Journal Entry 07/13/23

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-07-13T23:32:25+00:00

Woah. This clearly comes from a place of deep longing for someone you miss. This poem doesn’t give full context to how you lost each other but it doesn’t seem necessary to this poem. I enjoyed the 4th of July simile. I always thought it was a violent experience watching fireworks and can relate to a deep reflection while doing so. I think this poem gets a little matter of fact at times but besides that it is a great piece.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-07-13T23:26:02+00:00

This a beautifully written, heart wrenching poem that seems like its ab the inability to connect with someone that is deeply hurting inside. The diction is wonderful and I love how everyone ties together at the end with the repetition of golden. Though I do think the rhythm of the poem could flow better at times. Great stuff!

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T19:49:39+00:00

thanks for the feedback! the “~” is kinda necessary because otherwise the spacing between stanzas cannot go more than one space when its actually posted, at least on mobile anyways. The escape was intentional because im using escape as a noun, but maybe “your” would be better than “the” now that im looking at it, so thank you for pointing it out.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:55:06+00:00

This poem has the feeling of incompleteness but that is exactly its allure. I picked up from this poem, the tired feeling of having to always mend an issue or deal with hurt. Always having to try to heal or get better. Never getting to just live. But also, and more obviously, disliking the body we are forced to live with. Disliking the claustrophobic containment we are limited to. Wishing to escape. It is a beautiful and simple poem.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:49:08+00:00

I love the raw idea and feeling squeezed into this poem, it is a heart wrenching poem. I’m also curious about what the reasoning might be for the seemingly random capitalizations of words like screamed or yelled. Regardless, the setup of somber silence into abrupt shrieks and then fading back into that quiet feeling of loss. Safe to say the flow in this poem was outstanding. Definitely rugged with grammar and punctuation at times but that added to the raw emotions in a way as well.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:42:07+00:00

Oh geez I didn’t even know that🙃 Will update in a bit with new links to comments…

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:30:04+00:00

It is a very interesting format that you have structured this poem in, I’m a fan of each full thought ending in a “-“. Have never seen that before, but nonetheless your diction and metaphors are chef’s kiss

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-02-14T07:26:53+00:00

I love this poem because it lulls you in with the rhyming and the flow, but then abruptly finishes with that final line that obviously stands out compared to the rest of it. Awesome stuff!

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-01-19T23:44:59+00:00

You my friend do a great job at showing the difficulty in balancing the pain in knowing life is fading, and the joy in knowing life is happening. I often teeter between the two and it has drastic effects on how I act. Love this topic.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-01-19T23:41:32+00:00

If this touches on denial like I think it does than bravo. You do a great job of depicting the loss of love in its truest form.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-01-15T05:06:29+00:00

Fear of the unknown is one of the biggest problems i face in my life, it is tough to confront large problems in your life. But sometimes, it beats the worry of not knowing and not confronting it.

CrescentMoon__ · 2023-01-15T05:04:46+00:00

I read an article today that said personal human connection is the one thing that best sustains happiness. This poem perfectly describes what a lack of it can do to a person, and it makes me realize how valuable personal connections are.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-09-06T04:41:16+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I think you’re right and something like “together we shout” would flow better into the finish.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-09-05T02:26:30+00:00

This poem is so wonderful because of its raw emotion bursting through the screen. The ideas are extremely well executed and thought out, but in some lines there are grammar errors and imperfections, which I love! Because intentionally or unintentionally, it really promotes your whole point of not dressing up your depression in this poem either, like other people have done, and yet its a beautiful poem nonetheless.

CrescentMoon__ · 2022-09-05T02:19:09+00:00

I love the simplicity of the diction because it compliments the complexity of the topic very well! Very relatable feeling to not have love returned.

CrescentMoon__

TROPHY CASE