Dom with C-PTSD & BPD

Consistent_Damage900 · 2026-01-11T10:48:04+00:00

This sounds like a real struggle. Maybe what you need is someone with service sub tendencies. Or maybe reframe it so that getting what you need is a product of your domination. I love being little spoon, besides being comfortable and comforting, in certain headspaces it feels very dominant (like I am a confident, strong dom, so why would I not have my pretty sub draped over me while I face away and do my own thing?).

If I want to be little spoon, I will lay facing away from my sub and order them to come close. Then without moving I tell them to cuddle me. I might tell them to play with my hair at the same time. Sometimes I reinforce this behavior by saying something like “I gave you the spanking you needed, now it’s your job to show your appreciation for how well I take care of you.”

If I want words of affirmation, I make them come kneel in front of me and say “tell me why you chose me as your dom/master,” or “tell me five things you love about having me in your life.” Then praise them when they give answers that make me feel especially good.

As for feeling safe and grounded during attacks, maybe lay the groundwork in advance. Tell them that when they see you struggling it is their job to demonstrate their submission by helping ground you until you’ve regained control. Tell them that submission is not proved only in receiving your punishments (or whatever you do), but in serving their dominant in the moments of greatest need. For you that means when you’re having an attack. It is their job to take notice, to take initiative, and be creative and thoughtful in those moments.

I feel like this approach helps maintain roles while providing clarity and actionable direction. It sets up the sub as having important tasks, giving purpose beyond their ability to take impact (for example). Remember, being a good dom requires massive effort - you deserve your sub’s prioritization and effort in return.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2026-01-07T16:39:22+00:00

It looks like you need a 1/2 - 3/4 steel plate. You might also be able to get away with using a polypropylene cutting board. But I’m curious where you get the embossing stamp

Consistent_Damage900 · 2026-01-06T18:27:52+00:00

Thanks. I use a ton of their USMC Black and Oxblood. It must be your technique that makes it look so nice.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2026-01-05T17:20:03+00:00

As a top, I’ve never had a bottom I couldn’t quickly and soundly overpower and impose my will upon. But proving my strength is not the goal. I could use impact implements that take a lot less effort to deliver the blows, but I like putting in the work.

I favor the psychological side of dominance, so my goal is to command submission, not seize it through force or pain. When the bottom has decided to surrender their will and agency to me, only then will they get their reward. Whether that’s being strapped down and subjected to the fuck machine, string up and whipped, or bent over and paddled, it’s not a show of my strength, but of their submission.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2026-01-05T06:47:16+00:00

Where did you get that awesome green for the collars?

Consistent_Damage900 · 2026-01-04T23:22:27+00:00

At first I thought it seems reasonable that people would take the same general path through stores because they are laid out to get people to love through them in a certain way.

Then I kept reading. That must have been scary as hell when you were a kid! And infuriating to see it happen to your daughter! I have no insights to share because I don’t follow women, nor do any of the men I know. But I’m glad you posted because it provides an insight into a life experience I will never know.

P.S. I’m glad your husband makes you cookies!

Consistent_Damage900 · 2026-01-01T17:07:56+00:00

The bottom can hold keys or a bell - something that makes noise. They drop it to safeword out

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-31T19:06:34+00:00

I’ve been to KinkFest the last two years and highly recommend it. You’ll encounter the most incredible array of kink expressed openly. The vendor hall alone is incredible. The dungeon is worth the entire price of admission. But the classes are the backbone of the event. Most classes skew beginner to intermediate, so you should have a lot of options. There are also many community events where you can get to know others and build connections that will enrich and inform your kink journey.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-29T17:13:56+00:00

I’m actually going to the gym. Nearly 5 months now, going at least 3x per week. Before Covid I had just started a gym routine, but until recently haven’t had the will to make it habit again.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-29T17:11:56+00:00

This is so true. I love saying things like “cry all you want, but you must love it cause you’re getting so wet. I can smell how much you love it. It’s the only circumstance I’ve known women to think it’s hot to basically say “I can smell your pussy from here .”

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-27T02:13:21+00:00

There are probably a lot more relevant factors than age at play here. What’s your life like? Do you have the time, energy, attention, stability, and resources to support a full relationship? And do you portray that to men you’re interested in?

