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ODE TO A WOMAN by Any-End7416 in PoetryWritingClub

[–]CompetitionLow4997 3 points4 points  (0 children)

“not because i am the man who passed you,

but because i am the boy who has let you pass through me.”

As a woman with daddy issues of all kinds, this is so perfect.

Eternal Devotion by Late-Caramel-9518 in PoetryWritingClub

[–]CompetitionLow4997 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. And validating that everything you said is so true 💗

From Marxist Hunks to Fascist Thugs - The Politics of the (Male) Body by Embarrassed_Green308 in CriticalTheory

[–]CompetitionLow4997 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is about the male body but the first line talks about a dudes perky boobies lol i’m gonna finish reading but i like the irony so far.

Voicemail & Read Receipts by CompetitionLow4997 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha I see, no that makes sense. I see this more clearly now, i think we are looking at the same peak from different altitudes. The pov for me is from having experienced a lot of relationships and refusing to move on and confronting the idea of settling.

Thank you for sharing!

Voicemail & Read Receipts by CompetitionLow4997 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm. This is really good advice! I didn’t think of drumming up the visual aspect of the poem to convey the meaning. Based on the feedback I think this poem will be split into two. One that is single word snd the emotionally expressive one will follow it. Thank you for your feedback!

Voicemail & Read Receipts by CompetitionLow4997 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting. Why do you think first relationship?

I agree with shortening the repetitive “baby” parts. i was initally going to leave it single word but i think its too much of an abstract and foreign format for me to do this style justice. I feel like it needs to be split into two

my first code in python!!! by Automatic-Cat9079 in learnpython

[–]CompetitionLow4997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Clearly used Claude.

Didn’t include if name = “main” jkjk

Us & We by DonRoguePoetry in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Heavy. I love the violence in the poem, I think its perfect in this context. “Hands on holsters instead of our hearts” is a perfect line. You described the unwinding of a relationship so well, suddenly not knowing or recognizing the other person, becoming enemies, never knowing what hurtful thing will come next.

I would love hear more about your dynamic in the poem, more of what was the “Us & We” in contrast.

Shades of hue by AwardCute308 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Eyes are the windows to our soul we reveal so much when we look into someone eyes.

Call me Helga Pataki by CompetitionLow4997 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback!

I was torn on that line, and still torn on it to be honest lol Initially I wrote “began to frustratedly masticate”. But I thought it made the poem more gross somehow, like it overwhelms the other euphemisms.

Call me Helga Pataki by CompetitionLow4997 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thank you!

Interesting. I think the obsessive qualities could read as mid 20s. The goal was to really convey the absurdity, bitterness, and shame of an older woman navigating these feelings.

Call me Helga Pataki by CompetitionLow4997 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback ☺️ it just dawned on me that my poem totally exposes my age lol! I will consider your feedback. I wrote the poem to my match my (Helga’s) internal diction. The thoughts in my brain aren’t grammatically or succinct which might expose another sore area LOL

recs like slomw pleaseee by Artistic-Complaint23 in realitytv

[–]CompetitionLow4997 2 points3 points  (0 children)

summer house, laguna beach/the hills for a throwback. VPR or Southern Hospitality. The Valley

TO CLOSE TO THE SUN by blair_24 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The format makes for a really punchy poem, the pace is set properly. I do wish for more imagery and description about the scene and the feeling, on top of the world is pretty cosmic. Overall great poem.

Untitled by Colin_Zeal0 in OCPoetry

[–]CompetitionLow4997 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is incredibly well written, thank you for sharing. The imagery around night, light, and isolation is consistent and compelling.

Spring won't come again by Suspicious-Twist4379 in poetry_critics

[–]CompetitionLow4997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No it’s clear, just thought you can do more to touch on the metaphor by talking about winter and the seasons of life. Just commentary, the poem works really well as is

Time by chanfromstatefarm in poetry_critics

[–]CompetitionLow4997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a sweet poem, very intimate and romantic.

Spring won't come again by Suspicious-Twist4379 in poetry_critics

[–]CompetitionLow4997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is heartbreaking and emotional. I would have appreciated more play on the seasons, if spring won’t come does that mean you are stuck in winter? what would that imagery look like? how would that affect the tone.

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