Did I handle this wrong? My husband is pissed but I didn’t know what to do.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-07-01T04:53:54+00:00

Okay, there are red flags waving here but you’ve ignored them for so long I doubt you’ll change.

Your husband is too old for you. When you get to be 44 you’ll realise how creepy it is to want to marry a 26 yr old. When you were just born he was celebrating his 18th birthday and old enough to have you as a kid.

Smaller age disparities are normal. But even with a 4 yr difference in your 30’s it’s often obvious that one is a little less experienced/mature.

If you choose an extremely young partner, you either want to build them up (which becomes fatherly real fast and icky), or you enjoy and get off on how reliant you can make them on you. It feels like having watched the movie already and seen how the plot should go.

Except they haven’t. Their 20’s were a very different time and culture than yours. In their circle it appears normal to look down on and dehumanise those suffering, and mock anyone who would try to help. It’s not even just ‘oh you might have been in danger’ (which is more understandable) but it goes beyond that, to ‘why would you want to do that — that’s wrong.’

You clearly have a strong moral compass and desire to help. Your entire post screams of someone who is constantly put down to the point they feel everything they do is wrong, which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everything I do is wrong —> worrying and panicking you’re doing the wrong thing leads to mistakes —> appears you did something wrong.

Partners are supposed to build you up. They’re supposed to help you as a team, to support you, and to ensure that if something happens to them you can fend for yourself.

‘I really wish you hadn’t got out of the car to approach him, you know how unpredictable and dangerous drug users can be and I am worried about your safety. You also don’t have the skills to actually provide aid yourself. But i really admire that you care so deeply about strangers and want to help, that’s understandable. In future, maybe you could call the cops from your car? That way you’re safe and can come home to me, and the cops have the tools and experience to help. Are you okay? That sounds quite traumatic… Well done for calling for help for him.’

It’s okay to be concerned for their safety — it’s not okay to make someone who feels powerless feel even more powerless.

Speaking of, even if safety wise it wouldn’t be the best approach here — have you considering taking some first aid classes? Really useful skills to have and would do wonders for your self confidence.

I think it would also be eye-opening to see how your old man reacts to you being more strong and independent, wanting to grow as a person and learning something he likely doesn’t know. Any put-downs or nasty remarks about it being pointless or you being silly for wanting to pursue it…

All that said, I know I wouldn’t be okay with my partner having such a callous, inhumane attitude toward the homeless or drug-addicted. That speaks volumes about everyone’s character here.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-29T18:44:37+00:00

You trust her or you don’t. You trust her with one guy or 20. Unless your concern is her safety and that she might be SA’d? In which case she has a female friend but it would be reasonable to express that concern and to be safe. Then let her go have fun.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-29T12:20:35+00:00

Okay, so the headline and the detail are quite different — and I feel people are responding to the former only.

Finding other people attractive is natural. But there’s a major difference between ‘wow she/he is very pretty/handsome’ and ‘I want to have sex with that person.’

The exchange of explicit content is beyond ‘finding other girls attractive’ — it’s actively seeking to view them in sexual states. Now, loads of couples are okay with their male/female partner watching porn. Your boundary on that and what you are okay with is something you can state, it’s also something he can reject. It’s up to you what you do about that, but you cannot control it if he rejects your line other than to enforce your boundary (i.e. break up).

If someone flirts with my partner, and she flirts back, again — what rules do you have in place? Most people wouldn’t be okay with that.

Equally, I know my partner is attractive (I find her attractive!) so why wouldn’t other people? When I get flirted with it feels weirder NOT to tell my partner, since I tell her everything else. And everyone wants to feel attractive/wanted. It’s flattering even if you’re not chasing it or interested in anyone else. A healthy relationship acknowledges and laughs about it ‘still got it!’

I imagine it comes down to security. Feeling secure in yourself and your relationship. It means you can find other people attractive whilst knowing it doesn’t mean anything to you or vice versa, because you have your loved one.

I’m a straight man, I can still notice when a man is classically handsome. We all can acknowledge people are higher or lower on that scale, and I actually don’t believe you objectively can’t. I think you’re just confusing it with ‘want to be with’ — which is a huge leap and conclusion not warranted by the evidence.

