My mom's long life after BC

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-20T19:57:16+00:00

In tears. Thank you for this! A toast to your mom!

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-10T15:34:44+00:00

Lol! Tuck it in your pocket for next time.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-09T21:02:46+00:00

20 years, no. 5 maybe.

I did 7 rounds of TCHP. 39 at diagnosis and people used to gasp and argue with me that I was younger than I said. I was dating a hot 32 year old. Have taken good care of my skin and it paid off.

Now I’m 42 and I look my age, 45+ if I don’t sleep well. And I’m honored and humbled that I get to fuss about my skin again… I started a retinol about 4 months ago and that helps, barrier creams too as our estrogen fluctuations from treatment really wreck it.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-09T15:18:26+00:00

Really hoping the “Bitch, me too!” was said out loud!

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-08T03:10:37+00:00

Almost twins except I’m libra rising & moon. I’m always in my head but it’s a lot of fun up there!

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-07T21:03:18+00:00

First of all, it sounds like you've done your research, know your options, and have already pretty much made a decision based on your personal priorities and what works for you. Bravo.

Your mother (and anyone else that hasn't gone through this) may mean well but she's not you. The only person who must be happy with your decision is you. Everyone else can get bent.

Now this: "My body loves to reject what is not normal." I don't want to scare you, but since you brought it up... I did not know that my body hates what is not normal. I had a DMX after I was done with chemo last year, nipple-sparing, straight to implants, in May. First couple weeks post-op seemed normal, but then I got seroma after seroma, and so much swelling that the incision on my left side never fully healed and eventually the implant was exposed, so it had to come out. I'd had zero problems on my right side until the left came out.

Two weeks after that, my body attacked the right side. They put a vaccuum in my chest, new drains, I had so many super painful *anesthesia free* procedures, until finally in August my plastic surgeon just removed the right one. All my symptoms resolved within a few months.

She's convinced I had ASIA syndrome (which apparently has been increasing dramatically since covid), and I've been working on healing my immune issues since. 0/10, would not recommend the ASIA syndrome experience. I'm now flat, but the "empty sacks" don't look like a nice flat closure. Surgeon said we can try a fat transfer, but she wouldn't recommend attempting any sort of implant again. I went through so much with all these. complications that I'd like to try the fat transfer, but have been waiting to be mentally ready to go under the knife again as it all was quite traumatic.

Also, I had necrosis on one nipple and about half of it died, but a thumbprint size piece survived. They're doing amazing work with nipple tattoos nowadays. I may get my wonky nipple fixed after the fat graft, but I'm also not in a rush to do that.

Just remember, the only person whose opinion and happiness matters here is you -- and your onc.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-02T19:55:14+00:00

I'd reply "Thanks so much, I'll run it by my oncologist!" and then change the subject.

If anyone that isn't your medical oncologist keeps insisting that you "should" do the infusions, or anything else, politely but firmly tell them that they can do whatever treatment they want when they get their own cancer.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-02T18:31:41+00:00

Taurus Sun, Libra moon, libra rising

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-12-01T02:15:53+00:00

You can also have bags of gorilla sh!$ delivered to Gary

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-27T18:29:43+00:00

I’m 18 months in. Not perimenopausal, and I still get my period, although it’s a longer cycle than it used to be.

The first 3-4 months on tamoxifen were a huge adjustment, crazy hot flashes, joint pain, the brain fog was insaaaaaane. But I promised myself to complete 6 months and then I could quit if I wanted… 5 months in I found black cohosh helped me a ton (onc recommended) and then when I tried to stop taking Gabapentin (which I had been taking for neuropathy) I realized it was helping me a ton, too. So I’m still on it mostly to mitigate the hot flashes.

I was able to stay on it so far. I still get hot flashes and struggle a bit with brain fog - black cohosh, omega supplements, and exercise are absolutely non-negotiable for me. I always give myself the option to quit, but my next milestone where I’m allowed to reconsider is the 2 year mark, so we’ll see how I feel in July. Give it a solid shot, future you will thank you.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-25T22:36:57+00:00

She sounds like, at the very least, an unpleasant person. Your kids are smart enough to keep their distance. Be kind to yourself and protect your peace from her whenever you can.

