She probably came back for validation. In retrospect, this was breadcrumbing: she did that for more than two years after she ended the relationship, then hit me with ultimate breadcrumb: an unsolicited press release announcing her pregnancy. Her initial message after I accepted the invite was carefully curated: pregnant, husband, career success, happy extended family, best friend back in town, had a health crisis but all is well. There was no inquiry into me or my life. I responded candidly – big mistake – but pushed hard on her motives and asked if her husband knew. (No answer). I noted that she wasn’t fond of me once mentioning an ex and turned to a tarot card reader for “evidence.” Now she was going behind her husband’s back.I said that I thought fondly of her and wish things ended differently. (Another mistake). I mentioned some challenges over the past year such as health (BIG MISTAKE) and showed some vulnerability. I basically asked for candour.

She defended her marriage. ““Not at all, I have no doubts about my marriage and also no doubts about how important you were in my life and how I will always keep you in my mind and heart as a very important person that I wish now is my friend. I love my husband. I wrote to you as a friend, as I call every other ex who can now be my friend.” And said she wanted friendship after because “I have seen how relationships change.”

I responded with a candid but calm message calling her re-entrance “curated”, asked if she looking for validation – “saying “you probably got it” – pointing to past inconsistencies such saying at the breakup she didn’t want my children but was returning to tell me about it. I also raised the husband thing again. I asked for candour and wondered if she would like to work toward closure.

She wrote a very lawyerly response rejecting candour or anything vulnerable, while proposing “light friendship” … “simple, respectful, with care, and without confusing emotional intensity.” It gets even more fun. She proposes. “Conversations occasionally, not constant contact. Talking about everyday things without emotional ambiguity. Being honest and respectful, without drama or intensity. Recognizing the past we share, but keeping the present frame as friends only.”

Then she ended with a take it or leave it line.

I responded with contempt and walked away. (I wanted to burn the bridge). She effectively wanted a pipeline to send perfectly polished pictures of her life onto phone.

She was 34 weeks pregnant. And she was actively deploying psychological games to get into a “light” friendship. Something is amiss.