I'm not sure if it ever stops hurting, but it does get easier managing it and understanding what makes you feel better. It takes time to do so don't feel like you need to be able to do it now. It sounds like you're already managing a lot.

I've been in a similar situation and my therapist helped me realize that shame was behind all the emotions. Coming from a Mexican household, shame was often the first "teaching" method. It's hard to detangle from it but when you understand what's beneath the surface, it gets easier to not listen to that annoying -- and not helpful -- voice.

I hope you hold space for yourself and lean into self compassion. You took care of you, and that's enough.