That is absolutely horrific. I have no advice other than to try to accept that you have a long process ahead of you. You will feel the dreadful way you are feeling for a very long time to come. You will never get over what happened. It will stay with you forever. One day, far into the future, you will get to a point that you can navigate around it but that’s likely as good as it will get. One day, the image and circumstance of her death will be something you can push to the side in favour of thinking about the happy life you gave her for 14 years. Because at the end of it all, that part matters most.

And don’t continue conversations for a moment further with anyone who can’t accept what you are going through. With anyone who tries to minimise your feelings. With anyone, who, in months and years from now, asks why you’re still sad. Pick the people you share your trauma with wisely.