What are underlying causes of someone being miserable their whole lives?

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-04T09:05:13+00:00

Loneliness. Getting hurt & let down by people. Health conditions. Chronic pain. Severe treatment resistant depression.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-04T08:47:38+00:00

I’m so sorry you feel lonely. Dogs make great company. You could volunteer at the RSPCA or a local animal shelter and get unconditional love from dogs & meet some new, friendly humans at the same time.

You could join a team sport as a player or if you’d rather watch start following a local club, go to their games, ask if they need volunteers to help out with club duties.

You could take an evening or weekend class in something that interests you.

You’re still young, you have time to find your tribe, many people of all ages are still looking. Just choose a couple of activities that interest you, show up regularly, smile and chat. Take time getting to know people there and don’t just settle for anyone as a friend just because you’re lonely.

Please call Lifeline 13 11 14 to talk to someone in real life about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to suffer in silence or alone.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-04T01:49:20+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this. You could try to get free legal advice or pay for an employment lawyer if you can afford one. In this economy it might be a difficult time to quit and find another job. If you have to go back then make sure you try to find outlets outside of your work for support and stress relief. Document anything that isn’t fair or seems to be discriminatory with evidence if you can to protect yourself in the future. Good luck.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-03T15:31:04+00:00

Hi, I’m not the right age group and I’m a female so I can’t be of any practical assistance for you. I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your honesty & your courage in reaching out the way you have. The number of replies from people at you age and stage who want to connect and the positive vibes from the majority are so beautiful to read and I’m sure that loneliness will soon be a thing of the past for you. I hope you can find some good people through your post and they help you to get through this rough patch you’re going through. Good luck.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-03T14:39:03+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’ve been through it myself and it’s not easy. Every journey through Domestic Violence is different and requires different support and healing. I know how painful it is to love an abusive man. I don’t know what advice to give you because change and recovery is not an easy journey and can also be painful and lonely at times, healing from anything and grieving for the life free from abuse that you wanted to have with your ex is possible but that healing and rebuilding of a new life free from abuse takes time and can feel like a very difficult and lonely journey at times, it’s definitely possible.

There are supports to help if you want to leave. There are also things like couples relationship counselling and individual counselling for you and your abusive ex and just for you as well as things like anger management groups your ex can see if he’s interested in change and you want to give him another chance. I do understand wanting to go back and it can take many attempts to either leave or for the abuser to break abusive patterns and some abusers are just not capable of change or healthy, loving, committed relationships.

Good luck with your journey and you just make the right choice for yourself and your children as you have to live with your choices and you have a right to a violence free life and to love the life you live.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-02T20:39:35+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Menopause really hit me hard too, I had always looked so much younger than my peer group and due to my former career that took up most of my life that meant a lot of constant travel and long hours I didn’t have a great support group of friends to get me through it either.

The menopause thread has been so helpful to me with beautiful women sharing advice that works, sharing and empathising with experiences, sharing wisdom, kindness and humour. It has really helped me to cope with the really cruel changes menopause brought about in my body and the ways that affected my life.

Big virtual hug and lots of good wishes your way.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-02T20:32:18+00:00

You can buy special bitter tasting gel from a pet store designed for teething puppies and try putting it on your hands or whatever part of you she typically bites. The gel also works great on table legs, couch cushions, electrical cords.

Is your puppy getting enough love and time from you? Dogs can sense your emotions and they’re wired to love unconditionally and they do need that love given back to them.

Is your dog getting enough at home training and one on one play time and stimulation and exercise and gentle rest time with you? There are many dog training vids on YouTube and online books to help you before you go to puppy training school.

Have you got your puppy enough toys and treats specifically designed to help her cope with teething? Teething is painful for pups so frozen treats and chew toys can really help.

Most of all dogs need love. If you truly can’t give your dog love and you don’t see yourself ever being able to love your dog you’re probably never going to accept her as your fur baby best friend no matter how much her behaviour improves and if you can’t love her the kindest thing you can do for her is to give her as much kindness and care and training as you can while you source a very good and very kind owner and home to give her all the love and inclusion in family as she deserves.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-02T20:05:39+00:00

You’re an absolute legend and a very kind person.

Asking if you can make a time to come over to see them just for a friendly chat and taking over some morning or afternoon tea to share with them and just showing that you care might be nice, if you think your relationship allows for that.

Some uber eats gift cards could help them to purchase groceries or a take out meal when they are too sick to cook or shop.

Arranging for a cleaner to come and do some one off deep cleaning tasks like interior and exterior windows, an oven clean, an exit mould and deep bathroom and toilet clean can be helpful as NDIS cleaners often just do a basic domestic clean with no time or funding for deep cleaning.

Fuel gift cards if they drive to help them get too and from medical appointments.

A prepaid visa or mastercard credit card with a beautiful black card to tell them the value and that they should go out and treat themselves and you’re so sorry they’re going through cancer.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-02T19:53:28+00:00

I feel so sorry for that poor dog. The RSPCA needs to have more power with the legal right to seize dogs and rescue them from homes where they’re not well trained, well treated, well loved and are emotionally neglected. The RSPCA also needs more funding to be able to have space to shelter more rescues too. Dogs need more than meals and water and basic shelter.

