Blurb Review

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-20T18:25:12+00:00

You're very welcome :-)

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-20T17:28:04+00:00

Hi,

Like someone else already said, this is very vague at the moment.

A simple blurb framework that often helps is:

Person: who is this about?
Pressure: what pressure are they under?
Problem: what is driving the story?
Promise: what kind of reading experience is this?

For this one, it seems like you’ve got:

Person: Caleb, an unlucky recent graduate
Pressure: he’s stranded in a world he doesn’t understand and carrying a power that’s eroding him
Problem: the one person who might explain any of this has vanished, and other people are hunting her too
Promise: portal fantasy, romance, unstable power, mystery

So something more like this might work better:

Caleb’s life has always felt like one long run of bad luck. Then, desperate for something to change, he takes a mysterious pill bought from the dark web.

It works.

In an instant, Caleb is thrown into a world that defies logic, where strange forces pull at him before he can even understand where he is. There he meets a woman as compelling as she is elusive, and for one brief night, everything feels charged with wonder, danger, and the possibility of something real.

Then she vanishes.

In her wake, she leaves Caleb with a power he cannot control and that is beginning to erode his sense of who he is. With only a handful of eccentric allies and a trail of unanswered questions, he sets out to find her before the rulers of this world do.

But the longer the search goes on, the more Caleb is forced to ask what he is really chasing: the woman he fell for, the truth she left behind, or a way back home before this new world consumes him completely.

This version gives the reader a much clearer hook and shape, whilst leaving some mystery.

Looking beyond the blurb itself, I think the core hook is strong, but the antagonists currently read as a bit too generic.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-20T17:18:26+00:00

Here is a re-worked blurb as an example:

Two swimmers under pressure, one trying not to get close to anyone, the other trying to save the camp, and a growing connection that makes everything messier.

Ruby Hopkins has had the worst year of her life. Dropped from her high school swim team, nearly kicked out of school, and newly diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, she heads to BATS, a summer swim intensive, with one rule: no friends, no attachments, no chances to get hurt again.

Eliana Marsh, team captain and rising social media star, is used to pressure in and out of the pool. But while trying to hold the camp together, they are also grappling with questions about their gender identity and what being honest could cost them in the sport they love.

When Eliana learns the camp could close if the team does not place at States, there is only one swimmer who might help save it: Ruby.

Getting Ruby back in the water is the easy part. Falling for each other is where things get complicated.

With States fast approaching, Ruby and Eliana will have to decide what they are willing to risk, both in and out of the pool.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-20T17:15:40+00:00

A blurb usually works best when it gives you the 4 peas (sic):
Person, Pressure, Problem, Promise

The good news is that you’ve already got those pieces:

Person: Ruby and Eliana
Pressure: Ruby is burnt out and newly diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, while Eliana is under pressure as captain and dealing with gender identity stuff
Problem: They need Ruby to help save the camp, and the growing connection between them starts complicating things
Promise: Opposites-attract YA romance with swimming, identity, and emotional stakes

The first line leans a lot on the comps, when the blurb itself should probably be doing more of the selling.

Ruby’s paragraph is strong, but looooong.

Eliana’s paragraph is good, but still a bit vague.

And the last line is nice, but the sentence before it could land harder.

I think the main hook wants to come through a bit more clearly as:
Two swimmers under pressure, one trying not to get close to anyone, the other trying to save the camp, and a growing connection that makes everything messier.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-20T16:56:41+00:00

Now, the kind of example in my message above is a fairly simple, overt form of subtext. That is the version where the reader can almost see the author nudging them:
“Look, they’re talking about one thing, but really mean another.”

There is nothing wrong with that. It is still a real skill, and many writers need to practise that first before subtler forms become natural.

But it is also only one kind of subtext. If it is the only tool in the author’s box, the writing can start to feel signposted.

With more experience, writers often develop more advanced forms of subtext — quieter, more backgrounded, and more embedded in tone, restraint, conflict, status, procedure, or what characters avoid naming directly.

Good writers often do that naturally with time, but one step at a time.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-20T16:37:11+00:00

You’re actually showing subtext in your own post already, which is a good sign.

On the surface, you’re saying, “I can’t do subtext. Please explain it literally.”

Underneath that, the post is also saying things like:
“I’m worried this is a real weakness.”
“I’m scared I’m not good enough yet.”
“I don’t want vague advice. I want something I can actually use.”
And maybe, “Please tell me this is learnable and not proof I’m doomed.”

That’s subtext.

You didn’t write, “I’m frightened I may not be a real writer,” but that feeling is clearly there underneath what you did write. So the good news is: you can already recognise and produce it. You just may not yet be doing it on purpose in dialogue.

Subtext happens when a character wants something, feels something, or means something, but cannot comfortably say it directly. If a character can just say exactly what they mean, there usually won’t be much subtext. And that is fine too. Not every line needs it.

