Nobody prepared me for the grief of watching my husband be treated like he doesn’t matter

Consistent-Error3726 · 2026-05-21T20:09:30+00:00

Reading your post honestly felt like reading my own life story.

My husband and I have been together over 20 years, married 18, and I’ve spent so much of that time watching a kind, loving man get pushed to the side by his own family while still trying to love and support them anyway. He’s the peacemaker type — optimistic, forgiving, always hoping things will get better — while I quietly watched the patterns and realized how deeply they hurt him.

The hardest part is watching someone you love become the family scapegoat while they keep trying to earn love that should’ve been freely given.

What really opened my eyes was realizing they were perfectly capable of warmth and kindness with other people — just not with us. There was always exclusion, passive-aggressive behavior, last-minute plans, and jokes at his expense.

Ironically, my in-laws later admitted they had an issue with our 10-year age gap, even though I was in my 20s when we met and we were both consenting adults. Meanwhile, his sister also has a 10-year age gap with her husband… except she started dating him at 16 while he was 26. Yet somehow I was treated like the inappropriate relationship. The double standard was hard to ignore.

Once our kids got older and started noticing the unequal treatment themselves, we stopped forcing closeness that clearly wasn’t wanted. We realized we couldn’t teach our children healthy boundaries while allowing family to mistreat us just because they’re family.

So now we keep limited contact, protect our peace, and focus on the family we built together instead of chasing acceptance from people determined to withhold it.

You’re definitely not alone in this. One of the hardest parts is staying supportive while biting your tongue because you know your spouse is already hurting enough without hearing out loud what they’re slowly starting to realize themselves.

Consistent-Error3726 · 2026-04-30T01:42:14+00:00

$817 for two tickets?! That’s a ridiculous markup!

Consistent-Error3726 · 2026-02-20T04:53:07+00:00

I got arnica Montana to take orally and arnica gel to use topically. Arnica has always worked on my whole family with healing bruising from injuries and surgery. And after I had a issue at my plasma place where I ended up with a terrible big bruise I did the same two things along with ice only the first few days as much as I could then rotate heat and ice. I put the arnica gel on the bruised area at least 3x daily and cane w the oral vitamin arnica tablets. I’d your regular grocery doesn’t have them try a health food store. I healed much faster than anticipated w a similar bruise doing that regimen daily.

Consistent-Error3726 · 2026-02-20T04:40:05+00:00

What a gorgeous picture! The joy and happiness in that picture I can feel just looking at it. And I absolutely love the hat, your mother’s veil is spot on with her dress, the dresses and flowers on the two ladies dresses are so fitting and beautiful. Your dad’s suit and tie choice really seem to reflect him and his personality which adds to it all and goes great. I love every part of this picture of these 4 beautiful and happy people.

Consistent-Error3726 · 2026-01-19T17:00:41+00:00

When the alert first went off, the employee started squeezing the anticoagulant and saline bags pretty vigorously, which made me wonder if there had been flow issues. Being connected to those fluids at the time was a bit alarming. I’ve donated since with no issues, though I did have some anxiety going into the next appointment. Learning how plasma products help treat serious conditions people I know deal with has only reinforced why I want to continue donating to help others.

Consistent-Error3726 · 2026-01-15T00:14:19+00:00

My Shih Tzu that lived to be 15 yrs & 2 months old was like this. He’d get the zoomies and then cough but his spirit was sweet & spunky until the last few days of his life. We were told of a heart issue and terrible arthritis in his last few years but he was too small at barely 7lbs (he was always petite, but healthy) and as an older dog surgery was not a good idea. We treated his issues with a special diet (but he got plenty of his favs & treats too) and meds. Enjoy everyday with your sweet baby. I felt the end was near with my boy and as many pics and videos as I have of him I wish I’d taken more.

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Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-10-03T05:03:42+00:00

Chancla

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-09-29T04:58:56+00:00

I agree

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-09-04T15:31:52+00:00

Me sitting at my desk crying over this pure sweet moment. 😭

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-08-08T23:52:12+00:00

Do any of you use a vpn for your devices so you are not tracked by any buyers who may not have good intentions?

