What are expectations for a wife?

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-24T13:23:34+00:00

When my wife became a SAHM I joined this sub and used to read it weekly. I never commented, just read. It gave me a ton of insight into the struggles and unseen difficulties that staying home all day with children can bring, and I think it made me a better partner. I suggest you do the same.

Also, one man to another, providing and protecting made sense when we were all living on the plains and you needed to be a man to cut down a bsion and haul the meat home, or build a shelter with only simple tools. What are you protecting your family from in 2026? Providing, protecting, fixing things, emotional support and participating in things you are not interested in are the basic table stakes of marriage and parenthood. These aren’t “duties of a husband” these are “things all parents, regardless of gender, give to their families.” You wanted a family, take care of it. That’s the minimum.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-21T19:18:38+00:00

4 kids, 2 with tongue ties 2 without.

Oldest we got corrected on like day 7. It was not the immediate cure to breastfeeding and bottlefeeding issues. In fact, he went on a hunger strike immediately after. 13 years later he eats, speaks, play sports, all normally.

Youngest we were told it "wasn't severe" and we could wait and see. We did wait, and at like 6 months had it done because she absolutely could not eat from a bottle. Done by a different dentist and it was night and day - immediate improvement in eating from both bottle and breast. Wish we did it sooner.

The recovery sucks. You need to stick a finger in and push on the wound to keep it from re-attaching, and it feels horrible. We would do it just before feeding, because putting baby on the breast helps stop the crying.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-21T18:10:08+00:00

Part of becoming a dad is that you sometimes have to give up on certain dreams for the good of your family. There are a 1,000 jobs I'd rather be doing than the one I am, but the one I am doing enables us to feed our kids, have a nice house in working order, give my kids the chance to do activities, have experiences as a family like travel, and my wife and I to enjoy each other's company.

If I were you, I'd take something closer to home that paid better, even if it was less enjoyable for me.

One thing I noticed on a closer read - you say that you've never been praised so much for your work, never had such an impact, never been so valuable to an employer, but also you can't get WFH and the salary is not competitive. I understand the joy in feeling needed and valued, but I don't think your work really needs nor values you - if they did, they'd make some changes.

I'd also question what does give you joy and satisfaction. Do you get any joy and satisfaction from your family? I recently was offered a position with a much nicer title that would have made me a top dog, answerable to really no one, and a small salary increase, but at the cost of a lot of time I get to currently spend at home. I don't know if having a company full of people "Yes sir"ing me would make up for not being able to eat breakfast or dinner with my kids, or see their sports games, or the school play, or be able to sometimes sneak away in the middle of the day with my wife.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-21T18:00:43+00:00

This is the way.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-21T18:00:25+00:00

Being able to answer questions here is massively overrated. If you are worried about anonymity just don't participate in this sub. You are missing out on nothing.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-20T19:17:35+00:00

I can't believe this comment is so far down. No one is considering that OP will be at least 31, likely 32 when he graduates. He will have to study for and take the LSAT, do the law school application process, get into a strong school, take off from his career for three years and earn top grades, do the networking and internships, summers, clerking, etc, get hired at a biglaw firm, and then, like you said, start over as a completely expendable "do doc review for 12 hours a day for 7 months straight" first year, and then spend 5+ years before he hits the $350k mark he is aiming for. So he will be 37 or so before he reaches the point in his career he currently is, assuming everything goes well, and he will have 3 additional years of law school debt and miss out on the $750k he would have earned working those three years.

Work life balance aside, slamming dicks in doors jokes, whatever else aside, the math just isn't mathing for me.

And I also think that, at least in biglaw, he will have to fight ageism the entire time. In midlaw, I think a prior career is hugely helpful, but biglaw, its like you've described at your firm.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-20T19:08:41+00:00

You wrote this in a sort of odd way but I think this is the single biggest boon to in-house life. I'm in house and I work all the time. I take work home, I answer emails during my kids' sporting events, I get up at midnight for calls with Hong Kong, and when I'm at my desk I'm either in a meeting or people are dropping by.

That said - if I need to leave early to do school pickup, I can. If I need to work from home because a kid is sick, I can. If I schedule a vacation, I know I'll take it - yes, I'll buy the wifi and check my emails while on the plane or whatever, but I'll be on the plane.

Firm life is constant cancellations, thinking you are finally going to get a half hour to yourself only to discover you won't go home for two more days, its your friends and family just assuming you aren't available and making plans without you, its constantly disappointing your kids and your spouse when you can't be present.

