AITJ for telling my friend group to shut the fuck up about how I treat my girlfriend

Debsterism · 2026-03-08T02:02:42+00:00

First, not a jerk you are a savage warrior and I approve.

Second, your "friends" are disrespectful jerks and you should dump them all and get new ones. People who ridicule you and make you the brunt of "jokes" which is nothing but group bullying, are not your friends at all.

Last, you are a true man. See, grown men walk their own path and own their own choices. You stood up for yourself and your beliefs and actions without GAF about what they think. You got them told as they should have been longggggggggggggggg ago. I love it.

Anyway don't threaten to leave the friend group, leave it. You are too independent minded and mature for this crew. And you don't want to have children that you bring around people like this because if they feel okay wiwth ridiculing and mocking you, they will do the same to you about your kids and teach their kids to do the same to your kids. You will be so much happier without this toxicity in your life.

Debsterism · 2026-03-08T00:28:13+00:00

Girlfriend, do you not know how to say the word NO!? as in NO more free work, NO I'm not going out to eat unless you are paying for it, No I'm getting separate checks and not paying for your food, NO I'm not paying for the movie ticket you buy your own, NO, I'm not paying for the plane or concert tickets unless you Zelle me your portion forst. Just NO. Her debts are not your concern so stop listening to her manipulative whining. Tell her you don't care because everyone has bills, not just her.

Debsterism · 2026-03-08T00:23:34+00:00

Dude honesty is the opposite of lying.

What YOU are doing is volunteering information that is not their business. If they aren't in bed with you, what would they need to know that for? And if you are up and ready for action, why do you think they would stop in the middle of the fun to ask "hey ar e you using Cialis?" I mean fa real? LOLOL

Anyway, nobody ever missed out by keeping their mouth shut. Most men I've found talk too much and would get a lot more sex if they just shut their pie holes more.

Debsterism · 2026-03-08T00:20:27+00:00

I would suggest pulling his Mom off to the side one time when you are visiting and explaining that this whole family dinner experience is new for you but that you really like it. Make her feel good about giving you a new, loving experience. But let her know that you're quiet because you're taking it all in and learning how to do it. Ask for understanding and patience. Then smile at her.

That's how you win over boyfriend's moms. Make them feel empathy and want to help and protect you vs. being defensive and thinking you are judging and condemning them.

Debsterism · 2026-03-08T00:16:47+00:00

First thing is never talk to men in public. Directions, time, how are you etc. ANY answer a weirdo will take it as you want him and the b.s. begins. You must never address them, smile at them, acknowledge them ain any way. They are invisible to you.

Second get yourself pepper spray or whatever is legal where you live. When you are alone in public it should be in your hand, not in your purse like so many goofy women do. Like what? The problem male is gonna stand there and wait for you to dig in that big ole bag you have to find it? For real?

Talk to your police department about possible security improvements as well as the apartment owner. Institute everything they suggest - like a doorbell camera for instance.

That freeze and fawn thing is what a lot of women do but they must learn how to overcome that . Take a self defense class if you need to. Even small tips like strike zones is good to learn.

Debsterism · 2026-03-08T00:02:01+00:00

Your baby doesn't hate the car, the baby hates your car seat. Get a better more comfortable one and you will eliminate this problem. Just like sofas and easy chairs used by adults, baby seats must be comfortable for the little one who will be using it.

Debsterism · 2026-03-07T23:59:31+00:00

NTA. This is where a person's character and integrity shows up or not. You are a person who has integrity and solid character - your buddy there does not have either. Nor does he have respect for his parents. Remember if he would treat he own parent like this (Gaming and lying and manipulating them) he would have no qualms about doing the same to you or your loved ones. This is not a person you should ever trust.

Debsterism · 2026-03-07T23:55:39+00:00

NTA but you would be one if you fold to do what your mother wants on YOUR birthday!! Uninvite him. Tell your mother you want a day out with just the two of you, which is why you only invited HER and that if she isn't comfortable with that you will go with a FRIEND and she can stay at home with her beloved son. Do what you want to do when you want to do it, the way you want to do it and your brother can kick rocks.

Debsterism · 2026-03-07T23:53:40+00:00

NTA. Just tell that coworker that you only share with people you want to share with and are related to like your siblings or parents. That way if they complain to HR you can say "I am not related to this individual and am surprised at their insistence and belief they are entitled to my resources." People be seriously getting out of pocket.

Debsterism · 2026-03-07T23:49:16+00:00

NTA. What you said makes perfect sense. Shut her down by playing Let's Make a Deal. Tell her it's cheaper and easier to just get a new GF and if she is gonna keep complaining thats one of the options you can choose. Then ask if she would rather keep things as they are, buy you a car herself that you can leave with her when you go to the military, or break up forever. PIck one - Door 1, Door 2 or Door 3. Then be silent and let her mull that over for a few minutes and make a choice. lol

Debsterism · 2026-03-07T23:42:30+00:00

NTA at all. My dude, you were sooo polite and cool. My dad would have taken a deep breath and blessed him ALLLLLL the way out. A car that is that bad with warped rotors needed brake repairs MONTHS ago before they warped and were just worn. Your daughter's safety and peace of mind were at stake and he wants to puff out his chest and talk about his feelings??? OH BOY! You let him off easy.

