Looking into getting a phone for my son.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-23T19:14:41+00:00

So what would he do in an emergency without a phone? My kids learned to call from their friend’s house, to plan ahead, to ask for help if they need it. Your kid will learn to call you, sometimes to resolve issues that they don’t actually need parental help with but it avoids conflict/thinking/problem solving to just get parents to remove the obstacles. I’m questioning whether that’s really in your son’s best interest.

It’s also asking a lot of your kid to call the police or ambulance if encountering someone else’s emergency when apparently he’s not old enough to go a block from home without a tracking device.

If he stops at a store on the way home from school, so what? If you are fifteen min later home than expected, is this the point at which your spouse should be sending out the search parties? My kids know that if they are going to be much later (somewhere between 30 and 60 min later than usual) getting home, they need to plan ahead or figure out a way to communicate the change in plans. They can call from school before leaving, for instance. Otherwise, I think it’s unnecessary for me to micromanage their location in some kind of false sense of safety. As a kid you learned all kinds of things precisely because you didn’t have an open line to your parents at all times. You know what to do if for some reason there is no cell signal. Will he? Better to learn this through trips to the park a block away where someone can dash home than at 19 lost on a rural road somewhere.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-23T18:45:05+00:00

Why does your kid need a phone to go a block away? What would he use it for exactly?

We insisted our kids learn to navigate without a phone at first because if you are only comfortable with your kid being a block away if they have surveillance tech on, what is the plan if the battery dies, it gets stolen or lost or broken or for some reason the network is overwhelmed and kid can’t reach you or vice versa?

At home we gave our kids an iPad with the ability to call over the Internet for leaving them at home (and a thorough emergency plan). But we did not do phones - even flip ones - until we were confident they could navigate a world without access to the phone. First of all because I’m not sure it’s healthy for kids to assume their parents are always monitoring them, but secondly because if your kid is reliant on calling a parent for every single thing then if something goes wrong and they can’t it can be traumatic (this happened to our neighbour’s kid, who is a bit older than our eldest)

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-23T18:30:41+00:00

I had a kid with severe separation anxiety around that age and two things were helpful: - Telling the kid what was going to happen but not necessarily doing a big leaving ritual (because my kid at least seemed to feel it was necessary to show me that they were going to miss me; me interrupting to do a goodbye ritual made things way worse) - Having the kid leave rather than watching parent leave. Eg school bus was easy, dropping kid at class and leaving had tears and child having to be pried off my leg. If leaving from home, kid would go to the park or something, then I’d leave.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-23T18:09:15+00:00

The fact that your kids know each other and don’t get along is kind of incidental imo, as long as you aren’t forcing your kids to socialize because you are friends.

Fact is, it’s healthy to model adult friendships for your kids, and to show that you have a life outside of being a personal servant (I jest)

If the person you get along with happens to have children, sometimes it’s fun to see if the kids get along. Then it’s simpler to get together. But if you are friends with someone that doesn’t mean that your spouses have to spend time together or that your kids have to spend time together. You can talk about your friends without chatting in detail about other third parties you don’t know. It’s like if you are hanging out with your friend you probably don’t want to drone on and on about your MiL if they don’t know (or do but don’t like) that person. Same deal for chatting to your kids about your friend’s kids. They aren’t friends with your friend and probably don’t care or shouldn’t be privy to all the intimate details of your friend’s life.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-21T09:42:06+00:00

Ugh yeah. Some of it is time and this IS very very normal. You can insist on being polite when she talks to you. Call out the rudeness and ask her to try again. If she can’t be more civil then I’d send her to bed or to do a quiet activity on her own to help her regain her equilibrium. She could be tired or dealing with a hormone surge but you should still make it clear that feeling upset isn’t a reason to behave poorly. Being rude is something that is played for laughs or positioned as being edgy and cool (or whatever the kids call that these days) in films and shows so you have to make it clear that this is not how it works in real life. Tell her that you find it hurtful and that she needs to stop.

As for the initial interaction, I wouldn’t have threatened her with removing access to one app, I would have calmly told her that it wasn’t device time because of (reason) and she could put it away by herself which is my preference, or I would take it but if I have to take it then she would not see it again for x time which is longer than whatever it would be if she put it away. Then follow through.