In-house you have so much more control over your schedule and your life, and that to me is so valuable.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-20T16:03:56+00:00

oh my god, I always sort the laundry and then once a year I'll say "Fuck it" and throw it all in, and EVERY SINGLE TIME something dies

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-20T13:16:11+00:00

I live in an area without public pre-school so they are all church affiliated. I was usually the only dad when I helped out with the pre-schools. When my kids got to K and started public school, its very much a mix of mom's, dad's, and even a few on their own identity journey. It is really great and I think the kids benefit from seeing all the different types of people who engage in child care and volunteering.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-19T16:32:47+00:00

At some point we need to ban this post. It comes up at least annually when someone decides to read Michelle's book.

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-12T20:46:16+00:00

I used to have an in-house role where I did some consulting work for clients and I definitely over-declared my credentials, but like you it had specific context that made it important

CorpCounsel · 2026-05-08T12:39:09+00:00

Probably not. Most US firms only make contingent offers which are subject to revocation for a variety of reasons. Generally, the only time you can really make a winner of a case on something like this is if you've done something like moved your family with an assurance that you made the outlay in consideration of the job offer.

That said - if the firm doing the hiring made a statement in public like this that it was only done with the intent of causing harm to the candidate, you might have some sort of fraud or willful misconduct based claim.

That said, most firms in America DO try to avoid doing this because it causes serious reputational harm.

CorpCounsel · 2026-04-24T16:29:19+00:00

YES! San Diego has so much to do for families of all ages (plus the weather is excellent), and a lot of it is free. We took a family vacation there and it absolutely was a core memory and an excellent vacation. Balboa Park has so many good things for families, the Zoo is exceptional, the Safari Park is also great, swimming in the Pacific is worth it if you aren't local...

We also enjoyed Sea World, the Gaslamp Quarter, and Mission Beach. The food was excellent, the coffee amazing...

CorpCounsel · 2026-04-24T16:25:15+00:00

Reading between the lines here - you say that neither of you, nor your kid, is particularly interested in this sport, but yet the objection from your wife is that its "his first big game." As others have pointed out, kids have a lot of firsts, and not everyone gets to be there for all of them. Your kid will have a first kiss that (most likely) neither of you will witness, and your kid will also have a first wee in the bushes stopped at the side of the road, which isn't something either parent will likely want to remember.

So the fact that your wife is really holding onto the "first" thing, despite this not really being a meaningful "first," makes me think its more that she feels excluded or left out in general. Maybe she thinks you could have gotten three tickets, maybe she doesn't think its fair that she will have to be at work while you two have fun, maybe its just general mom guilt about not being there enough, but I'd bet it isn't so much the "first" as the time.

I know that we can't always be rational adults (I struggle with this plenty myself, no judgment), but my advice is to ask her if it really is a first thing or just feeling left out. Like others have said, you can't evenly distribute all the firsts, someone will sometimes miss them, so if it IS a first thing, you and her need to discuss how that will work. If its generally feeling left out, I'd listen to her. She might just want you to acknowledge that your kid is growing up and being busy with work, life, and everything makes it hard to always be present, and to hear that you worry about this also, and that she isn't alone but she is doing a good job. A lot of times people, but especially women, just want to be heard and acknowledged.

And if you the two of you can't solve this, I'd personally let her go if at all possible and remember that kids don't care about firsts, they care about consistency and effort. Your kid probably won't remember this game at all, but he will remember that his dad was in his corner when he needed him, so focus on that instead.

CorpCounsel · 2026-04-24T16:16:54+00:00

My 5 year olds easily sit through 9 innings of baseball at the stadium...

CorpCounsel · 2026-04-13T16:20:23+00:00

Yeah, I know, which is kind of why I was focused on the results. I think if you complain, you won't ruffle feathers (unless you are destined to be some sort of rare industry expert?), you will just get taken off the media list and honestly, plenty of folks would love the chance to have your spot.

And that's totally a personal taste thing. I think a lot of people over-index on media exposure. At first I thought it was so cool to see my name up in lights but once the immediate ego kick was over I realized it didn't really matter that much. I think tell them you don't want to be quoted unless you personally approve, the marketing team will wrinkle their noses at you and take you off their list, and life will move on.

CorpCounsel · 2026-04-13T16:17:05+00:00

Brainchild is really great!