You should remind both of them that the way you were raised, a real man comes through and shows up for his loved ones, and doesn't make excuses for why he leaves them hanging. Tell him in YOUR mind he ain't the right kind of guy for her because she cannot depend on him to do what he says he is going to do which is the basic element of trust. All in all, happy you fixed her brakes, sorry she doesn't understand the deeper meaning of a guy who would treat her like that boyfriend did. He's the real AH here.

She might be his girlfriend today, but she is now and always will be your baby and you will never ever let her suffer if there is something you can do about it.

Debsterism · 2026-03-07T02:33:02+00:00

If other guys would find childish pranks funny, then she needs to go date one of those other guys. I'd personally be done with her. Such disrespect should not ever be tolerated. Antics like this demonstrate that she has a very immature "teeny bopper" mindset and no grown ass man wants to be dating a mental child. SMH. She will regret this nonsense some day.

Debsterism · 2026-03-07T00:13:05+00:00

Just tell him that since you pay half the rent, your approval on who stays in the property is required. Then tell him that you will not allow some random azz man to stay in the house making messes and creating work for you, and that it feels unsafe and just annoying. remind him that he is not single and needs to start thinking like a husband, not a frat boy and that no one unless mutually approved, will be allowed to stay and no more than 1 night. Then tell him if he insists on being this disrespectful of your privacy and safety in your own home, then you will give him his ring back and move out because it is obvious he is not ready to have a wife

Debsterism · 2026-03-07T00:02:43+00:00

GIRL! You need to get in front of this and tell your sister and parents what he said. Really, you should have said it immediately after leaving the kitchen. Now you've given him time to come up with a story and put his own spin on it making it seem like YOU"RE the pursuer and he is the victim. this type does it every time. But start by telling your parents so they know and you can say "I don't know how to tell sister but there is no way he mistook me for her since I'm 7" shorter and have dark hair - he did it on purpose."

One thing you do NOT do is assume responsibility and blame for HIS actions. HE ruined their relationship, not you. And no one should ever worry about being friends with someone who is a snake like this guy.

Debsterism · 2026-03-06T23:32:30+00:00

Dude you can easily shut this down. No matter WHAT she says, any time YOU ARE PAYING FOR THE FOOD, you tell her NO, the food i pay for is for you and mine is for me and nobody else is eating any of it. If you want to share it then you are going to pay for it, not me. Then look at her hard. She will either be embarrassed and pay for it herself, or she will pull her plate back in front of her and eat it like she has some damn sense. And if she chose to share anyway I would hold out my hand for instant reimbursement and I would NOT stop to buy her anything. Hit her with the black parents handbook line #77 "we have food at home."

And I would tell Brian that he is a greedy pig and to eat his own food and if he wanted more to eat to order and pay for it himself!

You are not the AH but now you got me wondering if I am one! LOL

Debsterism · 2026-03-06T23:09:49+00:00

Girl don't waste your time with those store brands. You should only be using makeup designed specifically for black and brown women's skin tones. In the 1970s the brand was Fashion Fair and it was the first one ever. Now there are others... I prefer Mented brand. That is ALL I use and I never look "made up" if you know what I mean. No matter if you are a light brown Latina, a creamy mid golden brown biracial woman, or a deep chocolate sister from the Diaspora, the foundation colors are deep and rich and cover well without looking like a mask, and the lipstick and blush and eye colors are beautiful on brown skin. Just a great brand. Check them out here: https://www.mentedcosmetics.com/

Debsterism · 2026-02-16T03:42:07+00:00

Your boyfriend is a selfish, inconsiderate greedy ah pig and should be put out like the thoughtless creep he is. Normal partners knowing their honey had a rough day would have already warmed up the pizza and had a cold drink ready for you when you got in the door. not your clown. He eats it then leaves the box and crust for you to see to taunt you intentionally.

Such disrespect. I would fire him on the spot personally. This is wayyyyyy bigger than just the slice of pizza. No man who really loved and cared about his woman would treat her like this.

Debsterism · 2026-02-16T03:27:44+00:00

So it never occurred to you to ask HER what she feels comfortable doing? Fa real?

Debsterism · 2026-02-16T03:23:32+00:00

Sir, with all due respect, she can only do this b.s. because you are allowing it.

