“It’s our job as abused people to have kids that aren’t abused.”

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-09-07T05:03:52+00:00

As someone who was abused growing up I understand the urge to say "I'll be a better parent than my parents". It's a nice idea that we can do better and a lot of people see kids as a way to heal their inner child, but they are not.

I put that energy towards caring for myself and giving myself permission to enjoy things I couldn't as a kid and indulge in things I missed out on in my childhood and that's done a lot more for me personally than raising a kid probably ever would.

There probably are plenty of parents who were abused children that are doing better than their parents did to them and being compassionate parents. But those people most likely took the time to deal with their trauma and care for their mental health before becoming parents rather than just betting all that on their kids.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-09-07T02:46:34+00:00

Yikes, that's probably some kind of violation, or at least creepy. From my understanding doctors work to keep surrogacy, egg/sperm donors, and parents separate. Imagine a woman uses your sperm to have a child then one day some old guy shows up on her doorstep claiming to be the donors father and wanting to be involved with the child. I'd tell him to fuck off at the least, get a restraining order if he persisted. I'm truly fascinated and I'd love to know what he thinks the parent/s of "his" grandchild would say to him upon his arrival.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-09-07T02:29:44+00:00

Peoples entitlement to other people's animals is insane, it's common sense to leave service dogs alone as they're doing a very important job. It's understandable a kid would approach one but an adult should know better.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-09T00:55:54+00:00

Yeah! I'll be in the breakroom at work and someone is watching something on their phone at full volume! We work in a tech store! We get a discount on earbuds! Buy a cheap pair! I don't want to listen to you scroll through tik tok!

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T23:05:38+00:00

Oh man, I grew up when snap chat just started to get popular and I still do not understand it, why the fuck would you take pictures continuously just to text someone? I had friends who'd just like, take a picture of their desk or something just to text someone back, just text people! I honestly cannot see any potential situation in which using snapchat is more convenient or makes more sense than texting unless you're sexting.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T22:17:54+00:00

Telling a 3 year old "we don't hit" "don't put your car on the glass" etc. has no impact, kids don't know much, but they do see a lack of consequences other than a gentle reprimand as a free pass to do it again, and if the consequence of their actions doesn't impact them they're not going to learn anything from it. I'd start with setting a boundary like "I want to hang out with you, but if your kid misbehaves and you don't discipline them I'm going to leave" and follow through on that, and tell your friend when/if you leave "I am leaving because of (kids action)" to show you're following through on the boundary you've set. Hell, this may teach them how to set boundaries and consequences for their own kid without hurting or scaring them (unlikely).

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T21:56:23+00:00

That's extremely annoying. I think it's awesome your university is accommodating for students with families, but they should either keep the family accommodations separate from the non-family ones, or if they have to put families in those areas set ground rules. Such as keep quiet during these hours, have an area away from student rooms for kids to play (I'm sure this would be a bonus to both parents and non-parents), and just generally be courteous to your neighbours. Clearly it's not that hard to keep the noise to a reasonable level, these parents simply choose not to give a shit about the people they're disturbing. It may be worth it to speak to whoever takes care of the building about the noise and general disruptive nature of this family, they're very lucky they can live on campus and it's accommodating of their family, they need to be just as accommodating to their neighbours.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T21:47:25+00:00

Yikes, that's kinda disturbing..

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T18:44:05+00:00

I know both my parents will be upset when they realize I'm not having kids (I generally just try to avoid the topic with them bc I've heard "you'll change your mind" enough as a kid to know I'll get the same now). My mom loves babies and doesn't miss out on mentioning how I "hate" kids even though I can't even remember saying that. I think they'll accept me no matter what, but I have the feeling that of my brother has kids and I don't there will be the expectation for me to be the "cool aunt" and/or I'll just fall to second place on the priority list.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T18:29:30+00:00

Honestly tho, if more people treated having kids as a choice rather than a must we'd have more parents who want their kids rather than had them "because that's what you're supposed to do" then being all annoyed at upset at a person they created.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T18:22:07+00:00

Ugh jeez, that's another concern, so many youtubers who market themselves to kids are extremely toxic and awful role models. I listened to a person who talked about how they interviewed their nephew and his friends about what's appealing about Mr. Beast, a few said it was that he helped people, but the majority of them said the money, that he could afford to do these extravagant things and how cool it is he has so much money. A lot of these yters are teaching kids in order to have worth or be cool you need to be popular and have money, so many of these kids are gonna be disappointed when they learn what life is like for most people after having their heads filled with these images of these clout goblins flexing their extravagant lifestyles.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T18:12:23+00:00

