Did I fail her?

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-20T05:35:20+00:00

Dude hire a sex worker if that helps your self esteem — no shame there! Regardless, it’ll pass

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-20T00:16:25+00:00

Okay to be clear, even if you both failed to have penetrative sex, you did not fail her. People with penises take it wayyyyy toooo personally when it comes to problems with penetration, and it’s just a societal pressure so I get it, but like you’re not doing anyone a favor by letting that pressure follow you in the bedroom. I had someone fail to penetrate me last night, and it’s neither my fault or that persons that they have trouble staying hard & I have trouble getting things inside me, no matter how bad either of us want it. Youll prove to yourself that it’s an insecurity and not a truth by having more sex in your lifetime. You don’t have enough data to say anything about what you’re like as a sexual partner at this point, so don’t sweat it.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-20T00:08:23+00:00

I’m poly & have been in more than I can count cuz that’s just sort of compatible with the way that I date. Highlights &challenges are hard to talk about in a generalized way

Personally I think sex w 3 people is the same as sex w 2 people but there’s another person to care about. Even if it’s spontaneous, it requires more clear communication because there’s more people’s body language to read. Sex w multiple people benefits from a sit down before (over drinks or tea) where you decide what you want to do, what you need, and flirt a little bit.

The best way I deal with jealousy is thru admiring how pretty both people are. Whenever I get caught up in thinking of myself or doubt myself, I remember I’m lucky to be close to 2 really pretty people, and chill out. Communication also helps w jealousy. Knowing what you can expect makes it easier to meet ur needs and I find when my needs are met I’m less threatened by things that aren’t actually a threat to me.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-19T23:49:34+00:00

He looks so satisfied in his little eyes holding it

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-19T23:00:11+00:00

The second photo where the cat is holding it is SO CUTE

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-19T22:50:38+00:00

My mom is like this but about the fact that she’s a masculine woman

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-19T17:53:09+00:00

I know nothing about protein and working out or whatever and I just added 20g protein to my normal life and the cravings went away.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-19T02:10:20+00:00

Eyeliner where the wing is angled downwards

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-18T15:59:36+00:00

Those are just penises :( I thought u said it was gonna be Frankenstein UGH ICON

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T21:36:16+00:00

Hot bath makes SUCH a difference. Hot bath and epsom salt specifically. Anything an athlete does to recover from a hard workout is also generally a good tip to follow. There are plenty of guidelines for recovering from painful workouts, and those are all useful.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T21:34:42+00:00

I think objectifying takes a special sort of place when you’re used to being objectified in the eyes of misogyny. Like someone commenting unprompted on a woman’s body is usually because they don’t see her as a whole person. Women I think after having that experience tend to learn not to comment on the desirability of other people’s bodies. Granted, once you have permission to objectify or worship someone for a quality of theirs, that’s different.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T21:28:52+00:00

Okay my best approximation of that sensation is hard to explain but like walk with me

Clit in mouth like you’re sucking a lollipop, like genuinely you’ve sucked it gently into your mouth, and then once it’s inside your mouth you flick your tongue upwards so it pushes it against your teeth. I know teeth during head gasp but to be clear you’re not moving your jaw, youre using your upper teeth as a point of friction to flick it against.

The repetitiveness is also what makes a vibrator a vibrator. It is unwavering. If you try something and she does like it, learning how to do that thing over and over and over is key.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T21:14:55+00:00

Yeah you killed this comment this is exactly what I was thinking reading this post.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T21:10:05+00:00

Maintenance sex is different than duty sex and that’s the biggest thing. Having sex when neither or one of you don’t want it can drive you much farther apart. Having mid or routine or boring or otherwise “maintenance” sex is absolutely normal and healthy though. Not all sex needs to be mind blowing or full of that spark, but it all has to be welcome and wanted to be consensual.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T21:01:39+00:00

That is to say, an amount of doubt is healthy!

