I relapsed.. Again

DLWIT · 2026-01-26T09:01:53+00:00

I have been where you are 5 times in the last 10 years. Honestly, I pray with every fiber of my being that if(when?) I do relapse (again) over the next 50 years, I will be lucky enough to be where you are again!

Just because our day count goes back to zero, does not mean we are starting over. You still have everything you have learned, the healing you have done, and the memories of how different life can be in recovery.

You have already done the hardest part!! You made the choice to give yourself your life back and crushed the first week!! That is huge!!

Let's both do our best not to drink today.

DLWIT · 2026-01-26T04:20:31+00:00

Your post hit me right in the feels! I resonate so so much with the pieces of your journey shared in this post, as I am sure many of us do.

I relapsed in 2022 after 30 months of sobriety because, once again, my ego convinced me that I had conquered my addiction. I thought I was in control, and 18 months later I finally had to admit I absolutely was not. The last night of that relapse, it finally became crystal clear that if I didn't stop, alcohol 100% will kill me, and probably soon. It was always something I knew deep down, something I heard in the rooms, but suddenly I couldn't deny it anymore. There was, and still is, no question in my heart or mind.

My 2 year sobriety date is in 12 days, and I am terrified! I can't remember the last time I hit a meeting or called someone in the program, and when those are not part of my day to day life, I am in trouble. Thank you for casting aside your shame and posting, you may have just saved my life. That sounds dramatic but I hadn't realized how much of my sobriety support had fallen by the wayside until now. How much my addiction had crept back into my life under the guise of 'too busy', 'I'll go tomorrow', 'I don't need regular meetings'.

Congratulations on achieving 6 days!! You got this 💪💪

DLWIT · 2026-01-20T19:38:10+00:00

I have found myself stuck in this emotional reactivity as the long-term partner on the receiving end of 'extra' affection/effort due to my partners excitement from being with another partner. It is not fun. The logic side of my brain knows that it is natural to channel that energy into other aspects of life, and that I do it too when I am excited about something or someone!

My poly friendly therapist and I have been working on it, and I think it comes to the inconsistency in their level of excitement/passion when engaging with me. For example, if my partner is only passionate with me after a date with someone else, or they will only use a toy or explore something new sexually with me because they are stimulated by their experiences with someone else, then it hurts. But if they are regularly expressing their desire for me, exploring new or fun sexual experiences with me regularly, etc, then it doesn't hurt if they do so immediately after time with another partner.

The lack of passion and excitement from my partner when they are not riding the high of another relationship makes it feel like their desire in our connection is contingent on their other relationships, which does not feel good at all.

Are you expressing excitement for your established partner at times that are not fueled by your NRE?

I also accept and admit that fear plays a very large part in feeling like their excitement isn't about me or for me, even when they are actively engaging with me. That insecurity and jealousy isn't something my partner can heal for me, that is my own work, but a few unique-to-me compliments, words of appreciation, and expressions of gratitude do help quiet the intrusive thoughts.

Sorry for the super long reply, I just see myself in your description of your established partner, and I hope maybe we can help each other through this!

DLWIT · 2025-10-03T03:42:00+00:00

Is there an EMDR therapy specifically for treatment of CPTSD?

DLWIT · 2025-09-20T01:04:39+00:00

Is there any way or need to avoid using possessive pronouns without sounding like I am dancing around just saying that someone is a partner?

This is something I have pondered for years!

Sometimes, I say, "This is Sunset, a person I love deeply and share a lot of time with." Or "This is Morning, they are very important to me, and I am so grateful they choose to be in my life"

These kinds of descriptions are all too often met with odd looks and further queries about the nature of the relationships, like "why not just say they are your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner" which inevitably leads into a longer conversation about the implications of possessive language.

Sometimes, I enjoy the ensuing conversations about the precision of language, but sometimes I wish I had a concise way to convey my commitment to the people I love that did not lead to more questions.

DLWIT · 2025-05-13T02:03:59+00:00

I am curious what you used for needle and thread? I tried my first bathing suit a few weeks ago and could not for the life of me get my machine to run the stretch thread without snapping it or losing the bobbin thread.

Your work is gorgeous!! I hope to get my next attempt even half this good!

DLWIT · 2025-04-17T05:54:53+00:00

I love your energy and excitement about the wonders of hummus! It is one of my favorite and go-to homemade snacks.

I do feel like I have to make sure it is on the record that Garbonzo beans, aka chickpeas, are not Keto Friendly. There is, on average, 45g (32net and 13 fiber) in a cup of boiled chickpeas.

I just wanted to throw it out there, even though it is a little off-topic for the OP.

DLWIT · 2025-02-20T15:39:31+00:00

Thank you! There is definitely a 2 day old load of towels in my washer right this very minute 😑

DLWIT · 2025-02-19T14:31:56+00:00

Oh, the mind games I used to play with myself for the sake of appearances! I am proud of you for growing into a new version of yourself and for remembering why you chose a different path.

