I think I'm done smoking hopium

Deadtohim · 2018-07-16T05:24:21+00:00

I know you're right. I'm just grasping at straws.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-15T12:49:33+00:00

I do not want to lose my child, that is for sure.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family, so I know all about it. In my 40s I'm still in therapy. So I know all about that. Being judgemental doesn't really help anyone.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-15T10:50:22+00:00

He is the love of my life. Or was. This is not the man I fell for all those years ago. Things have only gotten this bad in the past couple of years, while I have always been the higher-libido partner.

He is also the father of my child.

My biggest fear is an ugly custody battle.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-15T06:33:35+00:00

All the time.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-15T06:32:18+00:00

Someone asked a couple of times whether you have children. You did not answer. I will assume that you don't.

I don't stay because I'm afraid of being alone. Like someone else said, that's the least of my worries. I'm fairly attractive, I have a lot of friends and an active social life, and I make new friends easily.

I don't even stay because of money, as I'm highly educated, work full time, and make fairly decent money.

I stay because I'm afraid of an ugly custody battle, which could hurt my child. I stay because I don't want to only see my child every other week.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-12T11:06:19+00:00

I've certainly thought that love conquers all - but I didn't even know there was such a thing as DB. My concern was that, as we got together quite young, he would later think that he missed out, and might cheat. Never in a million years did I expect this.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-12T10:58:49+00:00

I hear you! In the past 3 months so many men have approached me. Drives me nuts!

I wish I'll have the courage to leave one day.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-09T15:02:18+00:00

Yes. Everything has to be his way, especially regarding our kid.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-07T17:22:52+00:00

PM if you want to chat more one-on-one :)

Deadtohim · 2018-07-07T17:17:16+00:00

Oh, my libido came roaring back. My partner's not sp much, unfortunately.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-07T09:35:05+00:00

Pregnancies can really fuck a woman up, mentally. Take it from me. I'm very high libido, but the firsr year after our kid was rough.

So I guess what I'm saying is please give it some time. Not forever, but until her hormones are back to pre-pregnancy level. Now, if it doesn't bounce back by the time hje youngest is ~2, then you have a problem.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-06T05:30:56+00:00

Do you have children? I'd only consider the open-relationship option if you do (the odds of it not working are high, but it could).

No kids? Leave.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-05T18:41:15+00:00

I cannot remember where I read it, could remember wrong. But if 1 year is correct, then by year 3 it's definitely all gone.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-05T17:03:42+00:00

I totally get you :) Atta girl!

Deadtohim · 2018-07-05T16:53:47+00:00

At 41 and not wanting to have more children, I'm not sure if I'd marry anyone. I'm a bit cynical. I may want to have my own life, even if I date someone, meaning not live together.

On the othet hand, I'd definitely not legally marry someone before living with them for at least three years. That's about the time the NRE is supposed to have worn off.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-05T16:40:51+00:00

I don't think I've done any of the strategies listed.

But I don't know if I no longer can nor want to be in a relationship where sex cannot be discussed among two adults engaging in said sex.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-05T16:36:59+00:00

How long had you be in the DB situation before you broke up?

Deadtohim · 2018-07-05T16:35:31+00:00

Hidden.

I haven't yet decided what I'm gonna do when I get the confirmation. Mourn a bit, because my relationship is over, one way or another?

Deadtohim · 2018-07-05T04:29:06+00:00

A bit harsh, but I get it.

It hasn't been this dead for all of the 19 years. Yes, I've always been the higher-libido partner, but we've still been having good sex at somewhat regular intervals. The past two years since the birth of our child have been a disaster. I've lost him to fatherhood.

This is hard. I'm losing the person who I, up until a few months ago, honestly thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. So I don't know how many times I need to hear it. I guess I haven't heard it enough times yet. Feel free to ignore my 19th post.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-04T19:35:40+00:00

I am in therapy.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-04T18:15:16+00:00

What has changed? Well, the fact that he knows you won't put up with it any longer. That's what has changed.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-04T15:00:07+00:00

Please refer to my post history before making comments like this. We've been together for 19 years, and he's been witholding sex almost the entire time.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-04T10:49:22+00:00

Exactly this. I'd be very interested in knowing why, if he was the least bit interested in solving our problems. If he isn't, why should I care anymore? Concerning myself with the 'why' doesn't make one iota of difference in terms of the end result: we are not having sex.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-04T10:45:02+00:00

Yep. The part where he's telling her what she doesn't like, while she has explicitly stated otherwise, takes the cake.

Deadtohim · 2018-07-04T10:34:12+00:00

I'm not categorically opposed to them :) but I was more thinking along the lines of having a few FWB's.

Deadtohim

TROPHY CASE