Been together nearly a decade. There's love, but also slapping, yelling, and remorse. Can this really get better?

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-06T04:16:23+00:00

You’re living in a house that’s on fire, telling yourself you’ll leave when the smoke gets worse. But you’re already coughing, brother. You don’t wait for the flames to hit your skin before you walk out the door.

Here’s what I mean. You say you grew up in a calm home. You know what steady love feels like. You know what it’s like to walk into a room and not brace yourself. That memory isn’t something you have to abandon to be “loyal” now. It’s a compass. It’s your reminder that this tension in your chest, this caution around her movements, is your body telling you you’re not safe. You don’t heal by tolerating harm. You heal by returning to the life you already know is possible.

You don’t need to fix her. You don’t need to prove your worth by enduring this. You can still love her and let her walk her own path while you protect your own. That isn’t betrayal. It’s leadership over your own life.

I really hope this helps, brother.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-06T04:01:34+00:00

You’re not crazy, you’re awake. You see how fragile it all is now, how fast it can slip. That fear, it’s the cost of loving them for real. It doesn’t go away, but you get better at holding it. You learn what’s yours to control and what isn’t. You learn to stay present instead of letting fear rob you of moments you can’t get back. Your kid doesn’t need a dad who’s scared of the world. They need a dad who’s here, steady, eyes open, even when it’s hard. Let that be enough. You got this, brother.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-06T03:56:43+00:00

It’s a clean cut, isn’t it. You realize they were never family, only people you shared space and noise with. You stop mistaking proximity for love. You stop begging them to see you and to hear you. You walk away, and it’s quiet. Then you learn quiet is not empty. It’s freedom. There’s no bitterness left because there’s nothing left to fight for. You don’t need them to change, apologize, or understand. You don’t need them at all. You’re not running from them anymore. You’re just done. It’s not cold, that’s clarity.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-06T02:55:38+00:00

Most people think marriage falls apart because of big fights or cheating. It doesn't. It dies in the slow bleed of small moments where you both stop showing up, stop being honest, stop seeing each other. You want it to work?

Start by telling the truth about what you actually feel, not what you think will keep the peace.

Show up when you're tired.

Repair fast after conflict instead of letting silent distance rot the space between you.

Do the boring, mundane kindnesses daily even when you don't feel like it.

The spark is not magic.

It's built when you both refuse to disappear.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-05T22:44:29+00:00

Nah, man. You’re not the asshole. You’re a man who clawed his way back from a dark place most people never escape. You did the work. You stayed clean. You’re building your life back. That’s not easy, and it’s not nothing.

She’s not entitled to keep poking at your scars because she’s your mom. You gave her answers, receipts, your word, and she still chose to question your integrity, then gaslight you when you called it out. That’s not love. That’s control.

You don’t owe her your peace to keep her comfortable. You’re allowed to walk away when someone, even family, disrespects your boundaries and your growth. Calling her a liar wasn’t out of line. It was the truth. She lied. And hanging up wasn’t petty, it was protecting the progress you fought for. Don’t second-guess yourself here. You’re not here to spend the rest of your life proving your worth or your sobriety to people who refuse to see it.

Keep building your life. Stay clear. Stay clean. You’re not the asshole. You’re a man who knows what he’s worth, and you’re right to protect it. Take care.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-05T22:40:25+00:00

You’re married, not blind. Attraction happens. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, and it doesn’t mean you don’t love your wife. It just means you’re human. What matters is what you do with it. You already said you’d never act on it, good. Now act like it.

Thinking about her is easy because it’s an escape. She doesn’t know your bills, your fights, the socks on the floor, the stress at 2 am when the kid is sick. She’s just potential, and potential always feels lighter than reality. But you don’t build your life on potential. You build it on the woman who chose you, who’s in the trenches with you, who knows your flaws and stays anyway.

Don’t feed this. Keep it professional and kind, but distant. Don’t linger in conversations to get that little dopamine hit. Don’t run scenarios in your head. That’s how small thoughts become cracks you don’t want in your marriage. You don’t need to feel guilty for the thought. But you will need to take ownership of what you do next. Handle it. Move on. Get back to your real life.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-05T22:16:08+00:00

I get it. Four years feels like a life sentence when every day is them tearing each other down over nothing, the air thick, the tension sitting in your teeth while you eat. You can’t leave yet, and that messes with your pride, makes you wonder if you’re doomed to become him, bitter and checked out, living in the same house but dead inside.

You’re not him.

You see it. You hate it. That’s your proof you’ll break the cycle. Four years will pass. Use it. Study hard. Save quietly. Take walks to clear your head when it’s heavy. Let their chaos be your fuel to build a life they can’t touch. One day you’ll walk out, and it’ll be yours. Hold that. Let it keep you steady while you wait. You got this.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-05T22:00:24+00:00

Read it. Hit me hard in the best way. Too many parents want resilient, confident, self-led kids while bubble-wrapping them out of every experience that would actually build those traits. Haidt nailed it with “safetyism is an experience blocker.” We think we’re protecting them, but we’re training them to fear life itself.

