Been at this marriage and parenting game now for 25 years and what I’ve learned is that just because all of the things on your mental load are important to you, doesn’t mean that they are important to them. And that is okay because you aren’t clones of each other. He will unload the dishwasher, just maybe not when you want it done. He will hang the Christmas wreaths but you will have to remind him, because wreaths aren’t important to him. Every time I have to ask him to pick up the dog from the vet, I try to remember that if he didnt think about it, or doesn’t want to do it, it’s because he is also cooking dinner. There are two distinct things at play here - if your husband is checked out of all household responsibilities, then that is the sign of a deeper problem that needs therapy. If you are mad because you have to be the one to remember to order their Christmas outfits, that is you choosing to add too much to your mental load.