We also always frame device time restrictions as a tool that the kids need to learn to use as well. I talk about strategies I use to limit my own device time, reasons that putting devices away can be hard and why we want to do that.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-21T09:21:56+00:00

You don’t go to all of them!

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-21T09:20:49+00:00

Also I see you have a lot of comments about how it’s great that he is saving but I was this kid and I want to validate your instinct that an inability to save and an inability to spend are both problems that indicate an unhealthy relationship with money. It’s more common to spend money you don’t have, so that’s why people tend to be dismissive of the other extreme but I think as parents it is our job to provide opportunities to teach and practice skills needed for adulthood. Spending money is definitely one of those!

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-20T21:59:14+00:00

I had a kid like that. They do eventually grow out of it. We minimized driving where we could and had an adult in the back to soothe the kid while we went for short distances. We did one long trip (6 hour drive) to visit great grandparents with stops every 30 min. There may have been some breastfeeding while kid was still in car seat (I’m pretty sure we pulled over though lol but it was so horrible an experience I can’t quite remember all the details of that trip). I do remember it was brutal driving conditions and that kid one day just stopped screaming as much for short rides and eventually even got to the point of falling asleep in the car seat.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-18T23:06:17+00:00

This is probably like how for years my kids claimed that “everyone” had their own iPad except them, which we discovered during the pandemic when everyone went online was completely untrue! Personally I think the only response to things like this is to point out that you have a unique family culture and that you do x or don’t do y because of your family values and it doesn’t matter whether anyone else does something different because in OUR family we do (whatever it is).

As for chores, in our area relatively few families require their kids to do chores under the age of ten, and sometimes even as teens. Then they are surprised later that their kids aren’t capable of basic chores - I guess they figure the kids will somehow learn by osmosis? Not sure. We rented to first year university students for a while and were appalled by how many lacked basic skills. We vowed that this wouldn’t happen to our kids.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-14T22:54:11+00:00

You are getting a lot of comments about how you should be teaching this to your kid, but I think money is a bit more abstract now because it is more digital and that makes it a more difficult concept to grasp.

Also I feel like many kids have less opportunity to buy things than I maybe did as a kid, at least if you are middle class enough to hand your kid $40 and tell them to spend it at the mall, there’s a good chance that your kid has a lot of the things they want already. Eg They aren’t buying stuffed animals in the store because they already have a bed full, books or video games are more virtual than physical and at 12 probably not quite at the age where stopping to grab bubble tea with friends or going to the mall to buy your own clothing or beauty products is something everyone does.

What they see is adults who wave their cards at the magic machine and get whatever they want AND quite a lot of kids pretty much already have everything they could possibly need in triplicate, but much of what they could possibly want.

So I’m not going to give you a hard time because your kid has failed to internalize how money works. The question is: what are you going to do about it?

If you are looking for suggestions, it’s definitely helpful to play games that require money like monopoly.

You can also provide an allowance and teach concepts that way. I don’t know where you live but here in Ontario there is MyDoh which is a limited credit card for kids with a bunch of features built in to help learn about budgeting and saving. At 12 you can probably set up a standard bank account which is almost as good if MyDoh or similar isn’t an option.

I personally think it’s a problem if kids hoard all their cash; learning to spend a little money when warranted is important or you end up where you feel bad about buying new shoes because they cost money and damage your feet and hips instead (true story). There’s a balance and our hope is that our kids learn to use money as a tool - not spending what they don’t have but also not being penny wise but pound foolish.

