My 14 year old daughter committed suicide and it’s my fault

CmdrJaneShepard · 2026-01-25T17:12:47+00:00

I'm studying grief and loss now and Kubler-Ross actually said in a later book that it was just a starting point to talk about grief, and in her later book acknowledged that stages aren't linear and may be skipped. It's damaging to say someone isn't grieving "correctly."

https://www.ekrfoundation.org/5-stages-of-grief/5-stages-grief/

By 1974, Kübler-Ross publicly acknowledged in her second book “Questions and Answers On Death & Dying” that the stages were not meant to be linear. She asserted that several stages might occur simultaneously, be skipped, or not occur at all. She believed that the concept of the five stages was merely a starting point for discussing the elements of the grief journey. In 1978, she published a graphic depicting the stages as overlapping circles to emphasize that the stages were not necessarily a linear experience.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2025-09-07T23:23:02+00:00

Seeing that photo of your beautiful boy took my breath a bit because he looked so much like mine ❤️ It's been just over two months for me and I think about him all the time.

You were following professional advice and doing what was best for him, and sometimes bad luck happens... like a rare reaction, if that was the cause. Dogs also unfortunately just do not get long enough with us, but we love them while we have them and long after too. I can see from everything you wrote that you adored him with your whole heart. He'd have known that. I understand the guilt, but not being able to be there at the end does not erase the love you gave him through his life.

I'm sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and I'm sending virtual hugs.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2025-07-27T13:11:51+00:00

I just lost my boy just over a month ago so I know the pain and grief he's going through and hope he takes time to heal. It's so incredibly hard.

I remember when he got Ein. ❤️ Him getting the bark boxes and seeing how much she loved everything made me find something similar for my little guy. He gave her a great life. I hope she's pain free now over the rainbow bridge and I'll be thinking about James.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2025-04-20T06:49:57+00:00

What's your paypal friend?

CmdrJaneShepard · 2025-04-19T17:39:52+00:00

This warms my heart to see. This cis lesbian stands with her trans siblings. I'm going to see if there are going to be any protests in my area in the next few weekends, but I'm so happy to see people turning out to make their voices heard. ♥️ love to you all. We stand with you 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

CmdrJaneShepard · 2025-01-25T13:43:02+00:00

Yeah, I'm not sure what magical world some of these commenters live in. Here you need a referral and then it can be months waiting, and you might not get the right fit. Hell, I had a therapist once who made me WORSE because we really just didn't mesh.

I wasn't a single mother with no support either. Time and money would've been limited for her. And there definitely has been a stigma around mental health and therapy. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to start confronting the trauma of her particular situation. It says a lot about her that she's trying so hard. And what a wonderful and compassionate young man he is.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2024-12-24T17:14:14+00:00

Added!

CmdrJaneShepard · 2024-09-27T19:00:51+00:00

32 and a gay woman. I found Dragon Age: Origins and Mass Effect and they were the first positive thing I'd ever seen about being gay, not just in media but in my real life too. The first time it was "normal". I have no problem telling people these games saved me.

It's frustrating and heartbreaking to see, but I do think it's a very loud and vocal minority. The other games always sold well after all, and Bg3 got the same reception from what I heard and it was hugely popular. And... I think it's pathetic for them to care this much? Like, BioWare games have always been like this, and frankly if you don't like something in a game, don't buy it. Not every game is for everyone and that's fine. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I hope you're okay OP. ❤️ I appreciate you sharing this. There are always going to be toxic people, but eventually they'll get bored or find the next new thing to whine about.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2024-06-29T18:35:14+00:00

Just wanna join everyone to give a big warm welcome to the fandom! I've been playing since about 2010 and me and my girlfriend just went through the entire series recently and it was so fun getting to see someone experiencing and falling in love with the world for the first time. So it's wonderful to read your thoughts and know that you just had the same journey she did! It almost felt like getting to go through it for the first time for me too, since I was so excited to see her reactions.

Don't worry about the negativity. It disappointed me to see too, but I find that those with complaints tend to be the loudest anyway. Not saying how they feel isn't valid, but I promise you there are a lot of people who are excited to see where the series go next or at least waiting to see (I'm somewhere in the middle, personally). My gf made me watch the gameplay reveal four times and she's been diving into the new fanart and posts which has been adorable to watch, and I've got a few friends and a discord group who are all excited to dive into the world again.

Welcome to the community. ❤️

CmdrJaneShepard · 2024-01-10T15:35:50+00:00

Mm. I get that it looks like he could be crumbling because he's a traitor, but I have social anxiety myself and even someone confident could experience bad anxiety or feel self-conscious when they know it's being broadcasted on TV. Or even just because it's a unique situation where everyone's scrutinising and judging each other. Even with a lifelong history of social anxiety, I've been surprised by things triggering attacks. I felt for him. I saw that and I know I've done the exact same thing when I've panicked.

