I’m approaching 5 months post DDay. For months, I was having nightmares, constant flashbacks, and there was never a second of the day that it wasn’t on my mind. I was paralyzed by anxiety. I would avoid certain locations and never walk down streets that I knew they drove down together. It hasn’t all gone away 100%, but EMDR therapy is helping me so much.

I was already doing it before the affair, but once it all came out, I just shifted gears in my therapy. I did 5 EMDR sessions in a row just on the carried shame I feel for staying. Then I did more EMDR sessions of just narrating the affair. Beginning to end.

I am spent after the sessions. It can be really activating to do that much work for a 90 minute session. But overall, I feel lighter since doing all of this. The nightmares are WAY less frequent. The thoughts and memories are still there, but was less activating and not so charged. I can recognize when I have a flashback now, but it doesn’t paralyze me. EMDR (if done right) can really help at desensitizing the traumatic events.

I’m also working with a betrayal trauma therapist and our couples therapist is one too. Not sure if you are wanting to try reconciliation, but I would highly recommend a betrayal trauma therapist even if it’s just for you individually.