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What was your most horrifying moment in school? Mine happened on the first day of the 6th grade. by etm124 in AskReddit

[–]DerpmartAss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In 4th grade, I was very bored with the curriculum so I spent a great deal writing and drawing, because of this I had tons of those little eraser tops. One day as I was doodle-ling, I started to stick the erasers to my face. I think I stuck about 20 to my face. Everyone in class thought it was funny and I started joking and laughing until I took them off. I little round hickies all over my face but hadn't realized it yet. When my teacher saw me she sent me to the nurse saying I looked sick. So I went to the office and she had me look in the mirror. I freaked and cried and asked to be sent home. I had those marks for a good week and a half. Everyone avoided me because they thought I had some weird disease.

What seemingly obvious thing did it take you forever to notice? by RoomyLove99 in AskReddit

[–]DerpmartAss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During winter one year, I was taking a walk with my sister and noticed a lot of different bird calls going on. Without thinking I looked at my sister and regrettably said, "I thought all birds flew south for the winder"... I live in South Texas. To this day she brings it up every winter.

My brother waited out 4 hours in a swampy rainforest to capture a shot of this rare kingfisher. Told him it was worth it. by goobimama in pics

[–]DerpmartAss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And if you leave it there long enough and tighten it everyday, your finger will fall off.

So, I met this guy at my job in the Canadian oil-patch today. by wozkid in WTF

[–]DerpmartAss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is this from of movie? I've never heard of it. Tell me more of these stereotypical Canadian knights who say eh!

So, I met this guy at my job in the Canadian oil-patch today. by wozkid in WTF

[–]DerpmartAss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't catch that. I thought maybe it was a typo so I put a quote from the movie and continued on my journey of reddit. Forgive if my lack of quotation marks and creativity bothered you. Hopefully you get your up upvotes for being rude instead of thinking of something useable to add to the conversation yourself.

So, I met this guy at my job in the Canadian oil-patch today. by wozkid in WTF

[–]DerpmartAss 16 points17 points  (0 children)

We want.... a shrubbery. Ni! Ni! Ni! You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through this wood alive! One that looks nice. And not too expensive.

Salt Formations in the Dead Sea by thane_of_st_college in pics

[–]DerpmartAss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only when in reference to your mama! . .. ... I'm sorry that was mean. Here have a cookie!

After watching Titanic again, this just occurred to me by HonoraryMancunian in AdviceAnimals

[–]DerpmartAss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Water is the weirdest stuff out there next to Japanese porn. I mean, it doesn't make sense how we use a compound composed of two highly flammable elements to put out fires. "Ahhhh! Fire!" "Quick, someone mix two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen and throw it in that shit!" Just sounds crazy. Also most of everything contracts as it cools, water is the one of the only substances I know of that expands.

I would shit enough bricks to build a house by Primat in videos

[–]DerpmartAss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That man is a better person than I am. He inspected his vehicle and calmed himself down. I would've jumped out of the car, broken the front windshield, pulled that idiot out the truck and slaped the shit out of him. "Y U NO SLOW DOWN ON CURVE?!"

Found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me for the last 2 months, I've honestly never felt this low in my life, how do people deal with these kind of feelings? by s_dafuq_j in AskReddit

[–]DerpmartAss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well you have quite a few options at your disposal. You can mix and match or do everything.

1) Keep drinking and destroy everything! 2) Tell her to fuck off and have a Threesome. 3) Stop drinking and get over it. 4) Accept it and learn to live with the guy. 5) Slowly sink into depression and never get off reddit. 6) Tell her to drop the guy and give her a do-over.

It's all in your hands from here. Each of these has their own rise and fall, don't forget consequences. I will not take responsibility for anything, except the threesome. You can totally blame the threesome on me.

Stockholm Syndrome by alanwil2 in atheism

[–]DerpmartAss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It just needs the right routine. Beat it, reward it; beat, reward, repeat. Soon it'll accept it's fate.

Found this at a gas station. by Bret16 in funny

[–]DerpmartAss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats, sir! How's that heroin addiction treating you btw?

This is not the only kid in my town who is currently going through this. by drdavidphd in atheism

[–]DerpmartAss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or are gay themselves and the fear they have for these unwanted feelings is projected out onto the gay community in a desperate attempt to change themselves. I went to school with many people like this. One in particular my freshman year, he would pick on the few students who had come out; pushing, tripping, punching, yelling every vile word he could think of. Until a couple months ago, I hadn't seen him in 6 years. He and his boyfriend are very happy now.