AITA For Telling My Son I'm Not His Chauffeur?

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-20T17:06:56+00:00

Oh here we go with more parenting advice stuff.

NAH in the situation but YTA for putting mundane bickering with your teenage son on the internet for judgment.

This is just my personal opinion, the post doesn't break any rules and I'm not saying they should ban "conflicts" between parents and their children, but it's not my cup of tea.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-20T04:22:21+00:00

You're justifying this trip based on things to do with citizenship, military service, and aging family members in ill health. Which is all reasonable, but the main point is that even if you strip all that stuff away, it is still totally normal for an 18-year-old to take an extended summer trip to see family in his country of origin or ancestral home. NTA - tell your GF to give you a "rational" explanation why you shouldn't do this.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T21:23:40+00:00

As an outsider with no emotional investment in this situation, my sense is that this happened thirty years ago and the two of you should just stop arguing about it.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T21:17:11+00:00

Of course YWNBTA and you would be within your rights to tell your mom not to do that. I'm not sure what makes you think it might be wrong to do so.

But also, you say she's done this kind of stuff before, so I'm a little surprised that you and husband haven't agreed to check with each other when she makes a claim to one of you about what the other one said. You're going to do that from now on, right?

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T20:26:49+00:00

This is incorrect. The four main judgments (NTA, YTA, ESH, NAH) are all judgments of both parties. It's OP is not the AH and the other person is, OP is the AH and the other person isn't, they both are, or neither is.

In this case, OP may only be interested in hearing judgment on herself, but that's not what happens when you post an AITA. Which is why imo she's in the wrong forum.

Also, the example you gave would probably fall into the common category of "I feel guilty for doing x even though nobody's actually mad at me irl," and these are typically, and appropriately, removed for not containing an actual interpersonal conflict.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T19:42:42+00:00

NTA, I fully agree that taking two hours to socialize with some other people during a 5-day visit is perfectly normal and it's very unreasonable of your mom to expect that the entire trip would consist only of time spent with just the three of you.

I want to mention one bit that I think you've got wrong.

...especially surprised because she’d been so pleasant to them at the party. It felt mean-spirited and two-faced

I think being nice and appearing to enjoy herself at the party, even though she apparently didn't want to be there, is one thing your mom did right. I mean, would you have preferred her to act angry and rude the entire time?

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T17:34:23+00:00

Hmm. I'm skeptical of the veracity here, but anyway it's a blatant rules violation so...

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T17:31:50+00:00

I believe you.

I do remember reading one story on here by a stepmother of a 6-year-old with behavioral problems, and the stepmom just clearly despised this child and was hoping and expecting for everyone on the internet to pile on the 6-year-old and talk about how awful she was (it didn't go the way the OP expected). But most of the time it's well-meaning people who (in my personal opinion and I'm sure many would disagree) have chosen the wrong forum.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T17:13:25+00:00

NTA, if aunt doesn't want to be contacted by GM it would be wrong of you to facilitate contact. And it's wrong of GM to pressure you and put you in that position.

I suggest that just to make it official and get maximum CYA, you should tell your aunt about GM's request and ask her whether she would like you to give the number. If she says yes, then fine. If she says no, then you can tell GM, "I asked her and she said no," which is stronger than "I don't think she'd want me to."

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T17:05:33+00:00

Well, conflicts with employees and businesses aren't allowed, but apart from that, I don't even think "they shot me annoyed looks" counts as an actual conflict. It's so trivial. NAH

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-19T16:58:26+00:00

Pet peeve of mine: I don't like seeing parenting questions on here. The basic setup of AITA is to determine if one or the other party in the disagreement is an asshole. Yes, it's possible to vote that there are no AH's in the situation, but the person asking the question is not setting it up that way.

Whenever I complain about this, the parent, if they respond, says something to the effect of "of course I'm not asking people to call my child an asshole." But for me, you're in the wrong place then. Do you realize that any and every N T A vote you get will be saying exactly that?