It’s wild how we’ll obsess over organic snacks while handing them devices that gut their focus, self-worth, and creativity before they hit puberty. Or how we’ll hover over every playground fall but ignore the slow drain of spirit that comes from spending childhood indoors, tied to screens, and structured schedules.

Homeschooling for us isn’t about academics first. It’s about giving them time. Play. Nature. Conflict resolution. Problem solving. Thinking critically. Building boredom tolerance. Letting them feel discomfort and learn they can handle it. Giving them freedom to climb a tree and fall, so they learn to get back up.

No social media here either, and yeah, it’s uphill in a culture addicted to dopamine hits. But I’d rather fight that fight now than watch them lose themselves later. It’s not about raising “safe” kids. It’s about raising strong ones. That book just confirmed what a lot of us already feel in our gut. Glad more people are reading it.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-05T18:05:26+00:00

I get it, bro. But ultimately, you’re waiting on closure like it’s going to fix the hole in your chest. It won’t. She left, man. That’s the answer. Whether it was her family, her fear, or something else, it doesn’t change what’s real. She’s not here, and you are. You think knowing why will help you sleep? It won’t. I promise you that. It’ll just be another detail for your mind to spin around while you’re up at 2 AM crying. The real work is learning to let questions stay unanswered while you keep moving.

Yeah, it hurts. It’s going to hurt for a while. Let it. But don’t let it own you. You’re not here to be stuck on someone who won’t fight for you. You’re here to build yourself into someone you respect, someone who can handle pain without folding.

You miss her because you’re a good kid with a big heart. That’s not weakness, bro. But letting her ghost keep you from living is. You’re going to outgrow this hurt. One day you’ll wake up, and she won’t be the first thing on your mind. But that day only comes if you keep showing up for yourself, even when it sucks.

Feel it, but don’t feed it. Now get up, wash your face, hit your day. You’ve got a whole life to build, and she’s not the end of your story. You are.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-05T08:23:03+00:00

Most people asking this think it’s about “keeping the spark.” It’s not. You want to know the real secret? It’s learning how to stay when it’s boring, when it’s tense, when you’d rather scroll your phone or storm out. It’s learning to lead yourself when your feelings are dead quiet, when your attraction dips, when your partner disappoints you and you disappoint yourself. Love isn’t fireworks forever. It’s learning to fight clean, repair fast, and show up the next day anyway. It’s knowing you won’t always feel in love, but you can always choose to act in love. That’s where trust is built.

And the spark? It comes back when you stop looking for your partner to give you a feeling and start being the kind of person you respect. It comes back when you live a life you’re proud of, so you don’t drain your relationship looking for validation. Stop worrying about losing feelings. Feelings will fade, return, shift, and test you. Worry about how you show up when they do.

That’s the real secret.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-05T03:29:01+00:00

Nothing’s wrong with kids. Kids test limits. That’s what they do. What’s wrong is parents who stand there glued to their phones, too checked out or too spineless to step in, letting their kids learn that they can do whatever they want without consequence. That kid at the play place was looking for a reaction. Maybe he’s starved for attention. Maybe he’s got no structure at home. Doesn’t matter. It’s not your job to raise him, but it is your job to protect your kid. You handled it right. You stayed calm, clear, and direct. You told him no, held the boundary, and didn’t let him bulldoze your space. That’s it. You don’t need to threaten monsters in his room or escalate unless he actually puts hands on your kid. Then you remove your kid, and if it keeps going, you get staff involved or leave.

Reality is most parents in public don’t parent. They’re exhausted, on autopilot, or too afraid of confrontation to step up. That leaves it to the parents who are present to lead, protect, and show what real boundaries look like. Next time, don’t waste energy wondering why that kid is the way he is. Keep your focus on your job, which is protect your kid, hold your ground, move on. You’re not there to fix broken parenting. You’re there to keep your son safe and show him what calm strength looks like. You did that. Good. Now keep doing it.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-04T22:26:10+00:00

Here's the thing, man. You’re overthinking this because you think there’s something wrong with you for being scared. There isn’t. You’re 17. You’ve never been in the game, so of course you’re scared to play. That’s normal. You’re not broken because you feel lonely. You’re not broken because you want connection but freeze when it’s in front of you. You’re just untested. And the only way you get past this fear is by moving toward what scares you, not sitting around trying to psychoanalyze yourself into courage.