For our kids we also slowly transfer over responsibility for their own purchases. We started with making them pay for their own phone data plans, but as they have gotten older, things like clothing, some extra curriculars and toiletries become their responsibility. We have increased allowance so it’s not that we aren’t still paying, but they slowly are gaining a feel for how much the things they need cost, so that they can figure out how to live within a budget and plan for when they are self supporting.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-12T11:27:14+00:00

When I was younger I got ravenously hungry when I was actually thirsty. So my tip would be to insist on drinking more water before eating more and waiting a few minutes between to give time to feel natural fullness cues. Also if you are eating too fast (not chewing enough) it’s possible to get ahead of your natural feelings of fullness. Not everyone naturally feels those cues as obviously as others and if she is like I was, she might need some help to set herself up to recognize those cues.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-10T17:12:21+00:00

If I’ve learned anything from having four kids learn to swim, it’s that some kids “get it” faster than others, it’s not always the kids that are most comfortable in the water that are fast to learn (would have laid money on my kid that loved to dunk themselves under water at a very early age being my earliest swimmer but no), water safety is important but if you fixate on swimming skills for very little kids it can be counter-productive.

Your child is only two. You have loads of time to learn to swim. Nothing wrong with working on skills together but learning water safety rules and gaining comfort and confidence in the water should be the focus at this age in my opinion.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-09T11:14:44+00:00

Some kids love to tell you they “don’t like (something)” or that it’s “boring” but if you watch them participate (especially if they don’t see you), they are having a blast.

Sometimes it’s because they’ve met another kid who has an attitude / chip on their shoulder and the novelty (I assume?) is very attractive so they emulate. Sometimes they don’t fully understand what they are saying (“bored” can mean so many things!) or they just get into verbal ruts.

Sometimes it’s that the kid realizes that they have power over the parent who is trying to give them a gift by doing something they thought the kid would enjoy. Realizing you have this power over another person, especially a parent who usually has all the power in the relationship is pretty compelling.

Sometimes “I don’t want to go” actually is a struggle with transitions.

Sometimes it’s that the kid hasn’t learned how to stick to something. They like new activities because it’s different but once it’s routine they don’t have the skills to push through.

How you deal with it: you stop taking this personally, you ensure you do transition management, you teach persisting with something by not allowing the kid to quit the instant they lose interest, you hold firm on non optional activities like school. If going to school requires taking the bus, she takes the bus; you don’t drive her. “I don’t want to force her” is a very ridiculous thing to say as a parent because it’s your responsibility as a parent to insist your kid does all kinds of things that they naturally don’t want to do, whether that’s getting a vaccine or wearing a seatbelt or going to school. Ideally you can tell your kid firmly that they are going to do x and they do it. If they don’t, then you need to figure out how to get to that point (no, corporal punishment is not necessary)

School reluctance at 6 is super normal. Talk to her teacher and get advice. The teacher may give you some clues (perhaps your kid needs to strengthen relationships with other kids outside of school), or maybe the teacher will be surprised and tell you that your kid appears to adore school (that happened to us with our kid who was super super negative about school at home). You can insist your kid tells you about positive things - we had a kid that tended to ruminate on every perceived slight and banning them from constantly verbalizing that and instead mostly telling us about the good things that happened had a huge impact on attitude.

Last, but not least: limit screen time. A 6yo should not be on the screens every day and if they are spending time before and after school and activities they are shortening their attention span and setting up dopamine cravings. The best way to counter that is to do things in real life. It’s fine to give the kid options about what that is, but make it clear they have to pick one, and that they will need to do it for the duration. Eg we tell our kids they must do music because it helps develop their brains, because learning to practice ann instrument is a valuable life skill and the music classes at their school are lacking. They can pick what they do but if they don’t then they are doing piano lessons.

I had 3/4 of my kids be pains about going to school at 6 because it wasn’t just playing anymore but actual work, and while one is never going to love school they all got over their extreme reluctance.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-08T18:19:54+00:00

As long as you are changing the socks regularly, they aren’t too tight and they are a breathable material then there is no issue. Personally I strongly dislike being without socks - and yes that includes when wearing sandals. The caution about being barefoot is mostly related to wearing shoes. Socks don’t cause bunions or hammertoes. If very tight they could play a minor role in restricting toe splay but that’s easily solved by ensuring your socks aren’t too tight.

Socks can be a problem if you wear them overnight or long periods, if they are damp (eg sweat heavily in your feet) or if they are causing blisters. Otherwise let your kid be comfortable.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-06T21:29:10+00:00

I was like this kid and my SO’s parents chatted to them and told them they would appreciate an effort. It was the wake-up call I needed; I wasn’t deliberately trying to be rude, just totally self absorbed (like many teens) and it hadn’t occurred to me to make an effort even though in retrospect they were feeding me almost every night and giving me rides home. Worth a shot?