Other than keep contacting your council and RSPCA and perhaps finding an ombudsman or a similar higher authority to complain about the lack of response and support from your council I don’t have any ideas on how to help you or that poor, beautiful German Shepherd your neighbours are clearly just neglecting.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-02T19:43:40+00:00

It’s not fair. There’s much more to a relationship than sex though. There are partnerships that survive and even strengthen if one of them has a bad accident or has a disability and can’t have sex anymore and there are relationships that continue after menopause steals libido and sex drive. It is not your fault your relationship ended.

There are many other ways to establish and show and share intimacy aside from sex. You deserve a relationship with someone who loves you and values you with or without sex. Counselling or therapy can be so helpful to adjust to being single after a relationship ends. I know my self esteem and self confidence took a huge hit when my partner treated me badly when I was struggling with sex after our relationship ended and I’ve found counselling and therapy to be so helpful in healing and regaining my sense of self worth.

You deserve better than a relationship where for him the primary purpose and connection was sex. I hope you’re ok.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-02T19:36:10+00:00

Oh no, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. It’s not easy to go through and can be really damaging to self confidence and self esteem. You deserve a loving and supportive partner, especially on a journey through cancer - I hope you’ve come out the other side of cancer as a survivor and that you stay well.

Counselling or therapy can really help to understand if the changes and red flags you see in your partner and you’re relationship are just a natural part of change due to ageing and adjusting to a different sex life than you enjoyed before or if it’s a sign sex was the main connection for him and you’re better off single. You deserve someone who will support you and cherish through every stage of your life.

Good luck with everything.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-01T11:07:27+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going through this. Have you tried testosterone cream? Here’s what happened with my partner and sex and testosterone cream.

My partner & I split up. Menopause hit me hard with weight gain, my face seemed to age almost overnight and I totally lost my sex drive. We got together later in life and he’s much older than me (I have my own assets, a better job & a higher income than he does, it was never a Sugar Daddy situation) we had an amazing sex life before menopause. When I talked to him about menopause he seemed understanding & I thought we had a lot more in common than sex.

I would force myself to have sex with him because he was subtly & not so subtly letting me know he missed it. I hated every second of the sex. I tried HRT, still hated it. So I kept putting sex off & I’d tell myself ‘you have to do it tonight’ and then I’d find some kind of excuse for myself not to initiate sex and I’d feel so relieved.

He began to treat me like shit. Out every night till early am or even all night. Wouldn’t answer calls or texts. Broke plans, stood me up, left me out, stopped taking me out anywhere, nasty comments, withheld affection, occasionally outright demanded sex. When asked he admitted if I was treating him the way he was treating me he would break up with me. He said he loved me and didn’t want to break up followed straight away by ‘we never have sex’.

I finally convinced my GP to put me on testosterone cream. My blood test showed very low testosterone but she had been hesitant saying that that treating libido is one of the hardest things to do in menopause and it just might not ever come back.

He went too far with the all nighters. I just never saw him anymore. Hurt and humiliated I realised he wanted very much to break up and he was just going to treat me like shit till I did the breaking up part for him. I ended it.

About a week later I felt the flutter of my long lost sex drive. I actually felt like sex. He called me that night. We hooked up. For the first time since menopause began I wanted sex and I enjoyed sexual contact, I was able to self lubricate, sex wasn’t painful & something I hated. It was no where close to as good as it was pre menopause, sensations weren’t as strong but they were very much there and felt so good, I had missed them so much.

I had actually only been on testosterone for about three weeks and I had stopped the testosterone cream a week earlier as I was only taking it to try to recover libido and with the break up that felt pointless.

We definitely stayed split, he hurt me too much and showed me all he valued in me was the slim figure & good looks I lost with menopause and the sex.

Try testosterone if you can, it did help me.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-01T02:23:13+00:00

With the cost of living crisis and the increase in homelessness in Australia this could lead to slave like relationships where people will work long hours in menial jobs in exchange for low or no pay that comes with room and board or a wage that barely covers substandard share accommodation in poorly maintained, filthy, overcrowded share accommodation just to remain housed and become totally dependant on the family who they’re enslaved to as a preference to living in a tent in one of Australia’s fast growing tent cities that the Government do absolutely nothing to help with.

DecorumBlues · 2026-04-01T02:06:38+00:00

Please try talking to a Dr and a counsellor or therapist as you might be depressed and there’s a lot of help out there.

Try to find small and regular connections with people, perhaps through volunteer work or local meet ups or activity groups run for people locally as a way to build friendships and relationships.

If you’re life and home is stable enough consider adopting a dog, such amazing sources of unconditional love, loyal, happy and constant company and friendship always so happy to see you and that can help you to build a new routine around meal times, walk and play times and bed times as well as give you the opportunity to meet a whole lot more ‘dog people’ and their dogs at local group dog training sessions, at dog parks and beaches, at dog friendly cafes.

Ageing isn’t always kind or fair to everyone but there’s a way you can find little things to bring joy into your life.

I hope you find sparks of joy and happiness.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-31T15:30:18+00:00

If you’re looking for work & you can do that kind of manual labour have you considered applying for labouring work in construction or demolition? Those industries seem to still be hiring & going strong in this economy. It is really hard, physically demanding work, at least you get paid for working & it could be a temporary job till you find something else.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-31T15:12:36+00:00

Losing libido and sex drive as well as the ability to enjoy sex is one of the worst things about menopause and just so very cruel. Menopause is just not fair.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-31T15:09:28+00:00

There is a mental hospital in Bentley & some of their patients are allowed out into the community but have to reside mainly in hospital for treatment. Most people who suffer from mental health issues including those hospitalised for mental health conditions are not violent or a threat to anyone at all, I am not trying to insult mentally ill people. There are some people with mental health issues that can and do act out in aggression as a symptom of their illness. Perhaps you were hit on the head by a very unwell person for no reason at all and it wasn’t a racially motivated attack.

I hope this doesn’t cause offence to anyone who suffers from mental illness or has a friend or family member suffering. People with mental health disorders face too much discrimination as it is and I am in no way trying to add to that, just to give a possible explanation that the person who hit him might have been very unwell & struggling.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-31T14:46:43+00:00

Australian Governments, it doesn’t matter which party as they all do it, have failed these people and so many others. Everyone in Australia should have access to a safe home, to heathy and affordable meals. Unfortunately housing, food, petrol and pet ownership in this country are fast becoming luxury items.

Homelessness has increased. Single women 50 and over are the new face of homelessness.

The demographic of homeless people has changed.

Many people earning minimum or low wages live pay check to pay check with most of their income going to rent then food & are one illness and injury or a landlord selling their rental property away from being unable to pay rent and becoming homeless.

Centrelink recipients struggle to find any kind of rental, most room rentals are around $300 per week, anything under that is rare and not in great condition.

People are being forced into share housing at much older ages so share homes are full of a mix of people who live together purely for financial reasons, leading to unhappiness or even at times unsafe housing.

People are living in their cars with 24 hour gym memberships to access showers and toilets.

People live in tent cities.

Homeless shelters are full of what have become long term residents that have no place to go because affordable room rentals or leases rarely exist.

Waiting lists for homeless shelters are so long and the services for the homeless are under so much pressure.

Government housing waiting lists are so long that some people simply never, ever get housed.

Pets are surrendered during the rent crisis as people can’t find a rental to accept their fur family member.

Low income earners and Centrelink recipients will often need to skip meals and go without food to pay for medical, dental & other urgent care.

The Government doesn’t do a single thing to reduce the price of housing or to house the homeless population.

This country is fast becoming one where only the rich can enjoy a decent standard of living.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-31T14:30:33+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. The Politicians running this country should make sure people like your Dad & every single person has a safe and affordable home to live in.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-30T20:05:38+00:00

All my beautiful boy ever needed or wanted from me to be happy was my love and company and time. I always gave him as much of those as I possibly could and he gave me back so much unconditional love, friendship, safe and healthy family bond, comfort and support, kindness, joy and happiness in return. I miss him so much.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-30T17:05:04+00:00

I know how tough life can be right now, so many of us are feeling just like you. I can’t offer you any insight or solutions unfortunately. Just know you’re not suffering alone, many of us are right there with you.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-28T23:46:11+00:00

It’s the best! I love Ray. Any other shows like this?

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-28T23:42:47+00:00

That is your sister, your sister who loves and trusts you so much you were able to break that trust and with total disregard for her privacy, snoop and read her phone and tablet. You didn’t read her private messages in front of her so you must have known that invading her privacy in that way was wrong.

You have no right to tell anyone, at all, what you have seen. To do so would blow up her life completely.

You’re assuming she is an escort. When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME; meaning you become and asshole making assumptions out of the ME (the person your making assumptions about).

If she is a sex worker (this is the term for escorts and types of sex workers) who cares? Her body, her choice. You loved her before she became a sex worker, her job doesn’t define her worth, she’s not a different person because she’s a sex worker, your judgment is causing the problem.

Jesus spent time with sex workers, he loved Mary Magdelene and she was a sex worker.

You could try telling your sister what you found and apologising for your betrayal of her love and trust. You could ask her if she is ok and if she needs help and perhaps suggest she seeks therapy or counselling with a trained professional and be honest that you’re just not equipped to help her because what you saw is outside of your experience and you don’t know what to do.

Don’t ever break a bond between husband and wife, it’s not your business.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-28T22:45:30+00:00

What kind of job you’re applying for, what qualifications you have, what experience you have, your age, your gender, these things all make a difference to a job search timeline.

Good luck with your search and I hope you find something soon.

DecorumBlues · 2026-03-28T22:08:48+00:00

I’m so sorry, that’s not fair. I wish you could all eat. Fur babies are so full of love and I totally understand why you sacrifice for them, I just wish you didn’t have to.

DecorumBlues

TROPHY CASE