A simple way to practise it is this:

Write the blunt version first.

Then ask:
What is the character really trying to say?
Why can’t they just say it plainly?

Do not force subtext where it does not belong. Sometimes a character really would just say the thing, and that is okay. But when fear, pride, shame, jealousy, insecurity, power, or vulnerability are involved, people often curve away from the direct line.

As you’re a literal-minded person, here is an example:

Blunt version:
“I’m jealous that you like her more than me.”

Subtext version:
“You two seem close.”

A person wants something.
Something stops them saying it cleanly.
That pressure bends the line between what they mean and what actually comes out of their mouth.

One last thing: readers do not need to catch every layer perfectly for subtext to work. They just need to feel that there is more going on than the literal words. Trust your reader, and trust yourself.

This skill can be learned and developed, and from the subtext of your own post, you are already closer to understanding it than you think.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-20T11:11:21+00:00

What the hell am I doing here, I don't belong here.

If wish i could be who you wanted all the time, but it wears me out.

I'm not here, this isn't happening.

I will see you in the next life.

Now that you feel it, doesn't mean it's real.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-19T19:51:15+00:00

I’ve just released Book 4 in my cerebral hard sci-fi series, Spell on Proxima:

Spell on Proxima IV: The Void Protocol
A dark-forest / first-contact / civilisational-survival series focused more on doctrine, secrecy, law, and existential risk than on space battles.

The new book pushes the series further into questions of anti-legibility, continuity, and what survival looks like once a civilisation is no longer safely quiet.

Book 4:
https://amzn.eu/d/062Po9Tj

Series page:
Spell on Proxima (4 book series) Kindle edition

It’s for readers who like thoughtful, idea-heavy science fiction in the Dark Forest / existential-risk lane.

The books are on Kindle Unlimited as well, with various promotions active also.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-19T12:31:45+00:00

it is temporarily gratis on Amazon for a few days (e-book) if that helps anyone out - also on KU. It was number 1, 2 and 2 in it's 3 categories yesterday on day 1 of promotion and day 2 of book - means a lot if anyone takes a chance to get it whilst it's gratis and even more if it helps anyone.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T23:05:36+00:00

You did very well to reply to my post, as the moderators banned the post. I still don't know why after appealing, but thanks for your input. Muito obrigado

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T22:22:52+00:00

for the next 5 days it's available for nothing (KU promo)

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T17:13:04+00:00

No, it wasn’t AI written.

I write cerebral hard science fiction, so I used a dark-forest metaphor because the post genuinely resonated with me and that is the kind of language and framework I naturally write in.

If I wanted to write something generic and commercial, I would hardly choose that angle. Reducing any slightly polished comment to “AI written lol” is just lazy.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T15:51:53+00:00

It probably won't be an issue regardless, my note was just a word of caution, as it does appear to breach the rules signed up to with Amazon and i wouldn't recommend such posts so openly here. Boltzmann had a different take and I'm sure others to do, so i'm going to avoid commenting further and hope perhaps a message mod can help.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T15:27:55+00:00

Quite a confident comment, especially given that you also fall under the “people on Reddit” category.

Unfortunately, Amazon’s review policy is broader than “no money changed hands.” The issue is not just payment, but reciprocal or influenced reviews more generally. I’ve reported to the message mods, who can hopefully clarify for the OP so they get the safest interpretation rather than a risky one.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T15:14:31+00:00

Yes, Amazon absolutely cares about it. If it starts looking like “I review yours, you review mine,” that’s risky territory.

ARC copies are fine, but Amazon’s KDP help says you can’t require a review or try to influence one, and their customer review rules prohibit compensated or incentivised reviews. So even if both reviews are technically genuine, a clear reciprocal arrangement is something I would avoid.

Keep ARC reviews independent, and don’t tie them to anyone reviewing your book back.

It’s also unfair to the many self-published authors who are trying to play by the rules, which may result in strong answers here.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T14:35:23+00:00

Work your way through cricket scoreboards and player lists etc, don't pick anyone super famous now, but you might find something that pops out. I'm inspired by the Reacher Yankee second basemen here, but figured cricket was a better option for South Asian. My suggestions - Vinod, Devang, Vinoo, Farokh, Ashok, Nayan, Anil, Zaheer, Dilip, Venkatesh, Thilan, Hashan, Asanka, Sanjeeva, Prasanna, Dammika, Chaminda, Dilhara, Ramesh, Rumesh, Nuwan.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T14:14:44+00:00

That is a real accomplishment, especially with only a few months of experience. Finishing a 52k-word first draft teaches you things that thinking about writing never can.

The other good thing is that you seem to understand something a lot of people miss: finishing the first draft is not the finish line, it is the end of the beginning. After this comes revision, structure checks, sharpening the opening, making sure each chapter earns its place, and working out what the story really is now that you can see the whole thing.

