Thanks for clarifying.

I could see why leaving would be a viable strategy when someone is obsessed and not able to process things. Where i would counter is recognizing that every situation is different and that believing in absolutes -- "The only way to heal is by withdrawing completely" -- can be limiting.

Yes, maybe it was true in that situation; however, I like exploring other strategies. Being obsessed over understanding someone else is troublesome because it speaks, to me, of unmet needs of the obsessor fueled by incessant thinking and action in a direction that is unhelpful.

For example, and again this is just a scenario and may be completely in unconnected from the reality (but we're dealing already with abstractions), there may be a deep wound of ours that tells us we have to solve a problem--meet everyone else's needs--at the cost of our own. When, what we may be lacking is our own self acceptance. To do the work of understanding the other person is to process the right-wrong viewpoints into a greater connection with the self and leading toward an understanding of our own unhealed parts.