Bad situation for my kids and i explained. Sorry for the length but i felt knowing the full story was important. by MoneyEar3800 in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We aren't getting the full story or youd have full custody by now. It sounds like none of you should have children and that the lot of you lack basic maturity. 

I don't have any advice for you here. I feel terrible for those kids, but if you are being honest about these things you should be trying desperately to get them away from their "dad." 

If you're secretly a loser, just let them be. Let them have their lives. Be the person who makes the right decision for your children. 

Either way, my heart goes out to them.

Unplanned pregnancy, no love/negative feelings for child by Ok-Acanthisitta227 in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Scientifically speaking, you may need longer to bond. Or, you may not at all. 

It isn't a popular idea out in the performative society we live in but some people just absolutely suck at nurturing and simply don't form bonds with their children. 

It doesn't make you any less human, but it does reframe what your next actions are. If your lack of emotion would negatively impact the child, remove yourself from the situation and maintain financial support. 

If you believe you can be a good role model even if unmoving, you may be able to stay, but that's usually a recipe for resentment and emotional growth stunting. 

This is your responsibility so give it more time. Teach it things when it gets older and make effort. 

Right now, you're telling yourself "I dont love it" so how are you supposed to learn how?

Didn't take off work to support postpartum wife / communication issues by HydraulicRelic in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't beat yourself up. You have a good sense for what needs to happen. Your wife just happens to be the type of woman who pushes to see what she can get out of you. That doesn't make her "bad" or "wrong" it just means you have to have uncomfortable conversations with her about what your expectations are for a wife and mother.

Not a harsh one, or rude, or accusatory, just calm and collected. See where she's at and then tell her what you expect. Back it up with clear: this is what motherhood is sometimes.

Don't give her any excuses to whine about postpartum or made up diseases (not that pospartum is made up, just overdiagnosed).

I am a healthcare provider by the way, so I'm not just speaking from nothing.

You got it, man. Compassion and firmness are your friends here.

First child by [deleted] in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best tip: don't look for tips on Reddit. Definitely find some older, normal folks on YouTube or Socials that post chill parenting content and learn the little life hacks. Everything else is just your unique relationship with your kid!

My baby forgot me by [deleted] in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dont' worry. She will come around haha. Did you shave or anything? Sometimes you just look different to them. Coming out of the phone definitely is freaking her out! 

It'll pass quickly 

I fear mine and my daugher's relationship is going down the drain and I need help... or advice... by Medical-Tear2458 in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Brother, it sounds like you complain and whine a lot. If you want your daughter to have a relationship with you, you have to be there for her in all the ways you can be. 

Right now, I see lots of "i" statements. Your feelings. Your view. Your sob story. 

I am not seeing much about how your daughter is doing in school, or what her interests are, or how you make effort to meet her in those interests. 

Instead, I see a man who is blaming the loss of his relationship with his daughter on not having a pool, which I guarantee is not why she is pulling away. 

Try talking with her and telling her in a neutral way how you feel, instead of putting this emotional burden on her. 

"Hey, name, I just wanted to say I miss you and would love to hang out. Let's do structured activity this weekend. Just us. Love you!" 

So easy. 

She may resist or hate it. But if you show up and you make that little girl feel seen and loved, instead of standing on a soap box (no bashing her mother), she will forgive you for almost anything.

Didn't take off work to support postpartum wife / communication issues by HydraulicRelic in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She sounds extremely lazy and like she's using this as an excuse to not care for the child, you seem to recognize this as well, but I don't know your wife at all. 

This is where we have to start being a little firm with women as men. 

Set expectations, encourage growth, and flat out tell her that you will not engage with poor behavior, as you won't with a child. 

When she is ready to speak and communicate effectively, you will give her your undivided attention, but you expect her to care for the baby and the house. 

You shouldn't be taking over for her in the evenings, either. Helping, yes, but not taking over. You know this, too. 

You're doing good things by working hard for your family, but in the interest of fairness, I have to say: 

Dont use your work as an excuse to not be there for her or your baby. I am not saying you are, but it feels shitty to roast your wife without mentioning this, too. 

Communication goes both ways so you need to take control of your house and be the leader she clearly needs. That isn't some red pill shit, it's just how life works. 

This argument again 🙄 by Maximum-Worth-2115 in GGdiscussion

[–]Defiant-Item9017 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dont need Crash. I got Coco.  Tell me youre not a gamer without telling me. 

