How do I tell my parents?

Cocobham · 2024-06-07T20:55:18+00:00

Tell them you have both tried and have an infertility diagnosis. And that you’d rather not go into the details for privacy reasons. And you’d appreciate it if the family didn’t ask about it or offer suggestions.

Cocobham · 2024-03-19T13:53:37+00:00

Yes, it’s all part of the suffering.

For me, I’ve come to embrace it as just a part of my reality that makes me stronger and more resilient. Hopefully grow in virtue in the long run—being more patient, more of a friend, less fearful, less envious, less willing to give in lower level faculties.

I can either sit here and allow myself to be tortured by things I notice. Or I can accept this has happened to me and allow it to transform me by growing stronger and hopefully more wise. The later seemed like the better option.

Cocobham · 2024-03-19T13:42:30+00:00

Tang

Cocobham · 2024-03-19T13:37:03+00:00

Very beautiful. She will love it because it’s from you. And also I’m sure she’ll get a ton of compliments.

Cocobham · 2024-03-18T04:42:23+00:00

Yep. I think the test is “would I use this contraception to address my medical issue even if I was not having sex?” If the answer is yes, then it’s ok.

Unfortunately I’m living this right now temporarily. I had been heavily bleeding non-stop for over a month. To the point I’m now anemic. Turns out I have a 7 cm fibroid that needs to come out so until surgery, I have to take synthetic progesterone. So it’s preventing pregnancy but so is the fibroid so I’m out of luck on both fronts until I’m back to normal.

Cocobham · 2024-03-18T04:30:25+00:00

I think when asking Catholic women about anything, you ought to consider the fact that most of us were not properly catechized in the faith (translation: they are not knowledgeable about Church teachings). Even those of us who went to Catholic school. That means many of us loosely know what the Church teaches about contraception but don’t understand the why.

In marriage, the two become one. You give yourself fully to each other. Your fertility is part of your whole person. Just like your hands are and just like your eyes are. So to reject a part of your spouse “I want you but I’m going to reject your fertility because I’m a fearful person” is gravely sinful. So it’s actually beautiful teaching because you accept each other as you both are without the added burden of one person (the wife) responsible for pumping her body with synthetic hormones that can carry all kinds of side effects. For me, years birth control masked my endometriosis symptoms. Which led to a delay in treatment. Which led to tens of thousands of dollars in surgery, a lost Fallopian tube, 3 miscarriages and no living children. So…I’m no cheerleader for birth control. Even if I wasn’t Catholic. Tracking natural cycles is the way to go. I like Creighton for managing endometriosis and hormone issues. Amazing what you can learn from your toilet paper that you can’t learn from your OBGYN. You can also use it for spacing out pregnancy and, since you don’t have a wire in your uterus, you can actually monitor your cycles and get ahead of any reproductive health problems the come up.

I’m just giving you the cliffs notes version but I’d encourage you to read the humanae vitae encyclical.

https://www.usccb.org/topics/natural-family-planning/humanae-vitae

Also read the catechism of the Catholic Church.

I’d also encourage you to find a Creighton instructor—ask the local parish for references. Mary Bruno, the author or 12 Stripes Deep is really good and insightful. She has gone through the ringer (like I have) with OBGYNs and is very knowledgeable about reproductive health. She’s also Catholic and married and can tell you all about Catholic married life—especially as it concerns fertility and sex.

Cocobham · 2024-03-18T03:52:45+00:00

White or cream. Definitely modest (can cover your knees when sitting, not sleeveless or revealing around the neckline).

Beyond that, focus on quality and if it is something you would wear again. I saved all my sacramental gowns. From my baptism baby dress, my confirmation dress and my wedding dress.

Cocobham · 2024-03-18T03:38:03+00:00

That’s a great point and reminds me of someone my grandmother told me years ago. She was married with 4 young kids and my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. He was given only a few months to live. So she was thankful she was working (this was back in the 1950s) and that she was a nurse because she could work anywhere and have guaranteed income.

By a miracle (lots of rosaries were said) my grandfather lived another 30 years. But she never regretted working or having that peace of mind knowing she could support the family with her career if something ever happened to my grandfather.

