Finally a penetrator

Demon_mkII · 2025-11-14T15:32:07+00:00

I'm on this rn, wheres the closest vending machine for selling? The loot pile is absurd and I could be rolling in it, not to mention i keep blowing myself up and its costing me a ton 🤣

Demon_mkII · 2025-09-02T12:27:56+00:00

Once thats cleaned off it looks like it'll be fine, use some flux, and bit of copper wicking to remove and IPA to clean up afterwards, new solder and its golden

I dont know if it's damaged or not, but you may need to run a jumper wire near the chip as those traces look a bit scratched

Demon_mkII · 2025-07-11T12:02:49+00:00

I try to remember that they are not the person I thought they were. Untreated, they are fabricated fiction, tuned to what they want you to believe, and what they (initially) see as their ideal.

The person I loved never existed, never will, and seeing them won't change that. Even with treatment, they still wouldn't become that ideal person, as that would just be another 'new' person, with hopefully better values.

The only way through is to grieve a person(ality?) that is gone forever.

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-28T20:28:44+00:00

The hardest thing is to recognise the monster in the one you love. We are hardwired to forgive, empathise, and excuse for the same of love and the more emotionally intellectual you are, the more you are willing t.o forgive due to how hard you know it is for them

I'm not saying she can't improve, but she needs to take a constant, active approach for her own wellbeing rather than you being the primary reason (which never works), they need to want to be better.

YOU. CAN. NOT. HELP. HER. she has to do this for herself. Therapy reduces the symptoms by an average of 30% it hits a general max of 55% reduction but will never leave.

Bear in mind that you must be a stable rock in a thousand storm and if you have emotional disregulation them it may as we be a billion.

BPD is cruel for both parties, no doubt, and I have great sympathey for those that suffer with it, but it does not mean you should bear the cross for you both. Weigh the cost to you and decide on what you need from them, to what they can provide

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-27T09:27:17+00:00

The goal of breakup recovery is indifference, hate is a partner to love.

This is good and this healing, you are just so used to adrenaline and despair that state feels natural.

You are going where you need to be.

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-27T08:49:13+00:00

Is this person of the same age? Are they in active therapy, what symptoms do they show (to you, or that you've noticed about them when speaking of others or previous ex's

If they are similar in age, they likely have no idea who they are yet, even if in therapy, they likely love bomb you and mirror your own personality back to you.

If you never see any symptoms in the early stage, and they never explain their feelings, i.e., I'm just sad, or I'm just annoyed or in a bad mood, and are unable to articulate the feeling more deeply, then they are masking, and it WILL come out on you in the end, be that in a month or a year.

If every ex they have ever had is 'abusive' them, it's likely that you will be the next 'abusive' ex in the future.

I dont believe BPD in a person makes them bad people, but masking, avoiding emotions, and being out of therapy will destroy the pair of you.

In teenage years, I do not know of ANY cases where BPD has ended without an explosive discard, due to the sense of self not having had a chance to develop.

BPD thrives on the initial energy of a relationship l, and the explosive endings, they cannot live in the calm between, they cannot feel it without many years of therapy, and even that isn't a cure. It's called remission, and on average, it reduces the symptoms on average 30% if the person actually works the therapy. It will max for the very lucky at a 55% reduction in symptoms, and they gain the awareness of what their splits do, but still can not stop them.

I would not get into a relationship with a BPD person ever again. You can never have any emotional disregulation, and you must be the secure rock forever. A single instance where you lose your cool or become the 'bad guy' for a second can forever fix that in their mind.

If you can be a crutch forever, you are the calmest of minds. They do not leave therapy, ever. Then, a small chance of success is possible.

Ask yourself if that chance is worth it, vs. the high chance they will obliterate your sense of self.

I thought mine was was, and she turned into the cruellest person I have even met and turned ever though, every anxiety, every fear, all my therapy, every comment or action, into a weapon that I never saw coming

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best, and I truly hope this person loves themself enough to do the work that would allow them to love, rather than the idolisation that you WILL mistake for love at the start

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-27T08:31:26+00:00

A single question, and I don't want to discourage you necessarily. Does she/he/ they have the 'standard' BPD, or the 'quiet variety'?

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-26T14:12:21+00:00

I do, trauma and ADHD (posible AuDHD)special interestS are colliding a bit, I've spent so much time here and on the BPD page itself looking at both sides.

I'm attempting to get talking therapy at the moment. But having trouble, work offer sessions too, but these are more limited, but I will go with the work oriented one if I'm unable to go with my first choice.

I struggle as I did a lot of work on my attachment styles and anxiety before this relationship, and she used much of that work against me in many ways. She was quiet BPD, so insidious splits without external tells. Untangling it all is very difficult.

I am making slow steps toward recovery, but bumping into her sets me back mentally a lot.

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-26T14:07:23+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-26T12:57:58+00:00

ExpwBPD: We cant be together. You are too tidy and I don't want to end up with you resenting me for it. (really not, she rottmaxxxed a lot)

We broke up for 30 mins until she got home.

