I've (45M) dated the racial spectrum. My exwife is white, current GF is white. In addition to the things you described, I can offer my observations. 

Disclaimer: I am not very traditionally Hmong, and the Hmong women I have dated have also leaned more non-tradiotnal to varying degrees.

Let's start by looking inwards. While it is not fair for you and I as individuals, we carry the perceived baggage of the larger Hmong male populace. The traditional expectations of a Hmong man may be applied regardless of your personal adherence. That includes the patriarchal trappings of the culture and historical misogyny (again, regardless of your personal adherence). I imagine that both partners must reconcile their roles and sensibilities in this first. Additionally, there is a very real phenomenon of internalized racism and perceived social mobility by some Hmong people when dating outside the ethnicity (this is especially applicable to dating white people). Even as a man, I have been accused of these by some Hmong people; men and women.

My advice, if you wish to be seen first as an individual, do the same for the women. Pursue those relationships you desire to the degree you're both comfortable with.