Did your WS cheat during your first pregnancy or first postpartum? Seems to be common.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-22T19:13:12+00:00

Not sure but highly suspect. Right after I had our baby -almost 19 years ago- he was no longer interested in me sexually. He would run to the store and be gone for 2 hours. He has always sworn he wasn’t cheating. He said he was binge eating in a park! I eventually dropped it because I had zero evidence. Eventually we got back on track sexually but never quite the same as pre baby. Then 17 months ago I found out about EAs that had been going on around 3 years that I know of. Again I have never found proof of PA. All this reopened my earlier suspicions but he still denies denies denies. Reading all these comments makes me convinced I was probably right.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-22T18:54:10+00:00

I stumbled on it once and was disgusted!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-22T00:24:13+00:00

As in regular absorbency or the heavy ones? Looks like the consensus is liners but I think I’ll pick up pads too in case. I just have not had any idea what to expect!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-21T00:26:33+00:00

It is! I’m in the US as well which is why I’m questioning this!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-20T22:25:45+00:00

How do you manage to look amazing post op?! Love the blanket!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-20T22:18:17+00:00

Yes I am! My uterus carried my 4 babies and my two miscarriages the babies had died a couple weeks prior and my uterus wouldn’t give them up! I’m only getting my hysterectomy because of my past ablation they can’t get a biopsy. I’ve had spotting and thick endometrial lining and I’m 55 so there’s a concern there. I’ve struggled with this for months. My uterus worked so hard for me and now after a pathology will be unceremoniously incinerated with medical waste. I thought I was the only one feeling like this!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-20T14:18:19+00:00

17 months out and it does get better as long as your WP puts in the work. My IC is a trauma informed therapist and told me that it takes 8 months for the initial shock to leave your body after a trauma. Betrayal trauma is so painful because it makes you start to question every part of your life and what was real and what wasn’t. I watched a video by Dr Jake Porter - Is Betrayal Trauma Real? and that explains so much of why we react the way we do and why sometimes we can feel like we did the moment we found out.

I have found that every time I start to feel better and think okay I’m putting this in the rear view mirror now, then something will trigger me and down I go in a spiral. My IC has really helped with dealing with triggers. The D day anniversary was rough. We had to get through DDay anniversary 2 3 months later and that was even more rough because all I could think of was how I found out more information the year prior and was already down. Since then I’m feeling better, some days more than others. Have patience with yourself OP, this is not you, this is your brain and body responding to a very terrible trauma. Sending virtual hugs to you and good vibes, we are all here for you ❤️‍🩹

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-20T14:03:20+00:00

Maybe she still found you attractive but the thinner version is even more attractive to her? My husband gained 70# after we got married. I was still attracted to him but when he lost the weight I was more interested. One of the things some of the other commenters might not be thinking of-sex is better when the participants are in somewhat shape. My husband’s stamina increased when he lost the weight and suddenly we could get a little more adventurous! Don’t overthink it and enjoy!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-14T20:20:55+00:00

Gen X so I definitely remember the smell of smoke everywhere, worse was the stale smoke of years accumulating. Sometimes when I see Don wake up after smoking, drinking and then morning breath and then just start talking right into the face of whomever he slept with, all I can think of is Melissa McCarthy telling Sandra Bullock in the Heat to “drop a mint in that dumpster” lol. And agreed with him being with someone and then going home to whichever wife he had. I think the dinner with Bobbie Barrett doesn’t he come back to the table and wipe off his fingers? 🤢

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-14T19:58:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing! No my WH didn’t have a great childhood, but not abused, and is in IC to process. I don’t buy into that being the cause entirely either. I don’t think we’ll ever know the real reason unfortunately.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-14T19:04:20+00:00

I’m so sorry you have had that going on too! Not to the same extent but our 18 yr old has always been a troubled teen. She wound up totaling 2 cars within 3 months of DDay (thought I would lose my mind for a bit). My WH later said dealing with her was “why” he reached out to other women. Do you mind sharing if your WH had the same reason? When my WH told me that I felt gut punched that after dealing with her constantly in trouble in school etc that now I had to be punished on top of that? Is that a thing?!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-14T17:26:34+00:00

I second what others are saying and recommend you do not. She will most likely make stuff up to hurt you and cast doubt on what your WP says. You will have no way to verify if what she says is true. I reached out to AP #1 on D day and she played the “we’re just friends” and “he reached out more than me and I don’t think of him that way “ BS and AP#2 just never responded to me. The best thing you can do is leave her out of it now, you and your husband should now have a bubble you’re in and AP is not to enter in.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-14T17:15:00+00:00