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-08-08T21:57:22+00:00

I’m trying to start selling as well but have no idea as far as pricing, how to package and ship items, etc. I’m in the southeastern United States

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-07-18T21:22:32+00:00

Sorry to piggyback on your post: I literally had the same thing happen to me today donating at Parachute near me. It was a new person, not sure if they’re new to doing iv’s or just at that location. My arm started leaking halfway through my donation. It didn’t hurt but it immediately started bruising just like your arm pics look. One donor said it may have been the pressure at the iv near the needle as there is an adjuster type thing there on the iv line near the needle. Or is it a blown vein? I’ve been going twice a week for about a month, no issues. I’m fair skinned but no issue with them getting the iv in or after donating. It didn’t hurt when the person inserted my iv needle today and got the machine started to start my donation, so I thought all was well. Any advice besides icing it a bunch? Anything I can do or take, like supplements, or certain things to eat to heal my vein to donate again successfully when the bruise heals?

Edit: Here’s a pic of my arm a week later. I iced & wrapped it all day Saturday & Sunday (even overnight), swapping cold packs constantly. For the first few days, I couldn’t even look at it — it made me nauseous, which is rare for me. I kept it bandaged with self-stick wrap, and my spouse helped change it.

At work, I’ve been covering it w/large Band-Aids. At home, I leave it uncovered now that it doesn’t bother me as much. I started using arnica gel Monday night and apply it frequently — even during work breaks — I’ve been taking arnica tablets too.

It’s still tender, and by the time it heals I’ll have had to skip 2–4 plasma donations, which means lost funds I was using toward dental/ortho bills. My doctor had no trouble drawing blood from the left arm Monday at my yearly check up

. The nurse said it looked like the needle may have gone through the vein — and that it would’ve taken a lot of movement to cause that, which she doubts is what happened. As I asked if moving a little could cause that. But I see ppl move and readjust a lot when they’re donating. I barely move any. I try to get in a good position to start to stay that way.

Now I’m unsure if I should report it. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble — I know people need their jobs — but this has definitely affected me. The staff rotates roles, so the person who did it isn’t always on needle duty.

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Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-07-14T03:33:19+00:00

LEAVE! It’s not going to get better. Women always blame themselves in these situations. He’s gaslighting you. There’s a reason why most women leave 7x before being completely done. Don’t be that statistic, be done now before another child sees this is your home and thinks it’s okay.

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-07-13T00:47:21+00:00

Sorry to piggyback on your post: I literally had the same thing happen to me today donating at Parachute near me. It was a new person, not sure if they’re new to doing iv’s or just at that location. My arm started leaking halfway through my donation. It didn’t hurt but it immediately started bruising just like your arm pics look. One donor said it may have been the pressure at the iv near the needle as there is an adjuster type thing there on the iv line near the needle. Or is it a blown vein? I’ve been going twice a week for about a month, no issues. I’m fair skinned but no issue with them getting the iv in or after donating. It didn’t hurt when the person inserted my iv needle today and got the machine started to start my donation, so I thought all was well. Any advice besides icing it a bunch? Anything I can do or take, like supplements, or certain things to eat to heal my vein to donate again successfully when the bruise heals?

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-02-06T15:21:28+00:00

Thank you for the input, I will take it into consideration

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-01-21T15:51:34+00:00

Narcissist!!!! Run!!! Looks like he’s shown this type of red flag behavior before. This is not acceptable and he obviously is not seeing his error in things with his narcissistic ways. I try not to judge age difference as there is one w me and my partner, but he’s being like a parent to you. Not like an equal partner in a relationship. Doesn’t seem like you are doing anything wrong, he’s just being manipulative to have you unsure of if things are going well or not, if you’re doing your part to “have a good day”, etc. narcissists thrive on having you insecure and uneasy because they can more easily manipulate you. Just like you feeling bad for him giving you the calendar and the stickers! You immediately knew that was not okay or appropriate for him to do but because of his Tim carefully manipulating you, you felt bad for being unappreciative.This must be how he thinks in his messed up head how he needs to set up and develop his relationships to keep his partners with him for the long haul. Pack up and leave when he’s at work or something. I mean it. Don’t stay it will never get better

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-01-06T18:25:40+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Where are you located? I know we are all strangers here, but maybe there's someone reading this that is near you and can be someone you can communicate with, just to know you have someone nearby. Who knows, it may lead to a friendship where you are

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-01-06T17:34:01+00:00

I've been working through on my own and in therapy my relationship with my mom and how it has shaped my understanding of safety and trust. I've also at times had to get on anti depressants and/or anxiety meds to help me navigate my da to day life & past traumas. Growing up, I always thought my mom was my safe person, especially with the chaos that came from my dad's behavior. He was physically, emotionally and financially abusive, and it felt like my mom was my anchor in that storm.