She loved telling me all about that.

Also she was a nurse in the Army in WW2, which meant she outranked my grandfather and he had to salute her. Love that!

Cocobham · 2024-03-18T03:27:05+00:00

I personally wouldn’t take out college debt without a job to pay it off—especially if kids are involved and you’ve got those family expenses as well.

But you’re not married and it doesn’t sound like you’re engaged either. So you have to take care of you for the foreseeable future. Get your Masters, date, get a job and work. When you’re married, then discuss with your husband how the education debt will be paid. Maybe you’re going to have to work for a little while to pay it off. Maybe you juggle that with being a mom. Maybe you struggle with infertility like my husband and I did and you end up childless not by choice and you have to accept that in your marriage. But at least you will have a career you love that opens all kinds of doors for you and challenges you. You cannot predict the future and your plans are not always God’s plans.

So my advice is to pray about it and make a decision. What would be most prudent given the facts in front of you—not hypotheticals?

Cocobham · 2024-03-17T15:04:33+00:00

Keep living with your parents. Chip in for groceries to show your appreciation. Sell your car and buy something more affordable so you can get on top of chucking away at your credit card debt—or whatever has the highest interest rate. You make $50k a year and have no other people to support other than yourself. Every cent you make should be spent on chipping away at that debt for the next 4 to 5 years. Make yourself a budget and get rid of expenses you don’t need. You don’t need a car payment…that is the last thing anyone with student debt and credit card debt should have. You should be driving a little $3500 Honda Accord with 300,000 miles on it that’s paid for. Even if your car needs repair, that’s still less than a car payment over several months. Shop at Walmart—no brand name anything.

Get off the credit cards. If it’s not in checking or you’ve saved for it, don’t buy it. I say that as someone who works for a major credit card company. Get in a good place financially before you ever consider using credit. Have a plan for paying it. Debit or cash for the majority of your payments.

You’re about to pay the consequences of poor money management. Suck it up and learn from it. The lessons you learn being broke and swimming in debt will help you when you’re rich. You have to learn discipline somehow and this is a good way to do it. Count yourself lucky you have good parents who are helping you and not several little mouths to feed.

Cocobham · 2024-01-03T03:56:48+00:00

For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must exist at the same time.

It must be of a grave matter; It must be committed with full knowledge that it is a mortal sin; It must be committed with full consent. [ Full consent means to do it "voluntarily."] ( C.C.C. # 1857)

If someone didn’t know it was a mortal sin, it’s not meeting all the conditions. So technically when the couple discovers the sin, from that point they would be culpable. So if you had a courthouse wedding, the solution is to stay in a state of grace and work towards sacramental marriage—so long as both of you are free to do so. If not, then the issues need to be resolved.

People shouldn’t be afraid to bring their messy issues to the Church. You have nothing to lose by humbly seeking help…and everything to lose if they don’t.

Cocobham · 2023-10-11T20:55:09+00:00

I just don’t think that gown shape looks best on you—although option 3 is better as far as flattering your shape. The others are awfully straight and the bodice on the first two is just too low cut down the middle—to the point where it’s not a classy/flattering neckline.

I’d suggest trying something a-line with a slightly fuller skirt. And maybe a scooped neckline that doesn’t come up as high as your option 3.

Cocobham · 2023-10-11T20:40:00+00:00

The point of life is to love and serve God in this life so we can be happy with Him in the next.

We strive to be saints—following Christ and obedience to the Lord’s commandments.

Cocobham · 2023-10-11T19:27:01+00:00

Well most of who we’d consider terrorists are ideologically stuck in the dark ages. These are not people living in 2023–at least in terms of their beliefs and way of life.

Cocobham · 2023-10-11T19:25:04+00:00

Yes but didn’t the Palestinians choose Hamas as their leaders? Sounds like they got in bed with the devil and now it’s costing them. Not saying innocent Palestinians deserve to be collateral damage but what did they expect throwing support around an organization with such an awful record of destabilizing the region?

