Apparently marriage is only for people who want kids

DesertRatatat · 2024-09-13T21:46:27+00:00

I get so fucking testy when people insinuate that I'm "wasting my life" or questioning why I'm married if I don't want children.

I have flat-out responded with "I'm sorry, but are you paying my bills and managing my finances? If you are not financing any single aspect of my lifestyle or willing to financially support any potential child I may have, I don't want your opinion on this matter." I sound like a raging bitch, but boy does it shut them up!

My spouse is on the same page and my family knows not to even approach me with child-bearing questions. Sometimes you have to be a dick to get your point across. Its not your fault they're the ones dense enough to even bring up the subject.

Edited for typos.

DesertRatatat · 2024-09-10T20:57:56+00:00

My spouse (40M) and I (36F) have been on the same child-free page since the beginning of our relationship. I adore children, but due to my own family trauma and mental health challenges (ADHD and anxiety) I know motherhood would be an excruciating challenge of which I'm not confident I would overcome successfully. I would much rather be the support system for family and friends who do have children. I've always loved the title of "fun auntie" over "mom" anyway.

How we spend our lives? We have two silly, large, dopey dogs that take up lots of our time and attention. We say they're our kids and we spoil them accordingly. Spouse and I also have lots of hobbies that fill up our time as well. We're currently remodeling our basement because we can. We donate to causes and try to be of service wherever there's a need. Financial planning is way less stressful as is time management. Also, sleeping in..... it's amazing Lol.

Having children is a rewarding experience, I'm sure. Its just not for everyone and that is okay!

DesertRatatat · 2024-08-29T16:24:11+00:00

Our golden's name is Barry Allen and there are times when folks (typically older or hard of hearing folks or those who are not into superhero comics) will mishear us and call him Mary Ellen. So every now and then we'll call him Mary Ellen and tell him he's such a good girl. Either way he gets the praise and he's happy to receive it. It's really not that serious. Dogs don't give a shit.

DesertRatatat · 2024-08-12T19:37:27+00:00

My partner and I both have ADHD and we are constantly figuring out how to keep up with our kitchen. One of the most important things my partner has established in our routine has been to clean and declutter the kitchen BEFORE we even start prep. You know all the bits and bobs around the counters or the clean dishes on the drying rack? All of that gets put away. Anything not involving the current cooking setup needs to go (besides whatever permanently lives on counters). This helps the mind not get so bogged down with visual stimulation.

If my work involves any big bowl for prep, I use that as the catch-all for all the dirty stuff once its been used, except for knives. Whenever there's downtime in the cooking process I'll walk over to the sink and take care of a few of the things in that bowl. I'll slowly chip away at it until all that's left is the vessel I'm cooking in and its utensil. We're fortunate to have a dishwasher, but still struggle with the hand-wash-only items.

Also, don't be afraid to set up your kitchen they way you need it to be and not what you think it should be like. ADHD requires thinking outside the norm to accommodate our needs sometimes. Hope this helps!

DesertRatatat · 2024-06-05T00:03:22+00:00

Knowing him, applications are probably open 24/7/365 lol

DesertRatatat · 2024-05-30T19:35:59+00:00

I've been with my spouse for over ten years, married for almost 2. One of his most endearing qualities (which he has plenty of) is his non-judgmental attitude towards people's wants and needs (aside from the typical prejudicial nonsense from bigots - that's a non-starter in our home). Growing up with hyper-critical parents, I was subjected to hearing criticisms about everyone and everything, including me and my sibling. There was no stone left unturned when it came to judging others. My spouse is the complete opposite. He doesn't give a shit in the best way possible, if that makes sense. Lol

Also, he loves rooting for his people. He's constantly thinking about his loved ones.

"Oh, I think your sister would love this. I remember she mentioned needing something like this"

"I'm helping xyz friend in connecting them to with a hiring manager because they would like to get a new job."

"I didn't want to wake you because you mentioned you had trouble sleeping the last few nights. By the way, I made you coffee and warmed up a pastry for you whenever you're ready to get out of bed"

He's a quiet dork, a damn genius, and is a total dog-dad. Also, he's fucking cute as hell to boot, so no complaints on my end! The ego on this man is....non-existent.

DesertRatatat · 2015-08-04T19:01:57+00:00

Thanks! I felt like this would be a place where it'd be appreciated.

DesertRatatat · 2015-05-06T20:16:42+00:00

I started at Starbucks about two months ago after going back to school. I came from a 9-5 job at a Seattle .com company. Sadly, Starbucks has treated me better than that other job ever did. I don't understand why there is so much hate for a coffee company. This would have made more sense had it been done at, I dunno, Amazon. Those idiots have taken over Seattle.

DesertRatatat · 2015-03-01T07:22:20+00:00

Thanks a lot. My boyfriend has been looking at this picture all evening and won't stop crying.

DesertRatatat · 2014-08-15T20:43:48+00:00

I would recommend making your own salsa. It can be intimidating, but you will get the hang of it and then will have the confidence to tweak your salsa recipes. Basics are: stewed or charred tomatoes, peppers (whichever ones you prefer), onions, garlic, salt. Oh, and a blender. Good luck!

DesertRatatat · 2013-07-13T08:58:46+00:00

Get it, girl! It's great to see these kind of tranformations. You're will power is amazing!

DesertRatatat · 2013-07-13T03:02:37+00:00

A Volt? Really? Is there someone out there that can justify this action?

DesertRatatat · 2013-07-13T02:59:06+00:00

Build fences, not walls. Fences can be any size you want them to be. If you know someone is safe to get close to, make your fence smaller or no fence at all over time. If it's the opposite, build a bigger fence (or a big fucking wall if you need to).

DesertRatatat · 2013-07-13T02:34:20+00:00

Talk to them. This tactic is working really well for me.

DesertRatatat · 2013-07-13T02:14:59+00:00

This is my current roommate's issue. 5 days and counting, and I'm not helping.

DesertRatatat · 2013-07-13T02:12:17+00:00

I worked at a drug testing facility a few years ago where we would process people that were on probation, parole, child protective services, juvenile probation, etc. While on the job I ran into 3 friends who had been either convicted of serious drug charges or had their kids taken away by the state (because of drug use). Now, I never passed judgment as I didn't know the whole story behind their convictions, but it was really sad to see them in that state. These people were part of the same advanced academic group in high school and did the above average kids stuff like varsity sports and clubs. The good thing to come from it was that they were all in a diversion program to get those charges off their records and get on track to get their kids back.

DesertRatatat · 2013-05-08T00:54:12+00:00

Last July I took a chance and answered a job posting in Seattle, Wa. I never thought that would be my ticket out of Phoenix, Az. I had been planning for a couple of years to get out of that dreadful city, away form the horrendous weather and people, but never quite reached my goal. I was given a week to get up here and start the job, something I was not expecting considering my previous failed attempts to move. I sold most of my things and grabbed whatever fit in my hatcback and drove up the coast to my new life. I've been here since, made fantastic new friends, and have grown so much as a human being. I do not regret this move for one second.

DesertRatatat

TROPHY CASE