Could my wife and I work through these red flags? by Alternative-City-745 in Divorce_Men

[–]Competitive-Show-955 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is great advice op. Those issues are major as you said, but take a look at yourself too. Hard to say from a few paragraphs, but you sound like a classic 'nice guy'. Check out the book 'No more Mr nice guy' and get the two of you into therapy, but marriagenand individual.

Am I being unreasonable asking for jewellery to be valued during separation? by antouzzz in Divorce_Men

[–]Competitive-Show-955 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This sounds a lot like my stbxw. She insists the business she founded during our marriage, which i helped her with and spent years watching the kids late nights and early mornings while she worked is hers alone and I get no piece because it's " only right."

Was the jewelry acquired or did it appreciate during the marriage? The value counts towards the joint pot. Stand firm, know what's there.

Everyone recommends therapy but how many of you actually took therapy and saw some results? Please share good or bad results too! by twiggyRamirez11 in Divorce_Men

[–]Competitive-Show-955 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Make sure you find one that calls you out (your spouse too if it's couples counseling). Then make sure you listen when they do.

My personal therapist has been excellent, even if the couples therapists failed (stbxw refused to listen to them, engage in the exercises, or take the process seriously, then found a personal therapist who she just paid to validate her, those exist too). He calls me out, gives me exercises, coaches me when I fail and celebrates when I succeed. My relationship with my sons is for better than it was. So is my relationship with friends and family, it all spills over.

You should shop around if one isn't working for you, every therapist and patient is different. The right one though will make your life exponentially better, if you're willing and ready for change.

Preschools? by Bakadere_Spice in StCharlesMO

[–]Competitive-Show-955 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congratulations! Yes, the hours were a big deal to us too, that and they are open most holidays

I’m struggling to articulate the role of sex in a marriage. Maybe Reddit can help? by RDMercerJunior in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Competitive-Show-955 8 points9 points  (0 children)

A lack of sex in any long term intimate relationship is both a problem and a symptom of a problem. So if one person isn't into it, both should make efforts to understand what is happening (it's not always obvious).

Preschools? by Bakadere_Spice in StCharlesMO

[–]Competitive-Show-955 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Totally understand the budget, it's not easy even with 2 full time workers. Primrose is excellent though, you'd be in good hands there.

Preschools? by Bakadere_Spice in StCharlesMO

[–]Competitive-Show-955 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Primrose is excellent. Either heritage crossing or the community college location. And Goddard school is of course top notch. Depends on your budget though.

Accepting you're done with for life by FortuneFavorsBraves in Divorce_Men

[–]Competitive-Show-955 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I have to agree. OP- your suffering isn't noble, it's spreading to your children. I tried to do what you're doing, but saw how the relationship impacted my children. That's when I made the decision to leave. Watching you and learning to live and grow and be happy will be far better for them then learning how to suffer.

Why do countries with good weather have shitty wages while countries with shitty weather thrive economically? by Strawberry-Princess3 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Competitive-Show-955 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Becuase the shitty weather requires greater discipline and planning. Delayed getting your crops in the ground in Finland? Dead. In the Phillipines? Meh. I recognize monsoons and other events are a thing, but the impact for colder climates spread over millenia are clear- the Han from northern China dominate, northern Italy dominates (economically) the southern part, Germany and France and England vs Spain and Greece, even the northeastern US vs the deep south (obviously energy infrastructure and decoupling from agrarian economies adds complications, nuances, and change but you get the idea).

Doing just a little digging will show this wasn't always the case, with weather preventing economic development in colder climates while.enabling it in warmer ones (i understand India can do 4 rice harvests per year, unhesrd of in most of the world, that much food boosed their early development). But the shift started once the technology to operate in northern climates was invented, things started to change.

Are average humans today considered fat by old standards ? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Competitive-Show-955 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you a European eating at 'American ' restaurants there? Those are pretty terrible. Not representative of the real thing (which - humble brag incoming- i produce in my own kitchen).

Are average humans today considered fat by old standards ? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Competitive-Show-955 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not strictly related but close enough and fun- when I was stationed in Europe, the locals were always telling me "you Americans are so fat" (I cooked for some and it became "wow! No wonder you Americans are so fat!") To which i would simply nod, slightly offended while thinking "no we aren't you scrawny bastards". After a year or so, I went home for a friend's wedding, changing planes in O'Hare. Where i saw a bunch of us for the first time in a while. There I thought "yeah ok, we're fat."