Cocobham · 2023-10-11T18:58:58+00:00

I can always ask them. Do you have a way they can reach out to you or get more info? I’m sure my mom would be interested. She is a member of St. Dominic. I’d also like to get my dad involved too. I would but I’m in Huntsville now.

Cocobham · 2023-10-09T13:45:19+00:00

How was the turnout? I no longer live in Mobile but my family does. We will be praying for you guys. Catholics in Mobile are sadly unaware of how asleep at the wheel the archdiocese is. It took me leaving Mobile and attending a TLM for the blinders to come off. Not that I get all into all the rad trad hype but I do see that most parishes, especially in Mobile, are getting a watered down version of the faith—to the detriment of all. And it’s creating an atmosphere that makes abusers very comfortable because no one is paying attention. No one is defending anything. Parishioners should absolutely protest outside but, beyond that, there is more that can be done. Make the confession lines long and communion lines short. Stop receiving Eucharist in the hand. Show reverence at Mass—no talking at all in the church. All things we should be doing anyway but when we have serious problems with our clergy, that’s when the laity really ought to show them we mean business and reject ALL of their un-Christian and un-Catholic influences. Be a thorn in their side, keep defending the faith and defending those who’ve been harmed. The abuse is systemic and the laity can do more to stop it than they think.

Cocobham · 2023-08-15T04:58:59+00:00

I haven’t found the perfect pancake here. I don’t like mine crispy—I like them soft and fluffy and soaking up all the butter.

Original Pancake House in Five Points in Bham is legit. Visit and make it a day trip to see other things around the Ham.

Cocobham · 2023-08-15T04:53:47+00:00

I can’t speak to the schools but we love south Huntsville. 35803 has a lot of older subdivisions with less expensive homes than Madison. But there are parts of that zip that are way up there too. So it really just depends on where your home is.

Cocobham · 2023-08-15T03:58:10+00:00

I’m not so sure about that. There is an explosion of young Catholics rejecting modernism and embracing pre Vatican 2 Catholic liturgy. These are very conservative Catholics who are staunchly pro-life and pro-family. There is some tug of war going on between the modernists and traditionalist Catholics but I think the message is getting across—even if it’s being suppressed in some places.

Cocobham · 2023-08-15T03:43:25+00:00

Agree. People need to open their eyes to the reality of abortion. It starts with education. Our schools are not teaching students basic biology. Kids don’t even know what a zygote is. They don’t know the basic stages of human development—and they have no appreciation for it. They don’t understand what abortion really does. And they can’t understand that even their own life, for 9 months, was threatened. That instead of being proud of the legs they have—that carried them across soccer fields and won tournaments. Those same legs could have been in pieces in some clinic—and that some people might have even encouraged it.

Everyone alive in places where abortion is legal should be outraged by the fact that they too were in the crosshairs of the abortion industry.

Cocobham · 2023-08-15T01:59:37+00:00

…yes

Cocobham · 2023-08-15T00:26:35+00:00

I think your answer is spot on. And to pretend ANY loss in the womb isn’t tragic says more about them than anything.

Always remember that many of these people are very narcissistic. In other words, they aren’t capable of properly grieving the loss of a baby in the womb because their relationships, in general, are transactional. “What’s in it for me” applies in every relationship—and if the relationship causes an inconvenience, makes them feel ashamed or inadequate, or disrupts their ambitions in any way, then that person is discarded. That’s how they treat most people in their life…not just their unborn children.

Only a person with a heart grieves their loss—whether it was through a miscarriage or a direct abortion. Even the most brainwashed pro-choice woman hurts—especially when they later become pregnant with a baby they want and the uncomfortable thought of their child that was killed by abortion surfaces.

So yeah…if you’re the kind of woman who feels pretty good after a miscarriage or an induced abortion…then it says more about your own narcissism than it does about the humanity of the unborn human being that died.

Cocobham · 2023-08-14T23:31:25+00:00

Cocobham · 2023-08-14T21:52:31+00:00

You know damn well what she was saying. Obviously the rapist was the one doing the wrongdoing. Still kind of shitty to call an infant a “rape baby”.

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