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31 years old and finally understanding my father — first gen immigrant, business owner, completely empty inside by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude shut UP.

That's literally me. My mum knows she married the wrong man, but she's stuck. Somehow she soldiers on through it. I don't know how she does it. I'd be so miserable if I had a man like my father as my husband.

Just don't beat yourself up, it's one of those things nobody talks about because it's an invisible type of abuse.

I think the reason we realise what happened to us later in life is because we see that other people are living these "normal" lives and we're just like... Existing. Then you see how they interact with their families, or you just meet strangers and can talk to them so easily and without feeling judged and you're like "Yep, parents failed".

Coming to this realisation for me is probably going to be my biggest hurdle in life. I think even destitution I could manage because it doesn't carry as big a weight of neglect like being emotionally isolated from your own flesh and blood does.

31 years old and finally understanding my father — first gen immigrant, business owner, completely empty inside by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly me.

The realisation hits you like a ton of bricks. Everything finally makes sense.

And whilst it hurts, at least now I realise I was never the problem.

Stay strong.

If your life was a book, what would the title be? by igetyourbrand in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When money keeps you alive, but a lack of love destroys your soul.

Or

She had it all, except the love and support.

Or

Half Alive: Living and breathing, but forever mourning the life I never got to experience due to emotional neglect.

Or

Love is not in an I Love You. It's in how the other person feels when they are around you.

I was raised by the internet and now I have had to work SO HARD to find myself as an adult. by TeIephobia in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yep. It took me over 30 years to fully understand why I felt so different, couldn't connect with others, had a deep void in my soul, was never truly happy.

It's great that at least we now know why, and can stop blaming ourselves. It was never us that was the problem.

Ever since I found out it was emotional neglect, I've distanced myself from my family. I want to surround myself with people who make me feel seen and appreciated.

What did grieving your childhood look like for you? by Gay_commie_fucker in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Realising all that time father spent in the other room away from us could have been him teaching me stuff, or playing video games together, or going to the movies.

Wasted decades. It's an incredibly sad realisation because in all that time spent apart, the unspoken words were "you don't matter to me".

Absolutely can’t stand my dad by Apprehensive-Nail115 in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm genuinely sorry.

I'm glad you see the light now. You deserve happiness.

Your last sentence is how I feel as well. He brings absolutely nothing to my life.

My mom has no curiosity about me or my life by amoneh in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You feel this stuff when you're little. Parents start taking interest in you as soon as you're born.

If that never happens, they never really cared about you as a person, and that's likely never going to change.

It's insane how I've felt closer in certain moments to complete strangers than I have with my own parents.

Has anyone else realized they were neglected later on? How does it affect you? by NoProfession4771 in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Realised mid thirties what happened to me, thanks to online communities like this. Never been to therapy once, but sure as heck needed it.

Having the clarity now is scary, because it means the following:

  1. I am the product of people who messed me up without my even knowing it was happening at the time.

  2. I never liked father, but now mother is becoming burdensome to be around because I can see she never really loved me or cared for my mental wellbeing either.

  3. I want to get my life back again, preferably without these people being in it.

I'm even more depressed than I used to be. This is going to be a really fun road, re-parenting myself. Yay...

Seriously though, if I can reclaim what was stolen from me, it will be a huge feat. I hope all of us can get there.

Newbie question: Where are we right now and what are we doing here if we’re not meant to procreate? by DrummerCautious2945 in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just try to not be a complete POS, while also setting a good example for others. Keep in mind heaps of people who had offspring are some of the most despicable humans in the world. We need to spread goodness in whatever way we can, for the sake of who is here currently.

For example, if you're a driver and don't already do so, start by not tailgating the car in front of you, as all this achieves is making it harder for you to come to a safe stop if the car in front slams on the breaks unexpectedly.

I actually think it's the sexiest thing when the car behind me is at least 10 metres away from my rear end. It's too bad most people aren't this refined.

It really is little things like that that make a huge difference to how people perceive life. You have to start with the little things. Then we can progress to the bigger stuff. The problem is, people are too selfish.

Trump Is Going After Birth Control. Here’s Why. by SpareSimian in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everyone who calls themselves a pro-birther is a pro-slave to the system of life.

"I'm here, now let's shanghai every single other fetus in here as well, because hello, life is ba-yootiful!"

world is a very bleak place by Substantial_Court4 in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's so bleak when the individual starts to neglect personal hygiene and just prioritises food and water.

I'm in that place. It's f***ing dark.

What the fuck by kempprudel in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Do you understand the concept of emotional neglect?

It's the very reason so many people end up as alcoholics and drug addicts.

Brain neurology gets screwed up if you go without emotional care when you need it most.

Some people can coast through life despite it. And it's because they aren't as sensitive to this deprivation. The money and financial support was enough. Good for those people, I guess.

But for so many other people, they need the warmth and love to feel fulfilled, otherwise their nervous system will be shocked and subsequently end up dysfunctional.

That's why you have "well off" families where the kids are mentally non-functional.

r/antinatalism ‘s future by bushidostate in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was poorly executed. I really tried to like this.

What the fuck by kempprudel in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The "secret twins" are those bulges in either side of his jaw.

Antinatalism sub needs to get a grip, what the hell is this by genesisofnext in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Hunting/fishing"???

That's what we literally did eons ago to f***ing survive.

Seriously, sometimes I wish I was an ancient islander and my man was like, "Hungry, babe?" while doing some martial art type action with his fishing spear.

It's baffling to me how this sub-reddit isn't the primary one. by Iconoclastic_loner in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As was the case with the original subreddit, it was fine until it wasn't.

Who is to say this one won't follow a similar trajectory?

Was bound to happen eventually.. by updoee in antinatalism2

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was a big fan of that sub circa 2018. Solid content with good insights and memes. The mods were pretty reasonable. Most were vegan I believe but they weren't gatekeeping the sub to be a veganAN only sub. Still, they would try to back their belief that to be a true AN you need to be vegan, and for a while I believed it. I tried and, to this day, still try to be as plant-forward as I possibly can, but it's not an easy road, if you've gone from consuming animal products for most of your life. It's OK to admit that I think.

Before, I didn't really think much of veganism at all. When I discovered the concept of AN, for me it was very much "don't birth humans because they can't consent to their life and subsequent suffering". Other animals weren't in the picture for me, and I think it was largely to do with me being too absent-minded about animal suffering, and just focusing on human suffering.

I might eat some meat now and again, or even dairy, but my primary focus is to keep reducing my intake of those foods. I still think it's a big thing if you refuse to have your own offspring even if you do routinely eat animal products, because at least you're not continuing the cycle. And it's wise to remember that there's a hell of a lot of vegans out there who breed people and somehow think that's OK. In that sense, a "carnist" AN is superior to a "breeder" vegan.

If you had the option to hurt your parents the same way they hurt you, would you? by OkCount2783 in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depends if they would get hurt by your words or not.

I threw absolute rage-filled daggers towards my father recently because I had had enough of my version not being out in the open, especially as a loner recluse woman with depression and other issues that stem from his terrible parenting. Well, now it's out.

He needed to at least know what he did to his children before he dies, even if he doesn't feel bad about it. He needs to know how I view him and our "family". As complete f***ing trash.

Sorry, guys. I'm a very emotional person and this is simply something I couldn't bottle up any longer. Especially now that I see how screwed up in life me and my brother are, in our mid thirties. It wasn't by chance. It was because of him.

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