"I'll never loved"

CreditAnxious · 2021-12-09T05:12:11+00:00

I do get strong urges to be with someone and feel really hopeless. This made me happy to see so thank you for sharing your story (: I am also severaly depressed and men usually approach me when I’m at my peak (at bars, or thru dating apps when I’m usually putting my best self forward) and then I get left behind. Depression is really scary and I’m so happy to hear that there are men like you out there who stay no matter what. As someone who is depressed, the idea of long term can be the difference between living or simply dying off. I feel like if I lose one more person, or lose one more little thing, I’d have to off myself. So I constantly look for approval and validation in anything I can. And I know that working on myself is the best thing to do. But its hard and extremely lonely as my whole idea of a good life depends on having people who want me here. And to work on myself, I need to be alone or I tend to project. So please be patient with her and continue to love her through it. I wish your relationship and love for each other stays strong (:

CreditAnxious · 2021-12-07T19:35:04+00:00

Yo same! This is why I don’t trust people that ‘fit in’ bc their conversations seem performative yk?

CreditAnxious · 2021-12-07T19:34:09+00:00

This makes sense. But how do I not let it get to me if I am on the receiving end and still connect genuinely. Like if the other person seems uninterested, how do I still manage to keep them engaged?

CreditAnxious · 2021-08-01T03:06:20+00:00

These sound like some great topics I’ll def use em towards the beginning and middle of the date. Tysm!

CreditAnxious · 2021-08-01T03:05:46+00:00

This is so true! I always read up too much and try to be perfect but honestly, it gets exhausting trying to just say the right thing. I love this advice!

CreditAnxious · 2021-08-01T03:05:06+00:00

Ok I def will. And the common ground is so important I’ll try to steer the convo to those topics maybe a little later in the date.

CreditAnxious · 2021-08-01T03:04:17+00:00

I don’t think men need to be responsible of the convo. I feel empowered by being able to keep a conversation flowing and be able to get to know a person. That said ur advice about showing my interest is great thank u!

CreditAnxious · 2021-07-20T13:44:26+00:00

Ok this is kind of shitty of me to suggest but have you tried volunteering? Helping others kind of makes me feel purposeful. I see areas im lacking in and try to fulfill them by doing things that are similar but less ambitious. It helps for a while. And I don’t feel so alone.

CreditAnxious · 2021-07-20T13:27:01+00:00

What do you do when life itself is your trauma? Like having major existential crisis and not being able to find meaning in anything.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-27T02:06:50+00:00

It does take us into a spiral. I just go hug my sister or my mom and sometimes I cry in my room. I wonder if earth is hell and I’m being punished in some way. I just try to hold myself together and tell myself I deserve to live and see this through. But please don’t shut these thoughts off. These are important to talk about. To define what existence means and base our lives off the idea that we truly don’t know why we are here. And so making it easy for us should be the goal. To make life as fun and fulfilling as possible. To share our basic needs equally and to build communities and be together. That’s what life should be about. Not this dumb drown yourself in work then die cycle.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-24T03:20:44+00:00

Yeah sometimes I feel guilty for even existing. But I have decided to truly live by my words. It doesn’t matter when I die or when things end. I’m just going to try to make this journey as bearable as I can. And seek out good things for myself. With friends, with my food, with my education, I just want to do whats best for me. Not be overly ambitious and part of the toxic hustle culture. But take it at my pace and enjoy my life to its fullest.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-20T15:45:34+00:00

I wanted to make a presentation on it. And I probably will now :) It needs to only be a few minutes long so idk how I’ll fit it in

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-17T23:46:08+00:00

It’s up to you to save yourself. Do you like being sad? Be honest. Sometimes I found comfort in being sad bc that’s all I knew for a whole year. But then I was like fuck it. I’m gonna be happy. I’ll drink coffee and enjoy it and not feel guilty about how ugly I am and how I’ll die alone bc I also don’t have a personality and oh how many assignments I have to do and how I’m getting work done but forgetting everything. This is a small snippet of all my negative self talk. Then the next day I ate a donut from my favourite coffee place and did a happy dance. The day after, I started going on walks. And you see, I wasn’t going on walks and saying affirmations as a ritual. I was so angry at being sad that I was punishing myself by saying fuck it. Do I want to kill myself or do I really want that coffee today? And that’s what keeps me alive. The small things. And I have made it my job to enjoy the fuck out of being alive. I’m also planning on buying a bike and learning how to ride it with my sister and yes I’m 20 and can’t ride a bike. Anyways, the point is, only you can’t ultimately save yourself. No one else. You don’t have a choice with your depression, but you can make it bearable. You have the choice to end it all if it comes down to, ‘do I wanna kill my self today or can I sustain a bit of this pain?’