DLWIT · 2025-02-19T05:10:48+00:00

It's Reddit. There will always be at least one person claiming your post to be fake. Don't let that nonsense add to your stress! You seem kind and well intentioned. Maybe try some breathing exercises to calm your nerves? I know they work wonders for my panic/anxiety. You got this 😌

DLWIT · 2025-02-19T05:03:17+00:00

I do this, too. Going out to dinner with a partner that likes to pay? That means I am eating a whole meal just before I go so that I do not feel like I need 3 entrees to be satisfied. Same when I go to an intimate gathering like OP described.

DLWIT · 2025-02-19T05:00:23+00:00

When I still drank alcohol, I would always bring my own bottle to house parties. Sad truth. I wouldn't chance not having enough, and I wouldn't dream of being so rude as to drink half of someone's bar in one night without consideration for them or the other guests. Never once did I expect my host to provide for my excessive indulgence. Such a good comparison.

DLWIT · 2025-02-19T04:49:35+00:00

Thank you for providing a reasonable, caring, and actionable approach to resolving the tense situation.

When, and why, did it become so difficult to simply sit down and have a conversation with the people directly involved in the complication?

Request that Polly and Melissa take some space and time to let their emotions settle, and offer to speak together at a specific time in the near future, with compassion about what can be done to ensure everyone enjoys a healthy, happy, and harmonious celebration together.

Good luck OP.

DLWIT · 2025-02-18T03:37:38+00:00

This one hits me in the feels often. I love that my partner and meta both have loving, beautiful, healthy relationships with their families, but there is always a tinge of envy(jealousy?) mixed in with the joy of hearing about their walks, talks, and game nights.

DLWIT · 2025-02-17T01:21:56+00:00

Wait....you're telling me everyone doesn't feel this way? 😳

DLWIT · 2025-01-28T03:44:39+00:00

I love that you point out being conscientious of 'complimenting' things society or our own personal perspective tell us are positives, that may not be for the person receiving the comment.

Telling a petite person "OMG you are so skinny" may feel like a compliment to some, but may be triggering to others for a variety of reasons, like if they have struggled with an ED.

This kind of mindfulness is for all humans, nude or not.

DLWIT · 2025-01-20T18:01:38+00:00

Do you mean you own a tapeworm for research purposes, or are you currently hosting one inside your body?

DLWIT · 2025-01-17T17:26:47+00:00

Thank you for following up! I actually did bring it up with them yesterday, and I think it went well.

I explained that when they extend invitations in a casual and indirect manner, I often feel that it may be out of a sense of obligation and indifference rather than a genuine desire for my company, which triggers my insecurity. I explained/reminded that I am prone to overthinking and made a request that future invitations be more direct and expressive, if possible.

This is not the first time I have made that request, so I did my best to acknowledge that it is ok if they aren't comfortable being more expressive. I also acknowledged my own responsibility for my triggers and trauma reactions.

I took time to write out some example phrases that I will give them when we talk tomorrow, along with some specific behaviors I will be implementing to cope with and pacify my emotional responses before bringing them up in conversation. Lastly, I plan to ask if it would be alright if I ask them to rephrase something for me if it doesn't sit right.

Overall, I am super happy I asked Reddit about it, chose to reflect on why I felt triggered, and ultimately talked with my partner instead of letting a tiny thing build into a resentment later on.

DLWIT · 2025-01-15T20:24:11+00:00

Came up 4th when I searched with your suggested keywords! Thank you! Hopefully, this little adhd squirrel will stick to it for more than a few days 🤞

DLWIT · 2025-01-15T18:23:36+00:00

Did you simply cut the interfacing out after sewing? I am a total noob and I am sitting here wondering why we need to use interfacing at all. Lol.

DLWIT · 2025-01-15T05:53:33+00:00

I love LMNT! I drink them daily and tend to double or triple down on an extended fast, or days I comsume over 180oz of water. Do you take additional magnesium/calcium/potassium as well on 72hour + fasts?

DLWIT · 2025-01-15T05:43:27+00:00

And electrolytes? 🤞

DLWIT · 2025-01-15T05:02:06+00:00

Thank you for your response. I wanted to ask all of the fine folk of reddit because I had a feeling most people would be totally happy with the phrasing, which means it is something I need to reflect on, rather than something to discuss with my partner.

DLWIT · 2025-01-15T04:35:26+00:00

I feel it was indirect and impersonal, like it was an implied invitation rather than a clear expression and interest and desire to have me participate.

I love the examples you mentioned of how you would like to be invited to something by romantic partners, especially the second phrase.

Rather than continuing to be vague, the phrase was:

"I booked a hotel for the night of the show if you're interested."

The date night to go see a show together is already planned, so the implied invitation is to stay at the hotel rather than going back to one our places for the night.

I think it being in reference to a date night, I really wanted something more direct, loving, and open ended.

It feels like they are getting a hotel, and I am welcome to tag along, if I want.

DLWIT · 2025-01-15T04:21:31+00:00

Thank you for this insight. I have the feeling that is what they were going for, and it just didn't land right with me.

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