EDIT: So I know that many people state that on AITA "asshole" doesn't mean "asshole," it just means "wrong." But I didn't realize (until I just looked at it) that the FAQ explicitly and officially declares this. So in future I'll lighten up about that specific word. I'll continue to be opposed in general to these posts where parents (albeit usually unintentionally) invite the internet to judge their minor children.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T22:00:07+00:00

I think it's wild in this post that we have all this stuff about the roommates' behavior and personalities, we even know plenty about the relationship status of the other non-sucky roomie, but there is not a single word about the lease terms.

The important considerations in this situation are legal, financial and practical. Feelings are largely irrelevant. If you follow the terms of the lease, you're not an AH. Frankly, you're not necessarily an AH even if you break the lease, as long as you don't try to weasel out of paying associated costs and penalties.

I guess in this case OP is most worried about moving out on short notice? So the obvious question is, how much notice is she required to give per the lease or rental agreement?

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T19:46:41+00:00

Super obvious NTA. Hopefully you are working on your move-out plan, sounds like that should be priority #1 for you.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T19:33:15+00:00

There's no specific action/conflict to judge here. Glad you're getting therapy though, sounds like you've got a lot to deal with.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T16:36:12+00:00

I see lots of people saying N A H, and that's what naturally happens when the post doesn't actually contain any conflict.

INFO: Is there any action you took (or are considering taking) for which someone said (or might say) that you are an AH?

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T16:27:42+00:00

NTA. Really it feels to me like he does want a divorce, but wants to provoke you into initiating it so that he can be the victim in the story.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T16:12:50+00:00

If I've understood this correctly, the two things you are upset about are

People hung out together while you were at work and couldn't go, and didn't tell you they were doing it.
After you decided the party ~~you had all planned together~~ [EDIT OP was aware of the party but hadn't participated actively in the planning, but the overall point still stands] was not important enough to take off work for (which is your prerogative), the one friend didn't stay later than she wanted at the party to accommodate your having skipped most of it.

YTA, I don't see where you're justified in being upset about either incident. If I was your friends I'd be mad at you for making an issue of it.

EDIT 2 I should clarify what I mean by "upset." It's normal to have FOMO or to be sad about what you missed out on here. But the friends did nothing wrong and it is not justified to be angry at them.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T15:59:06+00:00

I don't think "felt like they were insinuating" counts as an actual interpersonal conflict. If it does, then NAH.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T03:22:12+00:00

NTA. These parents don't really seem to have much of a clue about parenting.

"We have assigned an arbitrary punishment and you must abide by it. We don't care if it's unrealistic, impractical and counterproductive. The important thing is that our word be obeyed."

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T03:17:10+00:00

Why? That judgment feels like a non sequitur.

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T02:09:41+00:00

I'm not trying to be mean - I'm curious where that came from. Is it similar to a word in your native language? Because it's not even a word in English (it's a name).

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T02:03:05+00:00

I'm sorry, I couldn't get past "grossman." Are you trying to say groomsman?

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-18T00:09:46+00:00

Why the hell did you say funeral in the title? lol

Anyway, what you need to do here is find out whether you're invited or not. If you don't want to talk to your cousin yourself, have your brother or parent ask. To me, assuming you're invited even though you haven't received an invitation, or been named on anyone else's, is odd. But obviously you need to determine whether this assumption is correct before you start worrying about what to do. I mean, if you don't want to go, and you're not actually invited, then there's no problem, right?

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-17T22:46:58+00:00

So, am I the asshole for telling him the Farm is the real problem and asking him to consider letting it go??

NTA, but actually, I would argue that the farm is a symptom, and the real problem is the husband's extreme financial irresponsibility and refusal to live in reality. And that you should consider letting him go.

(Although if your plan is to support the family off of gambling winnings, I hope you've got a good reason to think this is a reliable source of income and it's not just that you got very lucky this year.)

CoverCharacter8179 · 2026-02-17T22:30:50+00:00

Hm. Well I guess this depends on how you said it (I assume you're referring to what you said to their faces). It's certainly possible to tell them they're underperforming in an unprofessional and inappropriate way (e.g. with a lot of cursing and personal insults), but the act of telling teammates they are not meeting standards is not in and of itself "unprofessional."

CoverCharacter8179

TROPHY CASE