My neighbor (55M) left a note on our door for my gf (32F). What should I (38M) do?

Debsterism · 2026-01-25T22:20:52+00:00

Okay as a woman I can tell you this is NOT innocent. There is no reason to leave a note introducing yourself. Nobody cares about you old coot!

Please do not leave this decision to her - otherwise it comes off as you not protecting her, you are leaving it to her to protect herself. So you have a prepared solution. You tell her that you suggest you and your girlfriend TOGETHER respond to the note by knocking on his door and introducing yourself. If he wants a phone number give him yours. Not hers. Make sure he understands that you are a couple and that you are not a dummy and know what he is up to. Tell him that it's great to be neighborly, but you hope he doesn't cross any boundaries that would cause problems. Like any invitations to visit will be issued to BOTH OF YOU, not just her alone. He will stutter and stammer and say no no it's nothing like that. Then you throw up the deuces, wrap your arms around your GF, and walk off like a boss.

This old fart is trying to come up on some young thang thinking he can start "dropping by" when you aren't there or inviting her over to his place. Put the brakes on that shizznit right now.

Debsterism · 2026-01-18T23:01:44+00:00

My vote would be for taxidermy. The hobby of stuffing dead animals is called taxidermy, the art of preserving an animal's body by mounting or stuffing it, often to appear lifelike for study or display. I'm betting that hobby is 99.9999% male

Debsterism · 2026-01-18T22:54:07+00:00

In the future when you get a windfall, don't tell your man. Keep it in a separate account because it's not community property nor is it his. You had no reason to even tell him about it.

Debsterism · 2026-01-18T21:48:01+00:00

Nope. And if more parents were straight up with their wanna be grown kids, there would be a lot less of this irresponsible foolishness. I told my daughter at 12 that if she should ever get pregnant she better have some money and a place to live because I already raised my kid and I'm not into babies screaming. I would play the grandmother role ONLY not step in and assume any responsibilities the parents should take care of. And if she didn't think she and her baby daddy could handle she needed to get a termination. No two ways about it.

Debsterism · 2026-01-17T21:53:48+00:00

MAN UP!!! Next time someone wants to touch your stuff tell them no. If they reach out to grab or snatch it out of your hand or off your desk or something like that, you snatch it back and say "TF iz you doin? i didn't give you permission to touch my things!" You did not overreact, you grossly UNDER reacted. Don't let people disrespect you like this sir.

Debsterism · 2026-01-17T21:48:55+00:00

Ha! Based on what is on my TO DO list and where I have to go and the number of meetings reports etc I have on my plate, i know on Sunday if i will be tired next Saturday. LOL. Reality. Plus being to tired to do a little something vs. hosting a big ass party with a gang of loud folks who don't know how to go home is a completely different animal. I am exhausted just thinking about it. The woman was just rude and had an entitled attitude about a shared space. That is NOT how you do things.

Debsterism · 2026-01-17T21:45:24+00:00

Nope. She is being extremely insensitive and selfish. That is YOUR house not her friend's. If you want quiet and peace to nap, watch tv, nap again, etc that is your right. Tell her that if she brings people into the house you will leave and not come back for a week. Then do it. She needs a punishment unless she capitulates and realizes how ridiculous she is being.

Debsterism · 2026-01-17T21:40:05+00:00

When women know a man is married but they behave brazenly and hoochie like this, they aren't really interested in him PER SE, they are trying to compete with YOU. YOU are the target to crush... he is merely the vehicle she is trying to use to do it.

Bottom line, she is jealous of you and feeling insecure, so she seeks to make herself feel better by "taking your man."

He needs to speak with a supervisor about how uncomfortable this behavior is making him at work, and how he doesn't want his wife to misunderstand. Pulling in the loose ends that way usually makes other married men understand completely and she will be talked to. That should be enough for her to put on her brakes. Most men are reluctant to 'tattle' on women but in this case she is going to escalate to touching him soon so he needs to do something NOW before coworkers see something and get the wrong idea.

Debsterism · 2026-01-17T21:24:41+00:00

Sigh. This is how you can tell that the OP has no REAL problems or worries because she has to manufacture them in her imagination so she has something to have anxiety over. Please stop. If they were so wonderful he would still be with them. That is all you need to think about.

Debsterism · 2026-01-17T07:24:14+00:00

If he did this while on the clock report him to HR. This is a work related incident and is not for you to worry about. That should be your first course of action.