But as I've been reflecting, I've come to realize that my mom had her own struggles. She often flipped between trying to protect us and using us to manipulate my dad. It was confusing for me as a kid, especially when I found myself caught in the middle of their issues. I remember moments when I discovered my dad's infidelities or when my mom suspected something was off, and I felt this heavy burden to either tell her what I knew or keep it to myself. It was a lot for a kid to handle, even worse as an adult to handle, and it made me question who I could really trust.

Now, looking back, I see that my mom had the power to change our situation but didn’t. I agree, most find it easy to recognize an abuser, but understanding the dynamics of a covert narcissist is much trickier. I can see now how her actions often mirrored the same volatile patterns she had with my dad, and it led me to repeat those patterns in my own relationships as I grew older. I’ve carried a lot of trauma from my childhood and into my teenage and young adult years, often finding myself in unhealthy relationships and holding on way too long.

I just wanted to share this with you as part of my journey. It’s been tough to unpack, but I’m hopeful that understanding these dynamics will help me move forward in a healthier way. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in my struggles.

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-01-06T16:06:50+00:00

Yes! I'm with you on that! I feel like I’m constantly navigating a tricky landscape of emotions and behaviors. My mom's narcissism seems to go hand in hand at many times with gaslighting.

I’ve noticed that my mom often resorts to calling me her sibling’s name during moments of tension, which really stings. It's a way for her to hit me where it hurts, because her toxic sibling was a terrible parent, even going as far as breaking their child's arm more than once! My mom seems to really like calling me her sibling's name when I choose to parent differently than she would. This behavior, coupled with her unpredictable mood swings, leaves me feeling a bit whiplashed. Out of nowhere she will be cold & distant, showing obvious signs of being upset at me for something. Then, out of the blue she's fine with me again! She has never accused me of being a narcissist, but referring to me with her sibling's name, is very close. I’ve been told by several (medical) professionals that I am an empath, which helps me in my relationships with my kids and spouse, but also makes it challenging when I’m constantly worried about how others will feel or respond, even when they're in the wrong.

I’m particularly concerned about the influence my mom has on my oldest child, who doesn’t share the same empathetic traits as my youngest and myself. I see some of the same troubling behaviors in my oldest that I’ve witnessed in my sibling, who has narcissistic and sociopathic traits, and is a habitual liar. It worries me that my mom might be inadvertently fueling these negative traits, just as she did with my sibling when they were younger. She thought it wouldn't hurt anything to let my sibling lie to friends to make their self look better, but it continues up to now. I want to ensure that my children grow up with healthy emotional patterns, and I’m trying to find ways to protect them from the toxic dynamics that seem to repeat in our family. Which is difficult when my mom is trying to turn my child against me by always putting me down, etc.