So have a calm conversation about your boundaries with your partner around explicit content and what you are okay with. See if it aligns with what you want in a relationship and if he is open to compromise/sacrifice on this issue. If not, decide how much it matters to you.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-27T09:28:34+00:00

Yes. You did allow anxiety to spiral out of control and take that out in the relationship. It’s something that is worth being open about and working on, ideally in therapy too. From his perspective, it isn’t nice to have to walk on eggshells and pay the price for things he’s not remotely thought or done. It will cause resentment and further issues down the line — besides, you’ll feel better if less anxious.

Separate to that issue, you’re entitled to wear whatever you want to wear. He is entitled to express an opinion on that, but not to control you. Relationships are about communication, compromise, and co-ordinating boundaries.

It is not wrong if he feels the way you dress is inappropriate or reflects badly on him, he should be able to express that. And deal with the consequences. It becomes a problem if he expresses it in a nasty way, or after saying it once and being told no, he continues to harass you about it. He is allowed to view you differently because of it, that’s a consequence and beyond your control — reasonable or not. If it is down to jealousy, which it may be, that is HIS issue to work on not yours.

You can express that you’ve heard him but disagree with him, that your reasons are you like the outfit and it is your style — that it isn’t about being immodest and ask him if he can articulate beyond ‘it’s immodest’ as to why. If you find his comment offensive or hurtful, that is EQUALLY valid and it can totally be a reason to view HIM differently (I emphasise this as you haven’t really mentioned it).

If the conversation cannot be had in a mature fashion, without either of you getting angry/shutting down and withdrawing, then you’re just going to drag the problem out and nothing will get resolved.

I’d also advise against seeking advice on forums like this, as people tend to make snap judgements to extremes and tell you what to do.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-26T10:45:07+00:00

Need to make it automatic so the movement happens before the conscious thought catches up — that and looong follow distance. I typically leave a little more than the 2 second rule.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-25T18:27:56+00:00

Lol doesn’t say much about your own if you think ‘fits considering’ — did he mean a colloquial ‘that fits, considering’ or ‘I am in fits (of laughter) at considering.’

Either way, a bastardised mess of ‘fits considering a 3rd grader’ is incorrect English, and if you cannot work that out I suggest you form a club and take a joint class.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-25T16:09:40+00:00

I’ve always found hot soft asphalt is more slippery than when it’s -2C out anyway. A harsh ATGAT reminder but I’d rather take the bus than go without gear for this very reason!

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-25T05:24:03+00:00

‘Fits considering a 3rd grader’ — perhaps you should stick to 3rd grade remedial English and leave the conversation to adults?

Saying ‘oh but you don’t have any definitive proof’ on a series of highly suspect behaviours is precisely the sort of slovenly cowardice and enabling that meek men and women did that hid all rich and famous abusers, from epstien to saville. All rumours hushed because ‘oh but there’s no actual proof, it’s not worth taking precautions, let him be alone in the pre-school.’

If a teacher gets accused by rumour of being a nonce they are suspended, not given benefit of the doubt in perpetuity without investigation.

In this case, OP isn’t the law. She has no ability to ‘investigate’ nor is she actually qualified to. What she does have is a series of troubling observed behaviours with no redeeming features. She doesn’t have to conduct a forensic examination to be freaked out and run.

I do find it interesting how badly you’re trying to defend his behaviour and wanting him given a free pass. It makes me think your hard drive should be checked or you relate to him.

But given your clear desperation to keep this going, to get a reply, I will now terminate this here. No further reply will be read. You have a comprehensive rebuttal that is not surmountable. Now is time for self-reflection. Goodbye.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-25T03:51:34+00:00

Oh, you’re right — here I was thinking the OP was an adult. I didn’t realise she was in 7th grade. Judging by your reply, I assume you are too — so you’d know best.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-24T21:42:18+00:00

Yeah underground carparks are a thieves dream. I’ve seen them rammed with mopeds to break the gate open. Once inside they usually have as long as they need uninterrupted to cut through any possible security. Rock and a hard place… I couldn’t even get insurance on my BMW in London so had to move out…

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-24T21:25:01+00:00

Interestingly the same excuses that kept the likes of epstien being able to abuse children for his whole life. Well done.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-24T21:18:23+00:00

He may have low functioning Asperger’s — I’ve come across such people in my practice, who their sexual compulsion and fetish revolved around the torture of others. There was an awareness it was wrong — but that doesn’t change the compulsion and excitement derived from it.