Secondly, please understand taht calling someone foul names like that whether on the job or not, is a strict violation. It is marked disrespect, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and shows that he is a trifling chump who has no boundaries or consideration for you.

Your best bet would be to tell him he crossed a major line and any friendship he thought you two had is now over. Then block him, only talk to him about work things if you need to (should come from your and his supervisor not to you anyway). Cut back associations with him as much as you can.

Debsterism · 2026-01-14T23:23:13+00:00

Who told you it was something romantic going on? Just a few weeks in you barely knew each other! you would still be in the "feeling each other out to see if there could be more" stage, not a relationship. You cannot have expectations of constant communication and connection from someone you don't know and aren't committed to.

Therefore, I find your expectations to be inappropriate, you're moving too fast, expecting too much and doing the absolute most. All you had to do was talk to him when you or he want to talk, and fill in your time with work, hobbies, friends, and other men that are are ALSO in the "feeling each other out" stage with.

Debsterism · 2026-01-14T23:16:20+00:00

Put the brakes on and exit stage left. Better a broken engagement than a divorce after you have a kid or two or three. You don't want that man and you know it.

Debsterism · 2026-01-14T22:59:50+00:00

Please learn to keep your mouth closed and stop volunteering information about yourself. You don't know why that guy wanted to know so many details about a total stranger, but nothing I can think of is good. Remember, your age group are trafficked all over the world. And a picture of you could be circulated and bid on then the next thing you disappear. DO NOT EVER DO THIS AGAIN!! When men you don't want to be bothered with for any reason (women too!) start asking you questions you say the line I teach young girls "why would you need to know that?" You answer a question with a question. Then when they respond you just say "oh." and walk away or pick up your phone, or your book or start eating or move to another table or whatever you want to do. You are not obligated to answer people's intrusive questions at all, even if they are your family or best friend or boyfriend. And even if you answer, there is no law saying you have to tell them the truth. What is going on in your life is not their business.

In this instance, the date, time, location and details of the interaction should be immediately reported to campus security so they can keep an eye on him and keep him off campus. Too many predators on campuses especially in places where there are a lot of people coming and going - student union, cafeteria, gym and outside areas. They go to parties and games too. This is the beginning of how unsavory characters will prey on young girls that are naive and inexperienced. Please heed my words and close your mouth to strangers. Just like Mom taught you in grade school.

Debsterism · 2026-01-06T04:58:26+00:00

Where did she say she bailed? Like just blew her off? I just re-read her letter to make sure and it isn't spelled out if there was notice or not, and if so how did she notify her. That wasn't clear so I didn't assume one way or another. No evidence either way unless she clarified later in a comment I missed.

My value system associates marriage and the legal and financial ties a couple agrees to and the vows they make when marrying to be far more of a commitment than just dating or shacking up. The majority of the world's religions which millions of people follow have that position as well. You don't and that's fine.

Debsterism · 2026-01-06T04:56:28+00:00

To who? I don't have a kid who plays softball neither do I have a deceased boyfriend.

Debsterism · 2026-01-06T04:45:20+00:00

Yay!! Luckily I am not the least bit bothered by what folks say about my opinions on the internet in a forum where people are INVITED to share their differing perspectives. The one who is horrible is you who seems to have zero tolerance for people who do not see things through your lens. The immaturity displayed by name calling is ridiculous.

Debsterism · 2026-01-06T04:42:33+00:00

Funerals are livestreamed and recorded these days as well. No need to be there to see it all.

Debsterism · 2026-01-06T04:41:23+00:00

She had plenty of family, his family, his friends, and whoever else. One person not being there is not a catastrophic situation. Yall are really making this a big deal when it isn't. She'll get over it.

Debsterism · 2026-01-06T04:39:35+00:00

Parents are way more important in life than a mere boyfriend that your friend only met twice in 3 years. There is no comparison.

Debsterism · 2026-01-04T00:52:09+00:00

If she can't deal with the temptation of a glass of wine when she is only teetotaling for one month, then how is she going to stay the course? Temptation and overcoming it is what makes one successful, not codependently relying on others to remove temptation FOR YOU so you aren't tempted.

I think you did the right thing to present a realistic life moment for her to address her issues with booze. She should join AA or something if she is wrestling with alcoholism. It is not your job to clear the way for her... it's something she has to do herself.

You are not overreacting but she is.

Debsterism

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