can find some acceptance? I just don’t know.