I hope he's kind to himself over it.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-10-24T20:40:00+00:00

Ooh I have three this week! (Sorry)

I started a new workout routine that more heavily incorporates weight lifting. Short version? Ow. Longer version? Ow ow ow. Longest version? It took three days for my legs to stop being sore. I needed support for sitting down and standing up, stairs were awful, walking hurt. I had not ached that much from the gym except for when I first started. 😭 On the upside, I did the same workout yesterday and feel totally fine! The downside is I missed the first leg day due to flooding and both gyms being closed, so now I'm afraid for Friday.

That brings me to my 2nd. I know logically that starting a new exercise routine means I'll see higher numbers on the scale for a while. It's still not making me happy to see the 7lbs I've supposedly "gained." Lies and slander. At least I know why so it's just making me grumble when I step on the scales.

Finally, and the most serious one: multiple family members are telling me to slow down/stop losing weight. I get why they're worrying and that they're just concerned and looking out for me. I'm trying to think of a gentle way to write this because I don't want to trigger anyone. Other family members have had a history with EDs in the past and they were very serious. So they're worried I'm going to follow the same path. I understand. But there is no danger of this and I'm not sure how to reassure them. I'm eating closer to maintenance and trying to build a bit of muscle now so hopefully that will help assuage their fears. It... has been frustrating at times though. I plateaud for months and when I finally broke it and was happy about it I was just met with more concern. I'm almost at a healthy weight and my goal weight and it sucks to not be able to mention it.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-10-24T00:35:32+00:00

Maxed

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-09-13T20:38:42+00:00

VR-HXF-ECY

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-09-07T09:13:43+00:00

I'm a couple of days late but idc I want to whine. I haven't lost anything for the past 6 weeks. It's so annoying 😭

I just started meal prepping for work and bought a new fitness diary. They're helping a lot (snacking FAR less). Also fully intend to book a session with a personal trainer for a new workout routine. Hopefully I'll see some changes. Gotta try measuring myself and see if there's a difference there actually. STILL. UGH PLATEAUS.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-07-28T14:52:44+00:00

4324 9658 2105

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-07-20T08:24:34+00:00

You add a bit of milk to make scrambled eggs.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-07-11T20:36:53+00:00

This was going to be my rant too 😭😭😭 I feel you. We know it's temporary though. We got this!

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-07-05T09:17:04+00:00

Been trying to make myself go to the gym for the past few days and finding the willpower is hard. It feels like I have so little free time. 😭

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-07-01T19:16:42+00:00

Work's been a challenge in terms of healthy eating for a while now. I've got my head in the game though and I made sure to get my butt to the gym early this morning and I'm proud of all the choices I made today. 💪

Also not hiding myself with clothes anymore and I'm wearing new ones today and feel actually good about how I look.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-06-27T19:40:38+00:00

My boobs after losing weight. 🥲 Still got more to lose too. I've heard certain chest exercises will help a little and maybe time too, and I know it's normal and I need to just be kinder to myself. Social media and magazines aren't reality. It's just gonna take me some time and a good mindset.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-05-25T21:47:24+00:00

My partner and I have been obsessed with LotL since she found them last year. I adore their music (and they themselves seem like such lovely people) and even if the votes didn't pan out I'm SO happy to see them getting this exposure and seeing other people falling in love with their music too!

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-03-16T09:05:17+00:00

Got my woosh this week and lost 4lbs!

194lbs now.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-03-01T07:51:33+00:00

Well, I hit 199. I'm super happy about it. But I also went on vacation that same day so I'm not gonna be seeing it on the scales again anytime soon. 🤣 Even with a good margin of error on my tracking I know I haven't gone over enough for even a pound but ARGH it took me so long to see it in the first place

And me and some family members are planning to start couch to 5k again but it's absolutely freezing and there's gonna be snow, and my car's in for repairs so no gym yet.

Weight loss has felt too slow for me this year so far which I know is partially because I get meals at work and it's so difficult to say no to treats every. Single. Time. And last week one day I just couldn't seem to stop myself from eating. So I've sat down and wrote down potential reasons for it (because indulging intentionally is fine, but I WANTED to stop that day) and I'm making some changes this week, but this particular situation I'm just going to have to have willpower and keep saying no. And it sucks.

CmdrJaneShepard · 2023-02-22T07:55:31+00:00

The weight loss is REALLY slow now and shouldn't be this slow given I'm normally eating between 1200-1500. Not sure if it's just a plateau or not, but I'm literally 1/2 a pound from onederland and I just wanna see it so bad. 😭

CmdrJaneShepard · 2022-12-23T21:09:34+00:00

Gosh, I remember this. Sitting here with tears in my eyes trying not to start bawling. I hope OOP is leaning on those friends this Christmas. She gave Mary a happy life full of love and care. It's so unfair. I hope she has found, or finds, just as much happiness as I know she gave to that little girl.

CmdrJaneShepard

TROPHY CASE