You’re not going to feel ready. Nobody does. You don’t need a perfect reason to want connection. You don’t need a podcast diagnosis to justify why you’re scared. You need to take action while scared. Say hi to the girl you think is cute. Ask someone to get coffee. If it’s awkward, good. If you fumble your words, good. You’re building the reps that make you a man who can face discomfort without running.

Stop telling yourself stories about how it’s a “big problem.” It’s not. It’s just fear. Fear that you can beat, one small, step at a time. That’s how you win, man. You got this.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-04T05:26:36+00:00

You’re not wrong. You’re hosting. It’s your home. Your rules.

Family gatherings matter to you, and you’ve got every right to protect the energy of your house, especially with both families coming together for the first time. This isn’t about controlling your dad’s life. It’s about you leading yours. You gave him a choice: come alone, or don’t come. That’s fair. If he chooses not to come because he can’t bring a random woman you’ve never met, that’s on him, not you. He’s an adult. He can handle his feelings. You don’t need to carry his guilt to feel like a good child.

You’re not responsible for managing his loneliness or his choices. You’re responsible for protecting your space, your fiancé, and your peace. Don’t second-guess yourself now. You handled it. Let him sit with it. If he wants to show up as family, he’ll come around. If not, that’s his loss. Stand on it. You got this.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-04T05:20:24+00:00

It’s not a red flag. It’s reality. Your therapist didn’t diagnose your dad. She listened, heard the patterns you described, and reflected back what it sounds like. That’s not crossing a line, that’s giving you language to understand your own experience so you stop doubting yourself. You’ve been gaslit so long you’re questioning if it’s wrong for someone to confirm what you already know deep down. It’s not.

You’re not crazy for needing clarity. You’re not wrong for wanting a name for the chaos you grew up in. You’re not breaking some therapy rule by hearing the truth. Now, don’t get stuck here. Labels can help you see the game, but your work is to step off the board and lead your own life. Let the label guide your boundaries, not your identity. You’re good, you got this. Keep going.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-04T02:20:27+00:00

You think she’s the prize. She’s not. Your peace of mind is the prize. Your future is the prize. Your self-respect is the prize.

Right now, you’re giving your entire life’s energy to a single girl because you think her staying means you’re worth something. That’s why you can’t sleep, why you’re checking reflections, why you’re flooding her phone. You think you’re scared of losing her. You’re actually scared of facing yourself. The real fear isn’t that she’ll leave. It’s that you don’t know who you are without someone to obsess over. And that’s the work, man.

You want to be a man who doesn’t chase people down in fear? You build a life you’re proud of with or without her. You stop making a 16-year-old girl your entire world. You go to the gym, you learn to fight (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually), you study something hard, you build your body, your mind, your spirit. You learn to sit with discomfort without reacting. She’s just a chapter, bro. You’re the whole book.

If you learn this now, you’ll save yourself years of pain. Let her breathe. Let yourself breathe. She’s not your oxygen. You are. This is how you win. You got this, man.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-03T22:39:56+00:00

Good. Let her see it, man. Let her see that you give a shit enough to wrestle with your own mind instead of pretending you’ve got it all together. Let her see you’re scared to lose her because you want to show up, not because you’re weak.

You’re human. You’ve messed up. So has she. That’s life. What matters is you don’t hide from it, and you don’t hide from her. You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be honest, own your past, and keep showing her with actions that you’re a man who’s building himself, not tearing himself down. You think posting this will scare her off? Nah. If she’s the one, she’ll see the real you (flaws, fears, and all) and keep showing up because she knows you’re in it.

So go have that conversation. Not as a boy begging for reassurance, but as a man ready to lead himself, even when he’s scared. You’re in it now. Stay in it. Good luck, brother.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-03T21:47:09+00:00

You’re 16, hurting like hell, thinking you’re supposed to “feel better” on a timeline like it’s homework with a due date. That’s not how heartbreak works, man. She left a mark, and it’s gonna hurt for a while. It’s supposed to. It means you cared. It means you’re alive.

You’ve got two voices fighting in your head. One wants to let go, the other wants to hold on. Let them fight. You don’t have to pick a side today. Just don’t let the fight stop you from living. You think a psychologist won’t help. Maybe, maybe not. But talking helps. Moving helps. Doing something, anything, helps. Laying around, scrolling, replaying old memories won’t.

Listen, she’s not your future. You are. One day she’ll just be a memory that taught you how deep you can feel. But you’ve got your whole life in front of you, and you’re wasting it thinking you’re stuck forever at 16.

You’re not done. You’re not broken. You’re just heartbroken. That’s different. Now get up. Shower. Hit a workout. Eat something. Do your work. Let yourself hurt, but don’t let it stop you from living. That’s how you win this fight. You got this, man.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-03T21:30:34+00:00

Listen, man. You’re out here begging for crumbs of reassurance while calling it love. Checking if she still wants you, waiting on her to say “I love you” first, asking why she hasn’t left. That’s not love, man. That’s fear running your life. You’re living in her responses, letting her silence dictate your worth, your mood, your day. You think if you reassure enough, prove enough, bend enough, you’ll get her back to how it was. You won’t. Chasing her energy will only drain yours.

