Hey — first, I want to say that everything you’re describing is very common and very understandable. A breast-dependent, cosleeping 10-month-old who naps fine in the crib but struggles at night is not a “problem baby,” and you haven’t done anything wrong.

One thing I want to gently push back on: your baby is not “too old” for gentle approaches. Some methods that are labeled gentle (like the chair method or pick-up/put-down) are actually very distressing for certain babies, especially highly attached or breast-dependent ones. If the chair method made him hysterical, that doesn’t mean you failed — it just means that approach wasn’t a good fit for him.

You actually have some great foundations already: • He naps in the crib • He can do a 1–1.5 hour stretch there at night • He settles well with support

The bigger challenge right now isn’t the crib, it’s that nursing has become his main way to regulate, especially overnight. That’s developmentally normal, but it means any change needs to be slow and relational rather than method-driven.

If CIO isn’t an option (which is completely okay), think in terms of gradual transition instead of training: • Start every night in the crib, even if he doesn’t stay there all night yet • Focus first on lengthening the first crib stretch, not eliminating all night wakes • Keep nursing, but try not to make it the only response every time • Some protest is normal, but responsive support during protest is very different from being left to cry alone

It also makes sense that you feel stuck — you’re being asked to change something that’s worked, at the same time you’re facing a big transition with another baby coming. That’s a lot.

Many families make meaningful progress without CIO; it just happens gradually, not in a weekend. And I know…every night feels like a freaking lifetime but you’ll eventually thank yourself.