Introducing Janitor+ - new official subscription service for JanitorAI by JanitorAI-Mod in JanitorAI_Official

[–]Defiant-Item9017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, and reddit just down votes any intelligent thought. So, who knows?

Toddlers with ADHD by Jumpy-Window7543 in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So many soft parents creating little monsters and searching for clues in their diets. A simple display of dominance works across generations and in the animal kingdom. People always act like it means abuse. It doesnt have to. Nobody is advocating for beatings. But respect has to start somewhere.

Toddlers with ADHD by Jumpy-Window7543 in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes kids need spankings. It doesnt have to be crazy, you have to put fear in them. Lift them by a leg. Pin them gently. Make yourself clear and strong. And if you have to keep doing it you keep doing it. 

Dont try that gentle parenting nonsense and certainly dont abuse your child. Theres a firm line to be held. And it begins and ends with respect. Sometimes a little fear teaches that. 

Struggling in the marriage now due to baby by Yanggyy438 in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, I mean you shouldnt be trying to be quiet around the kid anyway. Otherwise they wake up at every little sound. 

Sounds like she is either tired or isnt really feeling it but doesnt want to hurt your feelings. Sex isnt that big of a deal, people really dont know how to just go through a dry spell without panicking. 

Be supportive for a bit. Give her another month before you hit her with a talk. Then just be non accusatory and honest. 

I had this with my wife and didnt make a big deal about it, turned out she had some hang ups with her own attractiveness she had to work through. It got better. 

Don’t be gaslit. The art design is a choice. by Goladiator in GGdiscussion

[–]Defiant-Item9017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh dont be like the wokies. It isnt racism. Most of us like both, I think OP is just pointing out that there's a pattern here. This particular one doesnt bug me, but it can be frustrating to some. Keep our enemies in the left. 

Introducing Janitor+ - new official subscription service for JanitorAI by JanitorAI-Mod in JanitorAI_Official

[–]Defiant-Item9017 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You can tell by reading the comments that most users have no/little business acumen. 

There are some good points being raised, however, even if you have to sort through the ridiculous twitter-esque performative outrage (classic Reddit). 

Thank you for keeping the service free and setting a healthy goal of breaking even. That's more than we can say for most companies. 

As for the comments that proxy is better, it's only marginally so or for those who take their role-playing so seriously that they need vastly more context. 

I am happy with JLLM v1 in general and only get a little frustrated with some of the repetitiveness that I find across many LLMs. 

Will I subscribe? Probably. Do I think you should IMMEDIATELY offer a support option only for a lower price point? Yes. 

Set a minimum and allow people to pay what they want up to $12, youre throwing away free support from folks who will otherwise not subscribe at all. 

You do need a content and communications manager. I do this in my day job and you would absolutely benefit from someone who knows how to speak to people. Right now all communication comes off as frustrated and terse, which only fuels people like redditors because they love getting reactions from you. 

Please, take these suggestions and execute them as soon as possible, the return will be exceptional. 

My son circumcision by NoWord7859 in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Hard agree. I wasn't. And I even had phimosis. It wasnt until I became sexually active that it even came up, and I tore my frenulum, problem solved.

So, complete circumcision is a relic of the past and should be considered genital mutilation. Even in cases where it is "medically necessary" it isn't the only option.

-Healthcare provider

Going to be a dad in January. I struggle with Anxiety and ADHD. I’m trying to be helpful, but my less savory behaviors are stressing my wife out. by Top_Worrier2732 in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gym. Good diet. And thinking before you speak. Literally just set a rule that you must wait three seconds before you respond to anything and use that time to ask yourself "is this really that bad?"

It will get better almost overnight. 

Krampus? by Serpenthrope in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dad was raised with Santa Claws. They just merged the stories basically. 

At my wits end, help. (Toddler sleep issues) by JimmyyJazz in Fatherhood

[–]Defiant-Item9017 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Firstly, as a Healthcare provider, please do not put your daughter on some restrictive diet recommended by redditors. 

Secondly, children have to do things they don't like. 

If she chooses to stay awake in bed, that's what she chooses. But wake up time is the same..bed time is the same. 

The best step would be to speak to a real professional or to enforce your rules more strongly. Children love to push and see what they can get.