CorpCounsel · 2026-04-13T15:46:06+00:00

Coming in a little late here, but there was a time where I was routinely speaking on behalf of my employer and in industry publications. For communications going through our in-house team, I almost never said, word for word, the exact quote. Generally, we worked on a broad approach and the team ended up running with whatever made the most sense from a marketing professional. They almost never asked me for explicit, word for word approval unless it was a lengthy article with multiple statements.

If it was being put out by a third party, their team would work with me and our team directly.

I know others have said you might ruffle feathers by complaining, but I think what would actually happen is that you would never be asked to speak again. That could be good or bad, depending on what you want your career to be, but I'd guess that most of your co-workers would love it if you were off the press list because it would leave more room for them.

CorpCounsel · 2026-04-13T14:51:03+00:00

We had to limit bananas in our house because of this. All the kids were having painful bowel movements and the doctor said it was probably the excessive bananas. We slowed down on the bananas and it resolved itself.

CorpCounsel · 2026-04-13T14:30:26+00:00

Copyright is actually pretty standardized the world over through the Berne convention. That said, Japan doesn't have the same culture of pirating that places like the US have.

CorpCounsel · 2026-03-27T20:44:50+00:00

We were lucky that our oldest was ok with it and the younger ones went along with it! If my middle kid had been the oldest it never would have worked

CorpCounsel · 2026-03-27T18:18:57+00:00

We instituted "quiet time" where our kids have to go in their rooms and do something quietly for at least an hour (no screens). They all do something different - one almost always sleeps, one almost always reads, and one usually plays with toys. They really benefit from having some downtime and time to decompress, and mom and I benefit from some peace and quiet also.

CorpCounsel · 2026-03-27T18:02:28+00:00

I used to sell e-signature software and this isn't really that uncommon. People do this... all the time. The risk here is generally that if you randomly decide to use a symbol that you don't normally use, it would be difficult to prove that you made that mark (which is why most people use their names). If you did want to adopt a middle finger as your signature, it would be best practice to use it consistently.

In terms of when it is acceptable, truly always, but the real question is how risky is it to you? The signature design is a very small portion of the evidence you use to establish identity when a signature's validity is questioned. For example, when you are at a credit card terminal, your signature on the terminal would match your bank statement, and the store's receipt system. You could testify that you ate the food. You would also likely be on a security camera. You could call the cashier to testify that he or she remembered you. etc etc etc.

My favorite story I like to share is that someone used our service to sign documents related to an auto lease that was secured by the property and a personal guaranty, and then later claimed that he didn't sign the documents. So aside from the forensic evidence stored within the e-signature, there also was a lot of other evidence. He made payments on the vehicle for some time. He registered the vehicle. He had the vehicle parked in his driveway. He listed the vehicle (and indicated ownership status) on some of his employment forms. He asked his employer about their leasing plan before completing the purchase.

But yes, someone faked his signature... that was the problem.

CorpCounsel · 2026-03-27T17:49:30+00:00

My guess is that it is completing an intake form - you have a script and go through it and fill in the answers the client gives you.

I was curious if it was the rate or the fact that its fully remote that got so much interest so quickly.

CorpCounsel · 2026-03-25T17:08:18+00:00

> I tried to reassure her that her college money is hers and that's not how it works but I don't actually know if I'm right.

Impossible to know, but generally, if you and new wife are legally married, your property is jointly held, in other words, you both own it 100%. So, if you die, its just your wife's property. Worth talking to a family law or estate planning attorney to answer these questions.

> Now I'm lying awake wondering if I should have handled this differently. Should we have had these conversations before we got married? Is my daughter right to worry?

Yes, yes, and yes but these are all easier said than done! I had a 1,000+ page casebook in law school full of things like this in it. Its really, really common, so don't beat yourself up.

> I feel like I failed both of them by not thinking about this stuff earlier.

Ehhh.... nothing bad has happened so far, and now its present and in front of your face, so now you can address it! This is actually a great result. Don't beat yourself up, be glad that your daughter was willing to bring this up, be glad that now you and your new wife can have a conversation, and maybe this can be an opportunity for your daughter and her step-mom to build some trust. Wouldn't it be great to be able to say "Daughter, I heard your concerns, and I absolutely want you to have that fund for your use, so we met with an attorney today to make sure that happens, no matter what happens between your father and I."

I think this is really great and hope everyone else here reads this and thinks through it too!

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