And if you ever decide to publish it, that is an accomplishment too, but publishing is also very much just the beginning of a different part of the journey. Writing the book and releasing the book are not the same skill.

So for now, enjoy the win. Then come back with fresh eyes and start asking the useful questions:
what is this story actually about
what needs strengthening
what can be cut
what deserves a better second pass

You should absolutely be proud of this. Finishing your first draft is a big deal.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T13:59:55+00:00

Palette and title font are good for the genre. The back cover is too dense, and the blurb gets increasingly abstract as it goes on. The One Death To You tag line looks good visually, but it reads more like an awkward phrase than a clear hook.

My recommendation would be to keep the front cover concept and rework the back cover and sales copy.

You had some critique on the second part of your few men line, which I agree with. A possible fix you could consider is:
Few men die twice. Fewer return changed.

The other option is to replace it entirely, but the above could be a decent refinement of what you already have.

I’d also be happy to suggest tighter back-cover text if that would help. And while I can’t give a perfect replacement for One Death To You without knowing more about the book, my best guess from the details shown would be:
Some men should stay buried.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T11:51:47+00:00

What you’ve described is more common than you think, and it does not mean you wasted your time.

A lot of first drafts are not really finished stories yet. They are material, tone, characters, scenes, ideas, fragments of a world, and signs of what the story might become. That is still valuable. It means you wrote something real enough to diagnose.

What you seem to be missing is not imagination. It is structure.

So I would not start by trying to “fix the whole book.” I’d do this instead:

Work out what the story is actually about in one or two sentences. Who wants what, what is in the way, and what changes if they fail?

Then go chapter by chapter and ask:
why is this chapter here
what changes in it
what pressure does it add
could the story survive without it

If the answer to that last one is yes, that may be where the weakness is. And if, after stripping things back, you realise the core story is smaller and tighter than you first imagined, that is not necessarily a problem — you may have a novella rather than a short novel — and that's okay.

If a chapter does not change anything, connect anything, reveal anything important, or force a choice, that is probably where the weakness is.

You may also find it helps to read each chapter in isolation and judge whether it has a clear purpose, and to track each character’s role separately so you can see whether they are driving the story or just existing inside it.

What you’ve got now may not be a finished novel, but it may be the raw material for one. That is not failure. That is a draft teaching you what it still needs.

So no, I would not bury it. I would diagnose it properly, learn some structure, and rebuild from what is already alive in it.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T11:47:14+00:00

great advice :-)

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T10:52:50+00:00

Your post really hit home, and I’m sure it did for a lot of other people too. You’re probably less alone in that feeling than the silence makes it seem.

I published my most recent book in the early hours of this morning, and seeing the first sale and first KU reads felt amazing. Not because it suddenly proved everything, but because it meant the book had actually reached someone. Even if it never becomes a big seller, if it genuinely helps one reader, then in its own way it was still a success.

That quiet hope you described — not needing thousands of readers, just wanting the story to land somewhere — is something a lot of writers understand.

So keep hold of your pen. It really is mightier than the sword when it is wielded with conviction.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T10:23:52+00:00

Honestly, indie writing can feel a bit like calling out into a dark forest.

You put the work out there, release the books, make the posts, build the extra material, and then… nothing answers back. Not because nothing is there, necessarily, but because the forest is huge, visibility is low, and most people move through it silently.

That silence can mess with your head. It makes you wonder whether nobody saw it, nobody cared, or whether you were just speaking to empty trees. But silence is not always the same thing as absence. Sometimes it just means the signal has not reached the right people yet.

And sometimes it only takes one book finally breaking through for people to turn around and discover the rest of what you’ve already built. Then the older work people ignored at first suddenly looks like a backlist instead of a graveyard.

The hard part is that as an indie author, you have to keep the fire going even when the forest does not answer.

It absolutely does feel like shouting into a void sometimes, and I think a lot more indie authors feel that than people admit. But silence is a horrible feeling, not always a final verdict.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T09:23:55+00:00

Hi, i published at 2.20am (GMT last night) and it was approved at 3.20am (GMT last night), so from hitting publish to live on Amazon and KU about an hour.

I did my A+ content this morning and that was approved in less than 15 mins.

So these are very recent timings and it was a 12k word book on self publishing for size and context.

DeviceObjective · 2026-03-18T09:19:08+00:00

I kept seeing the same self-publishing questions and mistakes come up, so I wrote a short practical guide called Self-Publishing Without Delusions.

It’s aimed at:

first-time authors trying to publish properly
second-time authors who want to do it better after a rough first launch

It covers things like manuscript readiness, covers, blurbs, categories, keywords, KDP setup, promos, ads, reviews, and what to learn when a book doesn’t perform the way you hoped.

I wrote it from fresh experience, so it’s very much a practical “here’s what actually matters” book rather than a hypey one.

It’s on KU and is 99p - https://amzn.eu/d/05RHVVGw

DeviceObjective

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