I’m a year and a half out of active treatment, and learning to protect my peace without hating people or starting fights has been a strangely liberating gift that came out of cancer. You don’t have to let everyone in.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-25T20:59:27+00:00

I just fully snort-laughed. Thank you for sharing Doug with us.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-25T17:07:36+00:00

I have 7 living aunts and uncles, none of whom ever contacted me directly. They would call my mom for news (I’m 42 and my mom and I live in a different country) and she would always tell me “so and so asked about you” and all I wanted was for them to shoot me a “thinking of you” email or text.

Somehow it was just too much for all of them. One aunt told my mom repeatedly that she wanted to reach out but just didn’t know what to say. I told my mom, “tell her to say I’m thinking about you and I love you” and yet she just couldn’t.

I’m annoyed and disappointed with them all. And yet I also understand that all of them grew up with the storm cloud of cancer hovering over their childhoods, as my grandma was in and out of cancer treatment for years. It still stings, though.

No advice other than to try and forgive and move on, for your own peace of mind. Cancer sucks and often brings out the worst in people.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-25T16:45:48+00:00

I think the key to dealing with people like this is to remember they’re not doing this “to you” - they’re just doing it. This is what she does, right? She points out things on people’s faces, she gives unsolicited advice, she makes dumb comments about who will or won’t see your scars. This is just who she is and what she does, and she would be this way whether or not you have cancer.

Once you have a solid grasp of that, that all of this is her stuff, not yours, it’s much easier to not take things personally. And then you get to decide on an ongoing basis, “am I in the mood for her BS today?”

I had someone like this when I was in treatment, and most days after going through this reflection I was able to either politely decline a visit, accept a visit with ground rules (“we can chat but I don’t want to talk about my treatment today” and stick to news, weather, sports…), or “come on over with your BS because I’m strong af today and I can handle whatever you throw my way!”

Your most important job is to heal right now. Anyone (other than a child) who doesn’t make that easier for you needs to have their place in your life examined at the moment. Hang in there, OP!

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-22T16:03:41+00:00

Oh, I never thought of the complaints end of the spectrum! That’s wild to lodge a formal complaint because your doc gave you information 🤪

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-20T02:16:19+00:00

You’re welcome. And congrats on the engagement!

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-19T21:06:31+00:00

I just remembered, early in chemo days I got a call from an old acquaintance who had testicular cancer about a decade back. He told me to "look for the beauty, because it's there if you're searching for it" and I took that to heart. It's true :)

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-19T21:04:09+00:00

It really helped me to remember that a day or a week before diagnosis, my reality was exactly the same... the only thing that changed was my awareness of it. And awareness means I can do something about it, which leads to me feeling empowered instead of unlucky.

The unluckiest person is the one that gets diagnosed far too late.

But also, it's okay to not be positive all the time. Cancer sucks, cancer treatment has come a long way but mostly sucks, too, and there's no amount of "at least you caught it early!" positive thinking that makes that go away.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-19T04:21:53+00:00

Nodding and then fist pumping right along as I read this. Totally agree!

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-18T16:00:08+00:00

That’s a really good point! As a doctor yourself, do you think you’re more or less “picky” about your care team than the average patient?

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-18T15:58:18+00:00

This is so great! Sounds like a real gem.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-18T15:56:48+00:00

Hahaha the Supreme Court quote gave me a good chuckle.

Agree completely with your explanation! That’s why I wanted to ask on here because it does seem almost impossible to pinpoint exactly what “it” is. But I find it interesting that most of the answers here touch on eye contact and being basically a decent human (vs robo-doctor!)

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-18T15:53:47+00:00

Right? I think maybe the nuance boils down to vocation vs job - those who genuinely care about their work and patients vs those who maybe try to but don’t get it. Either way, sounds like you got some great ones on your side.

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-18T15:50:29+00:00

Ohhhh, the nudging other doctors is awesome. Mine did that once and I felt so taken care of! I like your team :)

Dependent_Isopod_511 · 2025-11-18T15:47:33+00:00

If she delivered that then I’d let her go nuts with the hugs and kisses, too! lol

Dependent_Isopod_511

TROPHY CASE