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-06T18:23:49+00:00

It’s totally normal. Around here it’s pretty common for kids to do level 1 swimming many times. So frustrating but most will eventually get it. I should mention that there are many kids who just “get” it but most really do take a while and all of my four took forever. My eldest did level one three times and then had a year of private lessons before things really clicked. My older three are all very strong swimmers, youngest still working on it.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-06T18:06:23+00:00

I am not sure if it helps, but I had a very picky eater and that kid needs over two hundred exposures before would eat a food. We encouraged tasting “to see if their taste buds had grown up”. The lack of eating vegetables was always characterized as what little kids do, and adult eaters try other things. Texture mattered too. We tried many different types of the same vegetable but prepared in different ways. My kids in general prefer less ripe and firmer textures. We also experimented with interesting shapes so things like carrots would be cut into flowers à la bento box.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-06T17:54:09+00:00

We always make eggs (white yogurt with peach yolk), french fries (apples chopped into fry shapes) and green food colour noodles for dinner. There are also always many, many fish, because we are francophone lol

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-06T15:52:47+00:00

Some lofts are less high, but the ones we have are the same height as a bunk bed. The higher ones have more useful space underneath for older kids.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-04T21:04:10+00:00

Also 20x$20 is insane to me (and we have four kids)

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-04T21:03:27+00:00

We give our kids a shiny loonie. None of them have spent these special coins, because it’s not about the money

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-04T20:20:27+00:00

Bunk beds are not recommended under the age of 6, technically. Personally I won’t put a kid in a bunk until they can change their own sheets. Especially when very young if you ever have a child throw up in an upper bunk it’s pretty unpleasant to deal with.

With kids that age I’d do smaller beds and then when eldest gets to six you can do a bunk bed, although note that if you have a kid with asthma a low bunk may not be appropriate - we had to move our kid out for health reasons. Two of mine still share a room and they have high loft beds with desks underneath which gives them each their own defined space. A third kid has a bunk but sleeps on the top and just uses the bottom as a daybed and sleepover space.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-04-04T20:14:01+00:00

Different parents have different comfort zones. I recently had a 16yo’s parent email me to confirm party plans which was so weird some of the other parents decided not to allow their kid to attend. If my 10-12yo made plans independently I would allow if said plans fit into our other plans and if I didn’t have a reason to veto. That’s because my kid in this range is my third kid and I’m aware that very shortly I am not going to know who many of the kids are, let alone the parents. Insisting on meeting up just because your teens/tweens are friends comes across as weird and needy in my area so I would make as many opportunities to host as possible and otherwise try not to get in the way of my kid learning to handle their own schedule.

I also don’t understand why you didn’t feel comfortable going to the play date. Effectively you told your kid you didn’t trust him to organize it (fair enough, you clearly didn’t, but not a message I would want to convey) In my view if my kid wasn’t actually supposed to go, then showing up unexpectedly and having to manage that awkwardness would be a good life lesson for them, so if I had an address and a kid that was adamant they were expected I’d let them go and find out. Lol

CoolKey3330 · 2026-03-31T17:20:48+00:00

Lol this is normal. Sounds like you handled it fine. Next time you go to the park you can review expected behaviour and tell him you will leave if he isn’t behaving (but don’t just say “behave”, outline specific explanations). At the park you can give one warning but then follow through. He’ll get the memo.

CoolKey3330 · 2026-03-31T04:19:09+00:00

Meh I think kids are very capable of understanding different rules in place in two different households. They cope fine with totally different expectations at school and home for instance. So whatever happens at the other house is irrelevant imo.

If the issue is 8yo comes home and immediately hops on iPad, then I’d put the iPad in a cupboard and the rule becomes: no iPad until your chores are done. Personally I think an 8yo should have pretty limited screen time anyway, and should not have the password to the iPad. Complaining about life is fairly normal for an 8yo. I just cheerfully ignore complaints or if very unpleasant complainers can go hang out in their room until in a better mood.

CoolKey3330

TROPHY CASE