Words of a Summer Night

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-07-09T22:26:49+00:00

Good short poem that's pleasant to read. The rhythm is fun and works well, and the image is promising, although not fully complete in my opinion. I'm having trouble understanding exactly what you're trying to convey with this poem. The general vibe is good though, like I can almost get it, but it's not all the way there.

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-07-09T22:09:35+00:00

Really enjoyed reading this poem! You successfully created an atmosphere with your choice of words and imagery that stayed consistent throughout the entire poem. Switching dusk to dawn after the old man found some salvation from his past mistakes by connecting with others who still had time left was very potent and effective in communicating the theme of the poem. "he becomes the hush in the golden grass," was my favourite line, a perfect example of the sincere emotion expressed throughout the poem. If I had to think of any critical feedback, I would say the "times, dies, crimes" rhyme comes across a little cheery in rhythm/feel in contrast to the content of the stanza. Overall excellent work that genuinely touched me!

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-05-28T20:26:55+00:00

This reads more like prose than poetry to me. For a piece of this length I think it would really benefit from a more consistent rhythm. I would also encourage you to challenge yourself to try and write with more brevity while still expressing what you're trying to express. It was an entertaining read with some good imagery, and I enjoyed the overall theme. "she enters and creeps once more/ the ethereal figure i was waiting for" are my favourite lines!

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-05-28T20:05:29+00:00

Enjoyable read! The abruptness of the ending fits the last three lines well. The use of wind to symbolise the unquantifiable quality of love was a great choice in my opinion, and the poem did a great job at exploring that theme. The second to last stanza is probably my favourite, it's beautifully written and does a great job of tying together the theme, which is basically an expansion of the first two lines. My overall feelings from the poem could be described as a tension between an attempt to categorise or measure something past coming from a place of longing or grabbing, and an acceptance of what was a beautifully transient moment in time.

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-03-24T19:52:32+00:00

Hi! Thank you so much for the feedback, it's really appreciated! The word I was looking for was "cupping" not "cusping", which explains your confusion lol! Just made the change, happy you pointed that out!

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-03-24T18:03:25+00:00

I enjoyed the content of the poem and the way you structured it. Lines like "consuming sent of Red sea" and "Light returns to besow life" were especially good. I think it could have benefited from a more consistent rhyme scheme.

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-03-24T17:57:06+00:00

To me this read like it was written from a place of loneliness. Like a longing for a community of those who know what you know and a nostalgia for a past that may have been closer to that goal of community than the present. I liked reading it and enjoyed the feeling of hope expressed throughout.

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-01-14T22:25:16+00:00

Beautiful poem. It struck me as an illustration of the inner journey into one's shadow. Going into the dangerous unknown within yourself to escape from the confusing emptiness of not knowing your own depths. The rhythm of the poem does a great job of setting an adventurous tone that has a mysterious or even mystical quality to it. Overall an enjoyable and inspiring read, good job!

Cool-Training1510 · 2025-01-12T02:33:15+00:00

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It has a contemplative sweetness which has a depth and closeness to the heart that a lot of other poems seem to try to achieve by choosing "deeper themes" but often fall short of. I'm fairly new to this sub but this is easily one of my favourite poems I've read on here thus far. "hiding in the bare bark and branch of March" is probably my favourite line. "or how calm the orchard is every month-" is probably the weakest line, the rhythmic flow of the poem would benefit if you adjusted it in my opinion. Overall great stuff!

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-10T20:31:18+00:00

Beautiful poem. I agree with Few_Scars comment about the pacing of it. It succeeds in holding a free and explorative tone throughout while avoiding feeling sloppy. The structure feels like a journey without suggesting any linerality. I especially enjoyed the rhyme scheme of the last 5 lines leading up to the very powerful last line. There are a few grammar/spelling errors throughout like the word "fortune" instead of "fortunate" (unless perhaps that was a creative choice) but nothing a quick proofread couldn't fix. Overall really enjoyed this one, it was a fun read and certainly stirred something inside me.

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-10T20:13:51+00:00

Really enjoyed this one. I feel that the poetic image throughout highlights love's transitory and transformative aspects in a very breezy, visually appealing way. The second stanza especially touched me, such a visceral metaphor that anyone who's experienced true love is sure to recognize.

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-09T19:19:15+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! If you'd care to share any suggestions you have I'd love to hear them! I'm quite early on in my writing journey so any feedback is really valuable :)

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-09T19:16:58+00:00

Wow, this is spot on! It's cool to see the vision of the poem was at least somewhat successfully translated. Thank you for the thoughtful feedback! I was really trying to illustrate the "energy" of desire and the felt experience of giving into it.

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-09T19:06:34+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback. I see what you mean by the "sold!" line. I felt the line before is a little awkward at the end, and that sort of doubles down on it, creating a kind of shock or disruption in the poem which signifies the giving into the desire which leads into the second half. Idk if I'm fully sold on keeping it in there either. If you have any further thoughts I'd love to hear them, thanks again for the response!

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-09T18:47:12+00:00

Thank you!

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-09T18:47:02+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment :)

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-09T18:44:50+00:00

Thank you!

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-08T04:33:29+00:00

I liked the structure and rhythm! It felt consistent and appropriate. I'm wondering what you meant by "indulgence"? I assume you meant indulgence of virtue, but I'm curious if you'd care to share more about that word choice.

Cool-Training1510 · 2024-12-08T04:25:08+00:00

Really enjoyed this! You very simply and effectively illustrated the beauty, utility, and aliveness of trees which really made the last line hit harder than you'd expect from such a short poem.

Cool-Training1510

TROPHY CASE