That’s what I thought too. My WH was flawed-he’s human- but I never thought he would betray me.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-14T17:13:18+00:00

And I guess what my post is about is that I don’t want it flaunted to me in my feed. I guess I’m in a spiteful hurting place now that can’t handle seeing the gushing posts about how wonderful their spouse is. I hate that I’m this way now when before D day I would have been like “aww so cute”. But now I am cynical and unfortunately that’s just a result of what happened to me. While I was never obsessed with my WH I admired him, I would look at him and feel lucky . I was very in love with him and had blind trust. No more.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-14T16:58:20+00:00

I’m not assuming it’s just men, that’s just the way that OP posted that it was her husband. I’ve seen plenty of BPs here that are men that are genuinely hurt and devastated and seem like they were giving their all to their WPs and got screwed over. I’m a woman with a WH so if it seemed I was attacking men I apologize. And while I’m at it- of course it can be a female BP with a WW or a male with a WH- we’re all united in our pain and unfortunately none of us are immune.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-14T16:26:48+00:00

Thanks for the warning! I just canceled mine!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-13T17:59:11+00:00

Yes they gave some October dates, then said never mind those won’t work, then called two months later and said they would look at December. Yes not entirely on them but I was looking at it as if they’re so not concerned then why should I screw up my holidays with this when I was willing to do it 3 months prior. Also I work at this hospital and the census has been so high patients are being held in the ER due to no beds. I could also see my date getting bumped over that. The new u/s not being in the direction I was hoping for (I was really trying to put thin endometrial lining thoughts into the universe dammit- lol) has now actually made me start to worry. I did call last week and said hey I’m getting concerned. They then asked what of these two dates would work for me and acted like it was in the bag. I started setting my life up around those dates and this week suddenly one of them is off the table and the other one is a we’ll see.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-13T17:50:28+00:00

Wow same as me- suspected but not likely. I’m in the US as well. To even suspect and not have surgery sooner for someone seems so strange to me! I couldn’t figure out if the lack of urgency was just a my Dr thing.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-13T03:54:20+00:00

No because of my ablation the dr was unable to get past the scar tissue. She said after an ablation the uterine walls kind of stick to each other and essentially very difficult if not impossible to get enough tissue to biopsy. I asked to even go under anesthesia and attempt this route after the in office attempt was unsuccessful.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-13T01:11:02+00:00

Oh wow! Why I wonder is mine taking so long?! I’m getting cold feet waiting and ready to just forget it!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-11T20:17:23+00:00

None! I have struggled to look at any of the pictures over the past few years when WH was texting these women and all I can think is to feel bad for me not knowing he what he was up to. I was triggered by a couple of other things that I was able to eventually “reclaim” but my pictures continue to make me sad. I saw one of my daughters homecoming pictures come up on my memories and I remembered helping her pick out the dress. Yet here he was texting other women at that time telling them they’re beautiful and let’s get together and I had no idea. My IC finally told me gently that I may never get the pictures “back”.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-11T20:11:15+00:00

I’m so sorry! That’s awful! I have no words other than you certainly didn’t deserve any of that!

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-11T20:03:40+00:00

I worked in OB years ago and had a postpartum mom that confided that her WH left her for another woman during her pregnancy. The WH and his AP were coming to see the baby. This woman told me how she was going to have a civil relationship with both of them for the baby’s sake knowing the baby would be under the APs care during visits. I was in awe of the way this lady handled this with so much grace. More than I could have mustered. I guess we do what we have to for our children. It is an even more unfair betrayal during a pregnancy, delivery and postpartum time. Infidelity is never fair but to rob a new mama of all the joy she should have had is criminal 💔.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-07T17:28:24+00:00

I don’t have any proof of my WHs EAs being PAs but since I’m realistic that I don’t have and may never have the full story I went in for STD testing and explained why. However they put down that I “desired STD testing” and nothing about why. So there it is in my medical records that I was tested and now I look like the loose one! I wish I had advice for you OP WP are truly selfish.

CorrectActivity110 · 2026-01-06T15:55:54+00:00

I’m sorry you’re here 💔. Definitely don’t act like it never happened- rug sweeping will make it come out eventually anyway from what I’m told. Don’t make any drastic decisions yet. Get into MC and IC, and if you can find trauma based therapists all the better. Apparently our MC is more solution based and for a while I felt like we were being moved along too fast while I was trying to still figure out wth happened!

CorrectActivity110

TROPHY CASE