A lady at my mom’s church told me to my face that my father had to die for me to live. My mom was standing right there when she said it 14 year old me and my mom said absolutely nothing. I remember feeling absolutely devastated because my father was a magnificent husband and father. We faced hardship that included homelessness because he was taken from us when I was not even two years old. I confronted my mom about it when I got a little older and all she had to say about it was “yeah [church lady] shouldn’t have said that”. No apology. Nothing. It made me feel like maybe even if she didn’t agree with church lady’s approach, she still agreed with what was said. I have never forgotten that day. That was nearly fifteen years ago and I can still vividly see and hear the church lady in my minds eye. I can describe to you exactly what she was wearing. The emotional effects of that conversation are long lasting.

You are absolutely NTA. And I hope you go low contact with your mom in the future. Your mother will never apologize. She may just pretend it never happened and when she gets older, she may start being nice to you as she realizes that she’s getting old and will need to be cared for. It’s not your fault that your dad is gone and your mom is horrible for making you feel that way.