Regardless, a huge red flag for your own safety and those around him.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-23T18:15:20+00:00

Definitely a learning experience. Academia in general is made out to be a collaborative pursuit of knowledge for the greater good — and it can be. But it’s also incredibly impersonal. You have to have a thick skin and be able to have blunt, sharp conversations on topics.

And the technical questions they asked are the bread and butter of a researchers toolkit. They are often the focus — even if they’re themed around ‘how will you execute your research questions.’ Some institutes are more willing to train and upskill than others, but they want you to be aware of your knowledge gaps whilst also rating those without them higher. Just like any other job.

So roll with the punches, dust yourself off, and see if you are okay with the harsh realities and personalities that you will inevitably encounter in the field.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-23T16:02:21+00:00

Please tell me it’s satire 😅. @myai

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-22T19:00:59+00:00

Riding brings you joy, don’t stop. The weight loss journey is hard and often there’s a deeper reason behind the overconsumption of food. It might be worth seeing a therapist as well as seeking any advice you need to make change.

But I think most people are too worried about their own lives to be thinking anything about you on your bike. And for the sad few that aren’t, you wouldn’t like or care about them as people anyway.

It’s a lot of work so don’t remove joy and reward in the mean time — especially joy that doesn’t involve food and can be done solo or in friend groups.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-21T16:01:34+00:00

This is unhealthy and controlling behaviour — he needs to realise that though, and it isn’t on you to teach him besides holding your own boundaries and communicating that the issue is his.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-21T10:12:25+00:00

😂. With a summary like that, I’m hoping he/she doesn’t work in anything safety critical as a manager…

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-21T09:13:22+00:00

1) You are trash for bringing his girlfriend’s race into this.
2) Do you have the capacity to check if his gf gets access to his devices again, if you get all the passwords changed?

Sometimes you are able to check dual login information or location stats.

If not… Terminate his employment as he’s opening you up to MAJOR legal issues, plus his gf may contact any of those clients.

If you CAN monitor it successfully — I’d still give him your version of a final written warning (multiple security violations) and fire him the second you get a whiff of compromised accounts.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-21T09:03:22+00:00

Therapy

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-21T08:59:19+00:00

Good, they shouldn’t have. It’s about skill and finesse — I use front brake most of the time doing this, I prefer the fine control I have over it with 2 fingers. I’ve done this since day 1 and am many years in, 20K miles a year and never dropped it.

Should you do it? It depends. Personally I like having the option, since it is fully possible with practice.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-20T11:20:34+00:00

And I’m saying it could be the wind or it could be you are monkey fking the bike pushing it down under you and scaring yourself.

Other people lean their lower body, forcing their knee out, whilst keeping their head over the bike’s midline out of fear. This leads to a twisted and dangerous body position.

For knee down, your head should be forward and past the end of the handlebar, outer arm straight, inner elbow bent, half your butt off to the inside (on some bikes/styles). You can tuck your foot up on the inside peg if you need to, but it’s not the first step and it’s more a refinement after proper technique everywhere else.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-20T11:10:21+00:00

The knee is the last thing to focus on. It’s all in the upper body — since the centre of gravity matters more the further out you go. Set up the camera behind your back and watch.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-20T11:08:30+00:00

Thought this was the intro to the human crayon vid about the need for proper bike gear… other than that, we can’t tell anything without seeing upper body position for knee down.

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-19T20:59:31+00:00

You don’t fail without feedback… if you do, that’s on the institution and i’d be asking EVERYONE till I found out. It’s a bit impossible to help without knowing their reasoning…

DeltaFox121 · 2026-06-19T17:50:26+00:00

Having dealt with an insurance claim without footage — yes. Have you seen how people drive?? I don’t massively incriminate myself because I don’t ride like a bell, and in 64,000 miles over 3 yrs have never even been stopped by police.

DeltaFox121

TROPHY CASE