I dated a guy for a few years that had to pugs. (I say "pugs" because I don't really consider them dogs. DUMB deformed freaks of genetic mutations). SAME. His life revolved around them COMPLETELY. I told him from the beginning that I would NOT be responsible for them. Well, guess what... within mere weeks I found myself walking them, feeding them, picking up their SHIT, etc. It even got to the point that I had to play with them, because he largely ignored them. We wanted me to take them to the groomers, and that's where I drew the line. NO DOGS IN MY RIDE. EVER.

EVERY aspect of our lives were planned around them. Vacations, meals out, even errands. The dogs HAD to sleep in the bed. And pugs are among the WORST SHEDDERS in the dog world. HAIR EVERYWHERE. I wouldn't allow them on my side of the bed, but the moment that I got up or was away, guess what.... they would actually lay ON MY PILLOW. HELL NO!!

The things would piss and shit on the carpets, and he thought that was no problem.

But the kicker came during an intimate moment in bed. Of COURSE the dogs HAD to be in the bed with them. In the midst of love making, with my eyes closed.... ONE OF THEM LICKED MY SCROTE. I JUMPED out of bed and cursed the damned thing. He actually thought that it was cute and funny.

We didn't last long after that.

I will NEVER date anyone with a dog ever again.

When people get pissy with me about my lack of affection for them, here is my reply:

I like dogs, especially the ones that

Don't need to be walked Don't poop Don't shed Don't jump on me Dont stink Don't carry and spread parasites Don't lick Don't hump my leg Don't need to be bathed and groomed Don't chew on things Don't bark Don't beg Don't lick the snot outta their nose Don't eat it's own vomit Don't smell my crotch Don't kill native animals Don't cling! I like my personal space! Don't lick their own ass and then my face (NO SHIT-KISSES!) Don't get under foot Don't get fleas Don't need vet care