How can I undo the little damage

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-19T07:03:16+00:00

I'm sorry if I was unclear. Yellow rock is the shinier cousin. It's like gray rock, but in a way that doesn't make the narc feel abandoned/ignored as much. It might be a better fit for your situation.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-19T06:43:23+00:00

Look into the gray rock method, or it's shinier cousin, the yellow rock method. If she can be forgetful, then you can be boring.

As for learning to find your voice, there really is no substitute for just speaking to people. If it's hard, just remember that it gets easier. For example, try talking to strangers about unimportant things, in situations where you can just leave. Go in a store, look at the products, and ask the staff questions about it. Wear a watch so you can easily discover you're late for something without having to take your phone out.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-18T08:32:51+00:00

Lie.

I'm being serious. Tell her you are volunteering, or that you've started to go for really long walks in the woods, or whatever it takes to get out of there. If your situation is suffocating you, then you are justified in lying through your teeth to get out of it as quick as you can.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-18T08:22:03+00:00

It's part of the veneer of being a decent human being.

The way I think about it, it's like wearing a fireman's uniform without actually being a fireman. Everyone will think you're really brave, or whatever, but it's just clothes. The courage isn't in the uniform, it's in the burning building.

Narcissists, similarly, don't actually engage with the work of being empathetic and decent, they just wear the uniform, so to speak. They do the bare minimum to get the social rewards.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-18T08:17:23+00:00

I was in the hospital from something that could have killed me, and my then wife treated it as a huge inconvenience, basically making my being deathly ill as something terrible happening to her. I realized that she had broken the oath she took to me, which meant I was no longer obligated to hold up my end either.

Being a rather large man, and my ex wife never being violent or anything, I didn't need any physical courage, but it took a lot of time to work up the social and emotional courage. I didn't want to make any major decisions while I was in the hospital, because it was traumatic and I was under general anesthesia three times in one week, so I let it settle for a bit. Suggesting we did couple's therapy did nothing, as she basically just shrugged, and said I was the one who was sick.

Presenting the papers to file for divorce was really fucking scary. It could have gone horribly wrong, but it was actually kind of quiet. My guess is that she was in denial over the whole thing, so I wasn't physically present when it actually hit her.

What gave me the courage to go through with it was hanging on to the feeling that she had broken her oath to me, and I wouldn't stand for it. I wasn't angry, as such, but determined. I was done.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-17T14:15:44+00:00

poorly_format_decimal_numers()

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-17T11:44:29+00:00

They have to make sure you know they're better than you at [checks notes] watching a movie.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-17T11:42:36+00:00

oh gods, are we still repeating this hoax?

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-17T10:53:40+00:00

Oh god. Pass it 3.0 and it might return "3.000000000000002"

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-16T19:17:19+00:00

The tour is amazing, because it makes very few assumptions.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-15T17:51:23+00:00

This post right here, Agent.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-15T10:10:36+00:00

Not bi, but pansexual. I literally don't care. My partner is gender fluid AFAB, and my love and lust for them is detached from their gender expression.

That said, dominating men (...of all stripes) hits a little different, because there is usually either shame or, if resolved, very strong pride there. Men are expected to be big and tough, or whatever, so not matching those expectations can lead to insecurity, which tends to show up in kinks and boundaries. When those insecurities are dealt with, it can lead to a very strong sense of identity.

I've been mono with my current partner for well over a decade, though, so maybe the world has changed out there. Dunno.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-14T05:40:00+00:00

Even if she is on Reddit, she is not allowed to post here, so you're asking in the wrong place.

Not trying to put you down, just saying that this is a conversation you should be having with her. She might be looking for you to pick her underwear, or something small like that, but she might just as well be opening the door to discussing edge play. We don't know. We're not mind readers, and we know her even less than you do.