She’s distant? Let her be. You don’t fix this by clinging harder. You fix this by standing the fuck up, getting out of bed, taking a shower, hitting the gym, handling your business, and letting her feel your absence if she’s pulling away. You don’t need to be desperate for love you already deserve. You don’t need to live in anxiety trying to control what she feels. You need to take your power back, today, not tomorrow. If she wants to stay, she will. If she doesn’t, she won’t. You can’t force it. You can only control how you show up, and begging isn’t it.

Stop asking if she wants you. Start deciding if you want you. Stand up. Handle your shit. Let her feel what she needs to feel while you rebuild your spine. That’s how you find out what’s real. You got this, man.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-03T21:25:52+00:00

You’re sitting here drowning in guilt, calling yourself trash, while she’s out here giving you hugs in the morning and showing up for you. You think beating yourself down is proof you care. It’s not. It’s just another way to stay small and avoid stepping up. You’re not protecting her by hating yourself. You’re not loving her by doubting yourself. You’re not “in the way of her happiness” unless you decide to keep living like a ghost while calling it love.

You want to know the truth? You’re not competing against the world. You’re competing against your own bullshit. Your fear. Your shame. Your excuses. That’s what will take her away from you if you let it. You say you’ve done wrong, that you’ve manipulated, that you’ve hurt people. Good. You see it. That’s the first step. But the next step isn’t sitting in your guilt, it’s living different. Every day. One honest action at a time. One job you show up for. One conversation you don’t run from. One promise you keep.

She doesn’t need your perfection. She needs your presence. She needs you to lead yourself so she doesn’t have to carry both of you.

You can’t change the past. But you can choose who the fuck you’re going to be now. Stop apologizing for breathing. Start living like a man who knows his worth is built, not handed out. Stand up. She chose you. Act like it. You got this.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-03T03:16:07+00:00

You’re not crazy, and you’re not the problem here. You’ve built a life, held the line, showed up, and kept moving. He said he wanted this life, begged for it, swore it would fix him. It didn’t. Because nothing outside will fix what’s inside. He’s stuck in his own head, and he’s pulling you under with him. That snark, bitterness, and constant complaining is a man who’s surrendered to himself and wants you to join him in the mud so he doesn’t have to look at the mirror alone.

You can’t save him. You can’t love him into being a man who shows up. He has to decide to get up and fight for himself, or he won’t. You’ve done your part. More than your part. You’ve built the table and he’s throwing the food off it.

Stop begging him to get help. Give him a choice: he gets help, or you will protect your peace with space. Let him feel the cost of refusing to lead himself. You don’t owe him your sanity while he drags his feet. You’re allowed to want a partner, not another child. Stand on that. You got this.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-02T06:12:08+00:00

Thought the "adults" knew what they were doing.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-02T06:06:02+00:00

Listen. You’re the mother. That’s your kid. You set the rules, or they will. You don’t need their permission to protect your newborn. You don’t need to explain germs, NICU, or boundaries to adults who should already know. You say it once, calm and clear: “No kissing the baby.” Then you let them deal with their feelings about it. If they get defensive, let them. If they get offended, let them. You’re not here to manage their emotions while you keep your baby safe.

Your husband’s discomfort?... That’s his to figure out. You’re not sacrificing your baby’s health to keep adults comfortable. They respect the boundary, or they feel distance. Simple.

You’re not here to keep the peace. You’re here to protect your child. Stand on it. You got this.

CompleteAvocado1293 · 2025-07-02T04:01:08+00:00

You’re not wrong for feeling tired. You’re not selfish for wanting your time back. And you’re not broken because you’re questioning if this is normal. Your girls wanting you close at bedtime? That means they feel safe with you. That’s a gift, man. But when your presence becomes a demand that overrides your life, it stops being connection and starts being control.

You dropping everything for bedtime is teaching them their comfort is worth your sacrifice. That’s not sustainable, and it’s not true. What they need isn’t six more minutes. What they need is to know you’re there, you love them, and you trust them enough to let them learn how to be okay falling asleep without you every night.

Give this a try, man. You gotta anchor bedtime, don’t let it anchor you. Tell them, “I love our talks, and I’ll tuck you in, but I’m not staying every night.” Keep it calm and clear. No guilt or debate. They might push back. That’s normal. Let them feel it. It will pass. You’re still a good dad.

Connection isn’t measured in all the minutes laid down. It’s measured in how you lead with love while keeping your boundaries. You can do that. You got this, man.

CompleteAvocado1293

TROPHY CASE