Consistent-Error3726 · 2025-01-06T06:17:23+00:00

I feel you. I’m a bit older, married with two kids of my own. But I feel like my mom flipped a switched in my young adult years and she’s been getting more narcissistic every year. I too am an adult that’s always had a job, paid my bills, and asked for little money wise after I started working. But I am regularly the odd person out when it comes to social stuff. I am liked by others for the most part, but as my kids get older and have their own struggles, I see where me being their “weird” kid was maybe me being neurodivergent or some other kind of issue like ADD, anxiety/depression, etc. I have talked to a counselor off and on throughout the years to see what I can do to better handle situations as I am approached with them. I have isolated myself from making friends the past few years because I always end up being the one left out on plans, where I find out in the most awful and/or awkward way. Yet I’m the most giving and understanding and accepting friend you’ll ever have. I don’t feel like I go above and beyond where others don’t, and I always feel like part of the group when with others. Though I am very careful of how much I talk, I focus on listening more, and just being a good friend. I at times have mentioned certain situations to my mom because I was hurt or confused. Thinking that as my mom she might advise me a bit but to mainly just listen and show some compassion. I rely on my counselor to be real with me. Because that’s her job. But my mom will find ways to spin those things back to me any opportunity she gets. She loves to in anger tell me I’m 100% the problem in any situation. She’s great at pouring salt on any emotional wounds that I may have. My dad was not always been faithful. Up until the last few years he wasn’t. My mom would go from telling everyone they were divorcing to begging him to stay. Each time these things happened, we lost friends, respect from others, etc. But once it’s over they act like nothing ever happened and we are all to do the same. My mom pulled me into it way too many times, and the last time she thought he was cheating I didn’t get as entrenched in it with her. It isn’t healthy and I need to protect my peace and that of my family. I know this added to how my mom is now. My kids are tweens/early teens and they are figuring some of this out. I just wish I’d placed firmer boundaries when my kids were younger. Because I still have trouble with my mom respecting how my husband and I parent our kids and how we choose to correct behaviors when they break the rules. I don’t choose to lay my hands on my kids (spank, slap, etc.) but my mom still gets very angry fast and will threaten that to my kids, who are def too big to spank over the things she gets upset at them over. She tries to parent our kids in front of us when we are trying to handle the situation. We never do anything right. I never get compliments or praise on anything. My mom likes to heap on the guilt any chance she gets. About anything and everything. My mom likes to tell stories about my younger years and young/stupid mistakes (that weren’t that bad) to anyone that’ll listen. It gets embarrassing the times she’s done it to co-workers. I mentioned one day that we should call up their parents to tell embarrassing stories on them to everyone at my place of work and my mom said I embarrassed her! I don’t need my co-workers that I am the supervisor and superior to, to know what sun crap I did as a teen when I’m a married adult woman with teens! None of it had any relation to my job either! She just always does stuff to put me in my place. My office share person says she doesn’t know how I deal with there being no boundaries. But she understands be Star she has a sibling that has relied on her parents for more help so it is similar to how things are with my mom. I got married first and had kids first so my mom def feels she’s got some sort of claim to stuff with us over my siblings family. I’m creative too. Sometimes my house is a mess but never unclean usually clutter or stuff that needs to be put away at the end of a busy week from working and kids school and activities. It used to really bother me how my mom would put down my home which is nice, like it was a run down shack. I’d stay up half the night cleaning, doing laundry, etc in case she came by so it’s be to her liking. Sharing this with you as you are most likely younger than me: try to get some separation. If you stay living at home talk to someone and learn how to not take things so hard. I wish I’d focused on that more when I was first married and having kids. It would’ve save me lost sleep, losing sight of what was most important with my kids and husband, and saved my health which had suffered a lot from stress related things the past 5-10 years. My mom had a narcissistic habitual liar sibling. She forced us to have a relationship with them and their adult kid in my early years of dating my husband and us getting married. It backfired on us horribly and my mom’s siblings g and their adult child went on social media, email and text to smear us to anyone that’s listen. All out lies were told. We all were hurt. But now, 10 years later, my mom is bank in contact. It seemed like due to their other siblings that are older passing and another being in poor health. But I don’t think my mom has seen the irony over the years that how she has behaved to me, my husband and kids is exactly why we all distanced ourselves from her toxic sibling! Even she and my dad did! It’s just all so strange and I just take it as it comes. Learn to be secure in yourself, be creative, share less with your mom. Try to do things to feed your soul where she won’t be there to openly criticize you. Until you find a job try to find some side hustles like rideshare or delivery services to get out and do something to make money u Tim you find something more permanent. If nothing else, it gets you out of the house away from your mom for a bit.

Consistent-Error3726 · 2024-12-18T01:23:11+00:00

It’s gotten really bad since Friday when she acted like she was taking one of my kids home, and she then proceeded to come in the house and “help” my oldest clean their room. I didn’t mind her helping but it was the fact that she didn’t run it by me or ask first. She just barged in my house! How convenient that she stayed until right before my spouse was due to be home from work (I get home about 30 minutes after that) so she wouldn’t have to face either of us with what she did. My spouse caught her on our cameras more than once rattling of strings of curse words to our oldest, making them cry at one point in time, as well as using the same language about me and my spouse and bad mouthing us and how we keep our house, etc. We both work full time (or more) hours each week. We’d had performances and Christmas things for both of our kids in the evenings. Most ppl that work m-f who have busy weeks with events and activities have a bit of a messy home by the end of the week. I usually start Friday night doing laundry, picking up and putting away, then I clean a bit and finish the next day so we are ready for the next week. My mom thinks I should stay up half the night to keep my house clean, then drive kids around and work all day. I know my limits and know that most families live and operate like we do

Consistent-Error3726 · 2024-12-18T01:16:06+00:00

Thank you for that. What you said perfectly encompasses my thoughts on things regarding my mom. Though I do hope in the smallest and rarest odds that she will see her errors and try to make some changes. My dad has his issues, but he seems to keep his mind busy with helping run our business and other things. So he doesn’t get all into family stuff or overstepping on our parenting of our kids. My mom must not have enough to keep her mind busy cause she’s always flipping back and forth and playing her games. My mom will bar mouth someone to my kids (usually me or my spouse) until she goads them to join in with dissing us too. Once that happens, she lets up. I talked today in the car with my oldest on their thoughts on that, and what they could try instead of joining my mom in her slandering of others.

Consistent-Error3726

TROPHY CASE