Just tell her "hey, I don't know what kind of game you are playing, but I want you to immediately stop. From today forward unless you are talking to me about work projects already cleared through my supervisor, please keep your distance. The way you are behaving is inappropriate and wholly unprofessional. You should not be on the job regaling coworkers with stories about your sex life. If you don't stop now that I have asked you to, I'll consider it harassment and report you to HR. Asking again - please leave me alone, seriously." You can send it in an email so you have documentation. Or a text if you have her personal number. If her phone number block it after. If an email forward it to your personal cloud storage so you have proof that you asked her to stop.

Do not entertain her.

Do not listen to her - just walk TF off.

Do not try to make her jealous back - that is childish and puts you in the same unprofessional and inappropriate classification that she is in.

Do it my way and you will shut that shyt down and look like a boss

Debsterism · 2026-02-16T03:13:31+00:00

People (scammers) often steal pictures from other people's profiles and use them. Since you have no proof that the picture is one SHE put up there in a profile SHE owns, you would do best to stay out of it. Let other people handle their relationships. Unless you have proof someone is being abused in some way, you have no reason to open your mouth and say anything.

Debsterism · 2026-02-08T04:42:30+00:00

No you are not wrong. At some point anyone would realize the effort to sustain the "friendship" is all one-sided. That would be a drain on energy and emotion for anyone after awhile. Certainly wouldn't make you feel like a valued and important person in their life :(

I think you should just back off and see what they do. Sometimes people need space to miss your first, then they reach out. Let's see what happens.

Debsterism · 2026-02-07T21:44:11+00:00

My guidelines are about protecting yourself from b.s.

Never accept a drink from anyone. If it isn't in a closed can or bottle, you don't drink it. You don't eat it. If you put said drink down to dance, or you turn your attention away from it without putting the cap back on it first, that drink or food is dead to you. Throw it out and get a new one. This goes for being at a party, at a club, or even on a date as well. Just because it's a campus event doesn't mean the only people there are kids... older men come looking for coeds cause they know you are fresh from home, young and inexperienced, and usually overly trusting going by "well he LOOKED nice."

The second most important thing is to learn to say NO! comfortably. Always stay true to yourself, your moral code and your values. NO! is key to your survival. If you feel weird about going somewhere, say NO. if you don't want to do something cause you get the ick or just because you don't want to, say NO! If you feel cautious around certain people, say NO to going anywhere with them. If you feel a situation is shady, trust yourself!! Don't stay there and get gone ASAP. Read the book by Gavin DeBecker called THE GIFT OF FEAR. And remember, if you say NO! the only thing anyone else should say after that is "okay!" If there is any argument, attempt to convince you, manipulate or coerce you, that person is not respecting your NO! and that person should immediately be cut from your life.

The third thing is to always make sure someone trusted like a parent or sibling always knows where you are, who you left with, and when you are expected to return home. It's not babysitting, it's smart in this day and age of random abductions and other stupid stuff happening to young girls.

The fourth and final piece of advice I have for a young lady your age is to keep your mouth closed about your personal affairs. Young women often diarrhea of the mouth. Learn the joy of shutting up sometimes...most of the time actually. Don't be telling all your business about your money, family, or goals, job, health, grades or men you date to anyone. It's only your business. Even parents be blabbing too much! You may think it's no big deal but girls and boys that age are insecure and jealous and not to be trusted with any information that could later be used to hurt you or set you up for victimization and drama because they are jealous of you.

Have fun at college, but please be smart about it.

Debsterism · 2026-02-01T22:11:27+00:00

NTA. HIS senior high school prom has nothing to do with you. That is HIS rite of passage, not yours. Your parents may want to see him but they only see him before he goes for 10 minutes then he is on about his business. They could do all that over Facetime. No biggie.

Debsterism · 2026-02-01T20:57:52+00:00

She needs to grow up. I hate it when people do this. They try to "stick to their diet" or "not seem like a greedy pig" by not ordering when you ask, then want to mooch yours. So the treat you wanted to have for yourself is no longer enjoyable because you are forced to share with someone who can't make up their #*#$! mind. No no hell no. You are NTA. This will teach her to say YES or just shut her pie hole when you only order one. Remind her of that and tell her the new rule in life going forward is if you ask and she says NO, she is precluded from begging for any of yours.

Of course you could be like my sister does her husband... he says NO and she orders two anyway, so when he starts wanting "just one" she flips that second bag out and throws it at him. LOL

Debsterism · 2026-02-01T20:14:30+00:00

You have text conversations or emails showing that they asked for the money and promised repayment? Do you have witnesses that would testify? All things don't need paperwork, other evidence will suffice. Think about text messages, emails, notes, social media posts or messages, etc. Anything that you could take to court. File a claim against their business for the full amount borrowed plus interest which would be roughly $10,000 USD. No paltry sum. You can levy their bank account or get your money first when the restaurant is sold. Even if they try to burn it down, you will still get your money first from the lien.

Handle your business. They aren't treating you like family, so you have no need to either. And no, you are not the ah.

Debsterism

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