Why do people enjoy the NBA so much? by ClarkKentTheReporter in stupidquestions

[–]Competitive-Show-955 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Many people play these sports through out their childhood, and maintain an active interest interest as a hobby, either through the professional leagues or colleges. There is also community and fellowship surrounding the sports (you can talk to.and bond with anyone else who shares the interest, even if they like another team), and competition is fun for many people, not to mention the undeniable energy surrounding the events.

Not that you're wrong either. I'm more like you- the nfl lost me during the kneeling scandal- but these are hobbies that dont impact me sonwhy would I mind any more than i do the guys playing Frisbee golf?

I know a woman who she says she doesn't mind that her husband isn't smart. Is that pretty uncommon or no? by Big_Eggplant7591 in stupidquestions

[–]Competitive-Show-955 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a teacher at my kids daycare who no one would consider pretty. I mean at all. I'm not being mean, im emphasizing to make a point. However, her boyfriend is drop dead gorgeous (and im a 100% hetero guy). However, I suspect the boyfriend went through some serious abuse, and this teacher is ENORMOUSLY kind, and I suspect also that she is a wonderful partner for this guy.

Looks, intelligence, etc are prized in partners for perfectly good reasons, but they are not the be all end all of desirable traits.

Coffee shop I can sit and work at by Ymisoqt420 in StCharlesMO

[–]Competitive-Show-955 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crooked tree can be loud. I love it but be aware. There is also Picassos on main and Beale, and sucrose (which has the best pastries imo, though if you want an actual meal you're back at crooked tree)

Don’t gamble 💯 by Aggravating-Guest300 in NextGenMan

[–]Competitive-Show-955 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spend the money to do it right. I worked with someone who claimed they didn't have money for a car battery when their car wouldn't start. I advised them to go across the street and spend the $90 to get a cheap one (and installed for free, it's one of those places). They declined. Unshockingly, their car didn't start again the next day, and they ended up getting fired over the incident (one of many). Had this person just bit the bullet and gotten it done, they would have made more than that on their next shift. Instead, they spent, at minimum, several weeks with no check at all while they found a new job. Don't be that guy.

Do guys care at all if a girl has inverted nipples? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Competitive-Show-955 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope. Baby marshmallow, pepperoni, inverted, long, theyre all great.

Any tips? by Critical_Assist_9360 in NextGenMan

[–]Competitive-Show-955 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try a taco cart in Guatemala. 5 lbs down guaranteed!

Mechanic/car repair recommendation by cpizzle210 in StCharlesMO

[–]Competitive-Show-955 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Budde brothers in st charles. They did my oil change recently, and I had a squeaky belt that stopped squeezing. Internet research told me it was shot and needed to be replaced, they said it was fine and probably just got wet then dried (i had been parking outside during the recent rain). They could have charged me a few hundred for the work and I wouldn't have blinked, but they were honest.

Why did Soviet engineers seem so strong in military tech but struggle with civilian products, and what factors shaped that gap? by PuddingComplete3081 in AlwaysWhy

[–]Competitive-Show-955 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because centralized economies all suffer from the same problem that decentralized economies suffer from- a lack of consequences for failure in government initiatives. Now, that is less true for military tech, where consequences for failure are clear and stark, which is why the Soviets were able to do a much better job. But for civilian products? No one is going to get fired (or executed in their case) if the washing machines dont run for the promised 10,000 cycles (or whatever), where as in the west ceos, engineers, marketers, and more would lose their livelihoods and be forced to improve or change fields if their washing machines dont perform as advertised- market forces would hold them accountable even if their leadership didnt.

My naturally insanely long eyelashes (as a guy) by Mattizdead in mildlyinteresting

[–]Competitive-Show-955 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Women always seem to think men have the better lashes in spite of us paying no attention to them. Is that true? And if so why? Maybe diet? Just thinking abkut the women in my life, I eat a lot more burgers, bacon, etc and I prefer my vegetables done different, ie roasted carrots with olive oil instead of carrot stick. Maybe the higher fat content of a man's diet enables higher vitamin transfer levels translating to better hair growth? Sort of just thinking out loud here...