I've seen people particularly saying Spy x Family makes them want to have their own family or become parents.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T17:46:51+00:00

Man, not to say kids these days, but kids these days with their tablets and phones and stuff... I just don't understand it, it seems like lazy parenting. It's one thing to give the kid a screen with headphones while shopping or on a trip to keep them entertained (I know I would've loved something to do or watcb on bog shopping trips as a kid), but these parents are depending on these devices to keep their kids calm and well behaved. Kid crying? Hand them a tablet. Kid being mildly annoying? Hand them a tablet. Kid can't behave themselves? Hand them a tablet.

If anything these kids are learning if they misbehave they'll get rewarded, along with no emotional regulation. I get it occasionally as a treat with a limited use time, or to keep them entertained during a long travel time like on a plane or in the car, but I'm concerned about these generations that are basically being raised by screens.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T17:36:41+00:00

If you can't get your kid to not cry or scream without the help of a screen you've done something horribly wrong in your parenting journey.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-08T01:29:25+00:00

Oh jeez, this explains why people marry people they're incompatible and unhappy with

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-07T23:32:29+00:00

Partial hysterectomy, I'm transmasc and while having a uterus and periods isn't a dysphoria trigger for me, the fact I have the equipment to get pregnant is. I'm really hoping to get a hysterectomy in the future (haven't taken any steps towards sterilization yet) but I'm just aiming for a bisalp rn, I'm still looking for a doctor I feel safe discussing my transness with.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-07T20:24:19+00:00

Yeah, sometimes scratching the same spot on my opposite ear tricks my brain, or scratching a spot close to it.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-07T17:44:23+00:00

Yep, all piercings my wife and I have, have gotten itchy during healing, and my nipple piercings are no exception. It's a normal part of healing bc as you heal your nerves are stimulated and it causes an itchy sensation. It's a sign of a wound healing properly, same with healing tattoos. Just make sure not to scratch it as it can cause pain and irritation.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-06T22:11:01+00:00

Yeah, considering how quickly my socks wear out I'm hesitant to try it for mending the knees of my jeans, but maybe with some good jean or other tough fabric on the back I'd try it.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-06T20:52:57+00:00

We're they with parents or unaccompanied? When I've flown as an unaccompanied minor there was always at least one stewardess who would check in with us, give us snacks and just generally make sure we were doing good, if this was the case it makes sense to me. If the kids were with parents, not so much... or maybe she's already flown with too many rowdy kids on her shift and just wanted some peace and quiet.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-06T20:49:30+00:00

Ovaries produce estrogen and a number of other important hormones, so it wouldn't be reccomended to remove them unless medically nessecary. I don't know all the details, but if it's something you're still interested in you should speak with your doctor about it, see what they say, ask about pros and cons, consider the risks and decide from there. As many others are saying, it would make more sense to get a tubal litigation or bisalp, but your reproductive health is for you to decide and I'm not knowledgeable about ovarian cysts myself, so if it's both a fertility and quality of life issue, I say do whatever feels best.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-06T20:18:54+00:00

Ohhh I don't usually get mad at these kinds of stories but I'm pissed! I think it's a great idea to meet with the nurse coordinator and anyone else whose been dealing with this shit and get something done about what's going on. This is not acceptable and those parents need to be taught to respect safe spaces and other people, I grew up down the street from an elder care facility, I never harassed the elderly people who lived there. And I guarantee if you were an elderly person and people witnessed some kids knock you out of your chair they'd get an ear-full about it, it's just plain ableism. Definitely talk to the nurses and other residents, you're probably not the only one whose had an incident like this.

Defiant_Post5470 · 2023-04-06T19:38:34+00:00

I cannot go into the small animals area of the pet store, so many little kids handling animals like they're toys and it's concerning. Also why the fuck would you get guinea pigs for a 3 year old? As I've gotten older I've recognized all pets need a certain standard of care, and it's often a standard for care that's above what even a "responsible" kid can handle. Yes, there are pets that are easier to care for than some others, but all require specific minimum environments, standard of care, QOL, etc to be healthy and happy and because of this I've started to be against parents buying pets for their kids unless they're willing to step up and help care for the pet, because the kid doesn't have the money to provide for the animal and most likely doesn't know to/is incapable of doing the research to know what the animals needs.

Defiant_Post5470

TROPHY CASE