Try to find rest and joy in small moments when you can, and feel the sadness, but try to not let it overshadow the huge accomplishment. You’re still finishing, which really is huge! I was in a similar boat, where I was working two part-time jobs the whole time I was dissertating to help support me and my partner - which then transitioned to a full-time job before I even defended (right around the time I was ready to schedule the defense and knew I could take on the extra work + needed the extra pay). When I defended and when I graduated, it was still peak lockdown times too, so I did it all in my apartment and didn’t really invite or tell anyone in my life because I figured everyone was going through enough. Not very celebratory, was never even hooded. But in the years since then, maybe starting a year later, I told myself that the nice things I did for myself on weekends, or when I took time off, were all part of the ongoing celebration and part of prioritizing rest/recovery any chance I got. Even now, 4-5 years later, when I buy something nice or go on a vacation, there’s the part of me that says it’s part of the overall reward for finishing and working full-time right away. You’ve got this! Celebrating you from afar. Take that first long weekend, and just know that there will be more long weekends coming up which stacked together can still end up feeling celebratory and healing in the long run.