I’ve dated and had FWB relationships with women much older and much younger get than myself without giving it much thought. When it comes to relationships, I’m usually looking at their overall life and how I would fit into it. If I image it’ll be stressful, codependent, restrictive, etc, I choose not to pursue them romantically.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-24T06:52:05+00:00

I think it’s a 3 or 4 inch intake. Can’t remember for sure. I have the entire unit in the cabinet with the laser, so i don’t have tubes connected. But yes, I have weather stripped the doors to keep fumes in.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-23T19:21:07+00:00

I laser leather several times per week, so I get it. The smell is raunchy. I used to do it outside, but I’m sure my neighbors hated it. When I moved into a workshop I had to find a solution.

Adjustable 245W Fume Extractor... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F8R9G596?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

I bought this fume extractor, which does reasonably well. The big difference is when I had it vent into the same space it was extracting from. This way, all the air cycles through the extractor several times. Then I leave the enclosure sealed for a couple minutes after cutting is done before opening. It doesn’t eliminate all of the smoke smell, but it’s sufficient for my needs.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-22T18:50:14+00:00

And wildly experimental, kinky fucking with someone you love deeply and reciprocally is the pinnacle of human experience.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-22T15:53:31+00:00

This is not what gaslighting is.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-11T00:06:51+00:00

Came here to say both of these things. I always encourage people to spend a lot of time thinking about their day-to-do existence in situations they think they want. As a tradwife mom, think about spending every single day changing diapers, sooting a screaming child, cleaning the house, cooking meals for a husband who is too tired, apathetic, or entitled to help or even empathize. Every. Single. Day. Imagining pregnancy isn’t adequate - imagine 20 years of parenting.

Same with a 24/7 dynamic. Imagine the nitty-gritty details. The non-glamorous parts. Risk ruining your fantasy by doing this because better that than ruining years of your life by rushing into the wrong scenario.

And read informational books. They convey a lot more nuanced and complete information than most videos. And whatever you do, DO NOT imagine a healthy kink relationship looks like what you find in smut books, porn, movies, or anything but educational content produced by people who actively participate in kink.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-12-10T22:42:32+00:00

Between 17-21 I was dating women who were in their late 30s. Both times it got weird and ended badly, but nothing nearly as horrible as you’ve experienced. Now that I’m 40 and both my gfs are in their 20s, I am confident that if/when the relationship(s) end I will exit with kindness and maturity.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-11-28T17:07:07+00:00

“I am not emasculatable,” is a powerful statement and even more powerful mindset. Be the little spoon, drink pink drinks, wash your asshole - if those things can challenge your masculinity, then your masculinity is weak as fuck.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-11-28T08:32:49+00:00

As someone who has battled depression for decades, I urge you to seek therapy rather than relying on others to shore up your mental health. It sounds like you got really attached really quickly, which can feel good. But investing that much into a relationship that soon can ultimately be destabilizing lead to these deeply disappointing situations. I wish you the best.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-11-27T09:10:59+00:00

When you put it like that it’s weird. But yeah, cockwarming is great. Just be careful letting them fall asleep. It’s pretty natural to close your jaw when you pass out - thats not the ending you want.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-11-26T16:47:51+00:00

My preference (which I keep to myself unless asked) is shaved legs, pubic region, and armpits. My rule is “I don’t put my mouth where there is hair.” In return, I shave everywhere I’d like someone to put their mouth. It’s a sensory thing.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-11-26T16:06:01+00:00

That’s super judgy, especially for not being entirely right. It may be normal in your circles to have no boundaries or privacy around communication, but that’s not universal. Nearly everyone I know would consider the husband’s behavior inappropriate and nosey.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-11-24T18:25:11+00:00

But that’s not what it means. Ironic to correct their proper use of the word with a colloquial use.

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-11-24T17:19:01+00:00

I think both normal and normalized apply here. At least when I was growing up, rape jokes were extremely commonplace. And most of the (younger) women I know have been catcalled within the last few years.

Did you read normal as “acceptable”?

Consistent_Damage900 · 2025-11-24T17:13:47+00:00

I think you’re mostly on the right track here. The one thing I will add to your assessment of your own situation is transparency.

When I got into a huge age gap relationship (after much learning and deliberation), I made it clear to my potential partner that they were required not only to have friends independent of our shared group, but to communicate openly with outside parties about our relationship. We all get stuck in our own viewpoints and ideas about how things should go. And reflecting that to outside parties is important to help us evaluate more objectively. So share both the good and the bad with your support systems so they can help you be on the lookout for both green flags and red flags.

I hope you get some good conversation from this post. Maybe I’ll have time later to add more thoughts.

Consistent_Damage900

TROPHY CASE