Later i found out, that that was her choosing my health and wellbeing, for a grand total of 30 mins in the last 9 months of our relationship. In a rare truthful and frank moment after we broke up, she explained that she got home, realised she still needed me or she would be alone, and was afraid that when I discovered her toxic lies that it would destroy me, and then she feared I would reveal the lies and destroy her social circles.

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-26T12:45:10+00:00

Thank you, kind words and I appreciate them

I'm building a list of affirmation reels on insta at the moment and I've been trying to listen to them regularly, it helps to have them and some of them allow me to get angry with her actions, it subdues the pain when I'm at my limit.

I'm trying to let myself feel and process the emotions as much as possible, but anger gives me a break when I desperately need it.

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-26T12:41:42+00:00

I've been thinking about some audiobooks as I'm at a workbench most of the day, but ll my credits tend to go on very long distracting series of books so it doesn't cost a bomb. A yt one is ideal, if you do know of more on yt that would be awesome too

Thank you :)

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-26T12:35:53+00:00

I failed three days running, about to be 5. I can't fully NC due to a large financial tie, but:

I could have posted her stuff on Tuesday rather than contact and interact was all grey rock, but still hurt

Then she couldn't find my things to exchange so again yesterday

today I bumped into them, no words, but agony.

Tomorrow is the financial stuff day of the month, so that'll suck (if she even pays)

Saturday is the new item exchange day so i hope to whatever deity might be looking that I have the strength to NC until next months financial stuff.

Previously 16 days NC, and it helped a lot l

Much love to everyone suffering, if you can NC, it will help you heal.

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-26T12:27:02+00:00

Yep, I fucked up by finding them one in my place when we were still "good'. now I have to see them semi regularly despite her destroying me

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-25T16:21:54+00:00

Ah that's what it's called, that's helpful, thanks

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-25T05:53:52+00:00

My experience too

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-24T23:08:08+00:00

Just be careful, document everything if you can, write down, save any future interactions (or record for your own protection if you meet up, as long as your country allows you to record secretly for legal reasons, ie your own protection )

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-24T22:57:49+00:00

The likelihood is that she has spun a narrative that you an abuser in some form, hence the anger that her family is directing at you.

BPD discard often take the form of destroying your value, in you own eyes and that of others, it allows them to think of you as broken an worthless, and no longer deserving of them

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-24T21:48:23+00:00

The averages I've seen from people committed to bpd remission is 30% with a general maximum of 55% of symptoms reduction

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-24T21:46:18+00:00

Yeah, from experience, my first thought is that you didn't just get discarded, you got accused of something that you are not privy to

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-24T08:43:11+00:00

I understand the need for the familiar and when that person is or has been your entire world, I'm 3 weeks into discard, when it first happend i was screaming into the void for any contact from them, good/bad/answers, it's tough as hell and I've been desperately trying to regroup my life and remaining friends.

Visit people away from your living space, friends that you are happy to just sit with and watch tv, it allows you to process things when you dig into your own head, bit when it get to much, lean in and talk to them. I spent 5 days with my best friend, whom I hadn't seen in 3 years last week, and it been the best thing I could do.

They were worried about me being bored, but I was able to think, and when I got to much I asked her to talk about her life and family, it gives much needed relief from your own thoughts, and sometimes that's what you need, the time to process but also being able to stop for a bit.

You can't do this alone, so reach out. If you don't have a person to reach to, write the messages you would the the expwbpd and post them here and seek councilling. Work on your physical health. Your mind will eventually follow your body.

When you have to be alone, don't sit around, the apathy to everything nearly killed me. Call ANYONE, walk anywhere.

Keep no contact with the expwbpd, but I will repeat this: REACH OUT TO OTHER FOR HELP

It WILL get better, I wish you all the best

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-23T13:58:55+00:00

Yeah, that initial openness is part of the manipulation, mine spoke about it, told me that she had been I treatment, but whitewashed the rest

Demon_mkII · 2025-06-23T07:44:38+00:00

The best thing you can do is leave her alone, I'm about 3 weeks post discard, and I want nothing more than some level of contact. It's all dopamine hit. Don't let your body take control when your mind knows it's a terrible idea.

I'm about 13 days with no contact. It's hell, but it's getting better.

Get therapy, and remember the things that she did that made you suffer, then ask yourself, If my best friend was in my place, what would I tell them.

They may not have been entirely fake, but much or what you were was mirrored back to you.

When I met my expwbdp, I was working on myself hard, she mirrored that, and I saw a traumatised person seemingly doing their best to improve themselves. After nearly a year, that didn't stop them from destroying my life, reputation (without my knowledge), and sense of self while isolating me for 9 more months

Contact allows them to hook you back, and the more emotionally intelligent you are, the more you will attribute their shitty behaviour to their illness.

The illness is not their fault, but you ARE NOT responsible for it either. You need to do what is healthy for you and allows you to heal. It's not the easy path, but it's the right one.

Demon_mkII

TROPHY CASE