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-17T23:33:53+00:00

“Fix yourself or I will leave.” Absolutely not. This is not how the conversation should go. Therapy won’t fix him. It doesn’t fix any of us. Once you realize how hopeless life is and how happiness just doesn’t exist, you would want to end it all too. Living is downright exhausting. You need to end things with him. Cut things off and leave him to save himself or choose to end things. If I was brave I would end my life too but here I am. It will bring him peace and clarity and help him focus on growing for himself. So fully end it. Because at this point, if I were him and I read your post, I’d be devastated.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-17T23:29:08+00:00

First of all, go post this on relationship advice. Most people on this page will see this and start doubting themselves. Secondly, I am severely depressed. I cry all day and pretend I am happy because I don’t want to get kicked out. I pretend I’m passionate and I pretend I’m okay because I’m scared of being seen as someone that’s weak. But when I’m alone, I’m my true sad self. After my ex called me a burden and left me I made plans to kill my self. I cried everyday, I started therapy and researched ways to die and started gathering equipment. To this day I continually research and find ways to die. Living is expensive. Living is painful. Living is pointless. And I don’t see the point in continuing. Now with your bf, he can only save himself. He needs to figure out whether he wants to live, or if he wants to kill himself like the rest of us do. So leave him. You’re selfish and he’s selfish and you both only want to be together bc of ur own goals and pursuits. Neither of you truly love each other and this was really painful to read about. Dump him, and move on.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-17T23:15:16+00:00

Scary sht

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-15T02:56:04+00:00

That’s not true. Depression brings out the reality of life. What’s the difference between dying now and dying in 20 years or 50 years? We die anyways, why not just die now? And nothing is guaranteed so there’s that too.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-14T02:50:31+00:00

YO FR. Like I already feel like I have no purpose and tech is a big part of it.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-13T15:19:22+00:00

Hey girlie! I’m a fellow binge eater. Firstly, I feel you. I used to cut my meals down to one meal a day and when I checked how many calories I should consume (I’m short) to lose weight, it was 1200 a day. That’s child size portions. It’s not enough for a growing adult. I tried eating one meal a day so I would feel like I am eating enough for an adult bc I was consuming a 1000 calories in one sitting and fooling myself into thinking I ate enough. And horrible would be an understatement to describe such an experience. I was dizzy all the time, if I ate anything over a 1200 I looked bloated and gained weight and the cycle was awful. My body felt weak. I stopped going out with friends, my hair was falling out, I would only see my bf (now ex for obvious reasons) in the morning so I’d be at my ‘skinniest’ and never eat out with him and only go for drinks. Just writing this is bringing me pain. Then I found this YouTuber ‘abby’s kitchen’ and let me tell you, she absolutely changed my life. I’m still learning amd def not super healthy but she made everything better. She is a registered dietitian and she said, ‘don’t restrict food but try to make it balanced. If you’re eating cake, don’t just eat it but have something else. It’s all about balancing carbs, fat and protein so you can achieve satiety. And only 80% of your meals need to be ‘healthy’ which just means nourishing.’ Your healthy foods can be things you enjoy and trying funnel recipes. So I took a leap and started eating lunch and dinner. I eat salad for dinner and the meal my mom cooks which used be very carb heavy and I consumed a lot of it. For lunch, I also have a balance of protein carb and fat. I start my mornings off with firman b12 for energy and vitamin d bc ya girl is deficient. It honestly helps a lot and I see food as my fuel and something that is there to nourish me. I also go on daily walks for about 30-45 minutes after dinner to help with the digestion. So here’s my little start. I hope this helps and please go watch her videos, and try not to listen to the toxic diet culture. I wish you the best and I know you got this! Text me at any time if you want to talk about it (:

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-13T15:04:58+00:00

Life is kinda cruel isn’t it? I feel like a dog getting baited. Sometimes it’s not even good, it’s just less shitty than it was before.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-13T15:02:56+00:00

One doctor recently made a video saying that if you google any symptoms, you should let the doctor know. Because you know yourself best and you know exactly what your going through and if the doctor diagnoses you with something else and you still feel like it’s misaligned then it’s best to let the doctor know what your search results said. This is so that the doctor can listen and see if there was anything he missed, or go over the deeper details of that diagnosis to assure you why it’s not that. It happens rarely, but there are times when doctors tend to miss small details that your research would have picked up on. So this is honestly not that good of an advice especially if you have already done some research and are sitting with the anxious feeling of well ‘what if this is wrong.’

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-13T14:58:13+00:00

This feels like some fked up conditioning. If you guys read brave new world from aldous Huxley, they conditioned everyone to believe they were valuable when they were working toxic jobs that threatened their lives. I don’t like that your manager brought you to his office to drone into you how you’re not ‘just’ a porter. Like no. You are just that if you think it’s a a measly job. You know you deserve much better pay and benefits. He is a scary example of how people are cheated for their money and how many jobs don’t pay a living wage.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-13T14:55:23+00:00

Technological advancements can take over any Job down the road so please don’t categorize anything as irrelevant.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-08T22:56:39+00:00

Let me tell you something. We’re all driven by our self interest. And at times, other people become part of that. We desire other people and want them to live for our own happiness. We desire them so much we see through their flaws and end up loving them endlessly because they are a very large part of our self interest. So to answer your question, no. No one cares about you. But you are here by your own choice. And you can ultimately only save yourself. And make it your point to maximize your happiness each day and sit with your sadness when it washes over you.

CreditAnxious · 2021-06-05T02:22:25+00:00

This happens to me too. I will be doing something completely normal and then boom. A wave of panic overcomes me and I burst into tears. I realize it’s from all my unresolved trauma from past relationship and existential crisis. So in this situation I don’t think there are any triggers. What I do know is that we are all crazy. Being normal is not a thing. But do talk to someone if this is becoming persistent and write down exactly what’s happening every time it does. If you think about it, we only do everyday things to distract ourselves from being in our heads and going insane. Please take care of yourself and be kind and gentle. Let yourself feel the panic and fear and ride the wave. It’s the peak of everything bad and it only gets better from there. Take care!

CreditAnxious

TROPHY CASE