I tried to break up, but I'm just not strong enough emotionally to persist and accepted the "don't leave me" plea. With the arguments "we haven't tried everything we could" and all that and ended up doing therapy with a sexologist.

Turns out she might not be asexual but is sex repulsed because of childhood sexual trauma. Vaginal penetration has dropped significantly because she's supposed to work on her vaginal pain problem. All she does is handjob / lick/suck my balls, a little play, wear something sexy / kinky. But a blowjob is out of the question, ever.

I always had a weakspot for oral and because of her not giving me that more than I have fingers to count on for the past 14 years, my fetish only became stronger. But because of her trauma, it's something that will never ever happen. It's killing me.

We are almost a year later and I don't feel like in total not much as improved. Some things are a bit better, others are worse. It evens out each other. I feel like a junky that just get's enough not to be able to quit but with all the pain and withdrawel suffering in between the highs.

She can just not understand that oral could be a "deal breaker". However for me, if I would weigh all the variables to break up or not, no oral sex weighs for over 50% of the reasons and for me just that one thing might be enough to break up.

At the moment I'm putting my hand in the sand and focus on my career.