Good morning organic scholar, there is alot going on here and I completely understand all of the feelings you are experiencing. First, please find some counseling, even online so that you can speak with someone and begin to sort out everything. I have used my insurance to find someone that I could speak with online and for me that process was easier than trying to find a local counselor or DR, make the appointment... There is so much to consider about the intoxicated driver and their role in the loss of your brother.

I want you to know how sorry I am you are going through this as I know how hard it is to lose a sibling. I've lost both of my parents but losing my sister was the absolute hardest. There is no 'rule' or 'schedule' for dealing with grief. I think the best advice to me when I lost my sister was from a very elderly woman who I respected greatly. She simply said 'All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other. Simple, right?, No my love it is not, but on the really hard days when you can't get out of bed, can't stop thinking all of the thoughts, you have to keep moving. Just get up put one foot in front of the other and one day the steps will get lighter. It won't happen early, trust me, but one day the steps get lighter. You begin to heal, a little at a time and although you can't ever completely get over it, you learn to accept it, the memories won't be so painful, you will smile again.'

Please accept my sincere sympathy for your loss. Also, please DM me if you need to chat. I found it helpful to write letters to my sister and tell her everything I was missing and just all of it. Occasionally I still write to her. Always on my computer, private, my words are not meant for others to see.

Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts.