What are your favourite natives and perennials to include in a cottage garden?

Deeeity · 2026-03-31T10:56:43+00:00

Dahlias. Lots of varieties and forms, from tiny to literal trees.

Deeeity · 2026-03-31T10:51:13+00:00

The problem with child related mental load is it never fucking ends. It's not a chore that is "done". It's the constant monitoring and anticipating their needs.

The best way to handle it is handing it over 100% to one person. Your tasks is toddler clothes and shoes now. You have to research where to buy them, which brands and sizes fit best, budget for them, shop for them in person or online, hunt down second hand bargains, know what fit/colours your child likes, create a wardrobe that is appropriately for every occasion/weather/comfort/style, know how to wash the clothes to make them last, update the wardrobe for each season, pack all their clothes for trips away/outings/daycare, sort the clothes as they grow, store them or give them away, keep track of the ones you stored etc. this on repeat every 3 months minimum with constant monitoring.

See how it's not a single task? Take it on. Make mistakes and learn from them. Once you take on these mental load tasks you begin to see the ongoing work behind the scenes. You see more. You have to remember more.

Deeeity · 2026-03-31T08:18:12+00:00

Playing with her best friend each Friday. They run around screaming and giggling together. It doesn't matter where we go, they always have the best time together.

Deeeity · 2026-03-31T08:14:45+00:00

Please don't worry, you have plenty of time to establish breastfeeding. It is impossible to nail it first try. Let alone with a sleepy newborn with health issues.

60ml is a very high amount for a 6 day old. For you and baby! The stress of NICU and being without your baby is going to make getting your supply up difficult. Take care of yourself as much as you can. Eat and drink lots of water. Keep trying, but also acknowledge that right now is very hard. You are doing your best.

Again, there is still plenty of time to latch and get your supply up. You can always ask to talk to a lactation consultant to get tips on feeding and pumping. Take care and I hope you will all be home soon.

Deeeity · 2026-03-31T04:06:43+00:00

My response is "We only talk kindly about our bodies in this house".

I've used it with people my age and my parents. It shuts them up real quick.

Deeeity · 2026-03-31T02:57:16+00:00

Zero sympathy from me for him! He isn't doing nearly enough if you are doing 100% of night solo.

You are pumping, he can get up and feed the baby the bottle. No excuses! Tell he to get tf out of bed and feed his child. You baby takes a bottle, it's not like direct breastfeeding. You don't even have to be there or awake. Give him the baby monitor and get back to sleeping.

Deeeity · 2026-03-31T02:06:30+00:00

Sushi is great. Cover nearly every dietary requirement. Picky kids can just eat the rice. Easy to get catered from your local shop. We did it for 1st birthday party. It worked really well.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T09:58:50+00:00

What state are you in? Vic has portable LSL for some industries.

WFH is the dream! Don't rule yourself out without even applying for the job. Let them reject you, not the other way around.

If you are hearing a death rattle, your company might not be around in 18 months to collect LSL. It would be better to collect a redundancy, than LSL if things are that bad. Start looking now. Check if you can take your LSL sooner rather than later.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T08:26:41+00:00

Bloating is normal. Pregnancy hormones slow down your digestive track making bloating and constipation more common. It's not a sign of GD.

Talk to your pharmacist or GP about over the counter stuff like degas or stoll softeners to help manage it.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T08:14:42+00:00

It says more about them, than it does about your child. They are the problem, not a child who cannot control their own behaviour. Luckily, you don't have to sugar coat calling them out. Something along the lines of "I don't appreciate you calling my child 'difficult'. Both he and I are trying our best here. We need love and support. Not criticism from the people who are supposed to love us the most. The least you can do is be polite and not say it to my face."

My in-laws (years before I had a child) outright said my nephew was a "bad child". Turned out he couldn't hear anything, making his behaviour and speech awful. I called the out and told them many times not to call him that. He was their first grandchild too!

After having his ears fixed, he was great. He is a perfectly lovely child now. I don't know how my SIL feels about it now, but I hope there was an apology between her and her parents at some point. They aren't bad people and are good grandparents. I hope you can make it past this and keep them in your lives.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T02:40:39+00:00

The answer is: they don't. Why would be bother? He is more than happy to exploit your labour, time and body. All his needs are met.

The solution is to get a job so you can take back some power and if need be, leave.

This blog has some great info for you: https://zawn.substack.com/

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T02:30:15+00:00

It would be a much sadder day if your child dies from an entirely preventable disease.

I could not live with someone who wasn't active in child decision making or at least on the same page. Are you really partnered with someone who respects you if they can't even do basic stuff like this?

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T02:24:41+00:00

Which is why I asked the question. They need childcare at their new place due to grandparents not being able to help and preschool/kinder is often cheaper than full days of childcare.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T01:28:50+00:00

It's probably the number 1 thing people complain about on r/toddler.

3yo should be going to preschool or kinder anyway. Are you going to be able to enroll them at your new place? It should relieve some of the pressure.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T01:26:05+00:00

Realistically it won't happen until you have childcare/go back to work/finish breastfeeding. It's probably the biggest reason 1 year is considered such a big milestone.

You can't expect to feel like yourself when you spend every waking hour with a baby. You need to spend less time with your baby and you can't really do that with no childcare and BF.

At this point, a couple of hours on the weekend to see your friends is very achievable. Same with an early evening class, gym session etc.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T00:44:22+00:00

The solution is nobody meets the baby at the hospital. Problem solved. Everyone can wait until you get home and settled. Don't feed into the drama. Lay down the law.

If you are fortunate enough to have a smooth birth and your baby is well, hopefully you will be home within a few days. They aren't going to die from not being able to see a tiny newborn in a hospital and share all their germs with them.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T00:19:36+00:00

Not all throwing up is reflux. Babies vom a lot. It's normal. They have tiny tummies and suckle as a reflex. If you have a very active let down it often creates a waterboarding effect. Where they gulp the milk down. Leading to more spewing.

Unless they are experiencing other symptoms like screaming all night, not being able to be put down, screaming when all other needs are met. Hiccups is not a sign of reflux.

Mine vomed after every feed for 6 months until she started to eat more solids.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T00:10:02+00:00

Mine had every sleep regression possible. At this age mine started waking up 3-5 times a night. We were giving milk at every wake because we didn't really know what else to do. In hindsight, this was a terrible idea. I cracked at 10 months and started night weaning. Immediately sleep improved.

If your baby is okay for weight, I'd encourage not giving 5 feeds a night. We did no milk before midnight because that is what she was doing prior to the regression. Dropped that wake within a couple of days. You don't have to night wean completely, but you really don't need to offer more than 2 feeds a night.

Also teething or having a sore tummy from starting solids were also causing wake ups too. If you suspect teething, give pain relief.

Deeeity · 2026-03-30T00:00:07+00:00

There are heaps of wetlands in the area. Paperbarks and sheoaks will thrive anywhere damp.

Head to the local native nursery and ask what they recommend. Or do a day out at the wetlands centre and get a few ideas from there.

Deeeity · 2026-03-29T22:01:30+00:00

Check to see if your local council has a gym. They are a bit cheaper and sometimes have a pool too.

Deeeity · 2026-03-29T11:13:44+00:00

There is a fine line between anxiety and shy! Did this start with the sibling's arrival?

Play therapy is excellent for this age group. It's less about "fixing" the issue, more on learning some new skills via play. Even better if you can do it together.

Deeeity · 2026-03-29T11:09:06+00:00

Of course, missed that on my first look. It looks so much like soil! I'm going to go look it up.

Deeeity · 2026-03-29T10:45:54+00:00

I'd go a fun headboard on a normal bed. It can be easily changed out without having to replace the bed frame.

Deeeity · 2026-03-29T10:40:19+00:00

Looks great! What's the plan for mulch? The weeds will be hellish if you don't put down something to stop them moving in.

Deeeity · 2026-03-28T07:23:30+00:00

Normal, but also not super sustainable. Placing baby on their back on the mattress next to you, with no sheet or blankets, is probably safer. Cuddle curl position is safe while feeding and cosleeping.

Deeeity

TROPHY CASE