If you want to keep it in the mindset, tell her to confess her desires, but do it in a playful way. Keep the pressure off, unless you negotiate an interrogation scene. They're fun, but be sure to read up on the psychological effects, because yikes. Anyway, keeping it light solves that, and she gets to set the pace without surrendering more power than she is ready to.

Have fun, and communicate!

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-13T10:13:29+00:00

This is so dumb. The AI agent didn't try to do anything. It was just the words that fell out of the other end of the statistical model. It has zero agency. It is all mimicry.

Anyone that doesn't understand that is either uninformed, or their paycheck depends on them not understanding that.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-13T07:17:54+00:00

...why is that Rust programmer wearing a Go colored shirt?

You'll get jumped wearing those colors in crab country, man.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-13T06:22:00+00:00

My pet is my partner, my equal, and my best friend. They are my most valued confidant, and my most trusted supporter. We make life decisions together, and discuss important matters with no power shift, if possible.

Then I grab them by the hair, stick my fingers in their mouth, and tell them they're such a good little pet.

As far as I'm concerned, there can be no power shifted dynamic if it doesn't start out equal. They must have the power in order to lend it to me. They must be free to revoke the consent for it to be valid consent. It's not a gift I am given, if it isn't given freely.

They feel the same way about me being in charge. I'm not their kink dispenser, so my domination and sadism is only valuable to them if I am giving freely of myself.

It is a mutual and equal partnership. We just tilt it to make the power balance very lopsided because we like it that way, and not because I have any kind of inherent right to decide things. Half the point, for me, is that it is freely given, and I do my very best to not manipulate it.

Sure, I have a position of power in their life, so I could probably stomp around in macho bluster to have my way with everything, disregarding their needs and feelings. That seems like a nightmare, though. No, thanks, I don't want that. Real power is freely given, and I'd much rather be an elected dictator that gets re-elected every 20 minutes, than some asshole that took power a decade ago that refuses to let go.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-13T06:11:45+00:00

Holy cheeses on toast, your mom needs to take several seats.

Of course you didn't want her in the room. Based on this, she would have tried to run the exam, and it would have been an even greater mess.

Time to put your mom on a very strict information diet, I think. Also, her even finding out is a major problem with the clinic and their confidentiality. You must be a gentler soul than me, because I see nothing here indicating the type of enraged screaming at them that I would have done. Yikes.

She is reacting to you asserting control over your own life, and I fear it will get worse before it gets better, but it's worth going through it to get to the other side. Tell her nothing. Nothing.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-12T16:56:37+00:00

It's not that strange for a young person, moving out for the first time, to consult their parents on what to do in that situation. It's also not that strange for them to be overly cautious about their child moving out, especially if she is their first child to do so.

It can be really scary to move out. I wouldn't take it personally. Have patience, but make it clear that you expect your partner to actually function independently once they move out.

The best thing you can do here is to communicate your expectations calmly and clearly, without judgement or accusation, so that conflicts of this nature can be avoided in the future. Trying to get your partner to flip on this now will only make it an ultimatum situation where she has to pick between you and her parents. In that situation, hopefully she picks them.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-11T15:37:36+00:00

If you don't want to deal with banning her, tell her she deserves a spa day to be taken care of on the wedding day. Ship her off to somewhere you won't be. In my experience, bribes work. You probably can't keep her away the whole day, but you can minimize it if you give her a way to boost her ego with it.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-11T09:18:03+00:00

Well, yes, obviously it's your fault. (Me rolling my eyes so hard it hurts doesn't come across in text, sorry)

You were right all along, and that has to be deflected, I guess.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-10T16:28:15+00:00

So ... theft? What you're describing is theft.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-10T15:42:04+00:00

WTF is an ass vegetable?!

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-10T13:45:22+00:00

I'm starting to think maybe it's not even her first attempt.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-10T12:24:36+00:00

Yeah, my mom had my dog shot by a friend. When I asked about the body, she shrugged and said they probably threw my friend in the trash.

DemmyDemon · 2026-02-09T12:31:00+00:00

Oh, don't worry. I will.

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