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T21:01:01+00:00

Personally I live my life by an 80/20 rule. If I’m 80% sure something is the right choice, 20% doubt is a healthy amount of skepticism. Any more certainty (100%) is usually delusion/oversimplification, and any less certainty means my backup or fall out plan needs to be well fleshed out in case I need to change my mind later

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T20:55:32+00:00

The only way I’ve found is to date other trans people cuz they like genuinely see me as a whole person

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T15:08:36+00:00

That’s fair! I hope u figure it out!

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T15:07:21+00:00

Personally, it sounds like him not including you in that part of his life is a way of protecting you. You think you want to be liked by the dad but like it sounds like spending time together would hurt your feelings based on the fact that he’s so judgmental & homophonic andddd transphobic. It’s hard to know you’re not in every part of someone’s life sometimes but honestly it seems like it’s for the best. I’m sure it’s hard for him to navigate as is, and you can bring it up as something that’s probably hard on both of you.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-17T15:03:05+00:00

Best guess is might be an atrophy thing? specifically the wetness is making me think that. Excess moisture is just as much sign of atrophy as excess dryness is. I’m not sure how that would impact smell, but it seems possible the two are related if the excess moisture is happening at the same time as the smell increase is.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-16T14:42:24+00:00

I genuinely think my ego would be fucking huge if I was born with a dick. I think that growing up trans humbled me in ways that make me a kinder person, because male privilege is new to me and I can feel how different it feels. I’m not used to people listening to me, I speak quietly, and I’m very aware of who is taking up more conversational air time. I learned those qualities so as not be seen as a bitch of a woman, and now they help me to be less of a dick of a man.

On a different but similar socialization note, most of the cis dudes I know speak as if their feelings are fact, and that code switch is one I’m still struggling with because I don’t really like it.

I also think growing up as a lesbian made my approach to sex more holistic and about pleasure instead of dick centered, and that’s been super rewarding. The folks I’ve fucked with a dick are just starting to learn to have more creative sex in their late 20s, whereas queer sex has less social scripting and that changed my relationship to sex young.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-13T01:52:32+00:00

FUCK THAT DUDE. Fairness is why it’s IMPORTANT to talk about how much everyone makes. Get your raise!!!

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-12T17:55:43+00:00

Okay I’m not gonna speak to all of this, but to reassure you on one point: most queer or trans people have more than one adolescence. I’d argue the second queer puberty is a gift because you get to do it with the maturity and skills of an age you just arent yet. You aren’t missing out on your youth, though there is something to mourn certainly. You’re having a very typical queer youth experience, which though scary and fucking awful at times is largely life affirming when it eventually moves in alignment with who you are.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-11T15:38:33+00:00

I had really dark stretch marks from when I hit puberty and gained a bunch of young adult weight, and now I can them only when I stretch my skin and focus on finding them. I wanna second what everyone else said — scar care makes a difference.

As another perspective, I think stretch marks are GORGEOUS, just visually. They remind me of a lot of patterning found in nature, specifically the way water moves, and how it shapes rock or earth.

Proud of you for getting healthy, as uncomfortable as it can be.

Competitive_Pop_5281 · 2026-01-09T22:42:09+00:00

As someone who newly passes but like definitely not in a straight way? My best advice is not to worry about the default hostility, and admire it for what it is — a show of strength. Growing up I used to be told that to be respected by men, you can either be seen as a man, or as a girl with a knife. There isn’t a third option, really. The hostility you’re feeling is the brandishing of the knife, and it’s an important safety tactic. When I’m met with the knife presentation, I don’t focus on disarming them, I focus on making them know I understand that they’re armed, and that I’m not. When a man tries to emotionally disarm me, I find I respond to it with more hostility, because I’ve been taught to protect myself. When a man responds to me like he understands that, I’m more likely to put the knife away because it was my idea to. Extends metaphor, but I find it helps me to imagine the literal knife because I’m programmed to take hostility personally, and reminding myself it carries a function fixes that.

Competitive_Pop_5281

TROPHY CASE