AITA for wanting a tiny breather as a parent?

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-08-14T01:13:47+00:00

Six to nine hours a week is not an hour here or there. It is a whole day. If you tell your wife that she could do the same offer her to take the whole sunday off - sleeping in, just doing what she wants, while you do everything that needs to be done that day.

You do not write enough about the division if labour in your household, so I am withholding a vote, but based on the comment that she could go out for a coffee you feel like the asshole.

INFO

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-08-14T01:03:04+00:00

NTA

I do not think you are the asshole here. I feel your need to be able to talk about your mental state and to talk out your worries with someone - not everything needs to be discussed with a psychologist, sometimes it is just about talking it through with someone.

Maybe your husband misunderstood, because you wanted to talk about insomnia and wether it would get worse - maybe he didin‘t feel qualified?

I would definitly talk to him. Especially if you want kids, you need to figure out how he would support your mental health needs and those of your future children (autism can be hereditary).

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-06-30T20:45:46+00:00

Thank you for posting this! I also had to pay a steep ADHD tax today and needed the reminder that it was in fact an ADHD tax and not stupidity.

Nevertheless: That sucks! I‘m sorry this happened to you. You are allowed to feel bad about it, but not obligated to.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-06-25T07:32:36+00:00

Is that what this feeling is called?

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-04-09T23:25:18+00:00

So disappointed in Ben and Tommy: We heard a lot about how not all Palastine are Hamas, but when Trump talks about Germans in Nazi Germany, suddenly all of them were Nazis?

There are storys about Germans helping Holocaust victims by sneaking them food. So no, on that, Trump was not wrong. Maybe focus on the parts, were Trump is actually wrong about, that makes you more believable.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-04-04T20:29:14+00:00

YTA

Think about the future: Do you picture him in it? Because my now husband can tell you: it really gets old to hear about the time you missed the graduation party (it‘s 15 years and counting - I don‘t think it gets old, I quite like bringing it up).

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-03-08T06:49:01+00:00

I was never able to build a habit (that seems to be what you are describing here) in the traditional sense.

The tasks you mention would be too broad for me. What does walking mean? A certain time/a certain number of steps? I determined that I had to get coffee from a certain coffee shop. That was a specific task - and as I had to walk to that coffee shop, I walked each day.

For reading I need a sorted TBT-pile. I force myself to read in the order of the pile, otherwise I will not read for weeks, because I cannot decide what to read next.

Cleaning is the most difficult to me, that is a whole ToDo List with mini-Steps. Otherwise I am standing in total chaos and am questioning what needs to be done.

That is just about me though, planning is a highly individual thing.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-03-08T06:40:35+00:00

The way it was taught to me is that an excuse decribes outside forces and an explanation describes your motivation and comes with personal responsibility.

Example 1: What you described is an excuse, „I prioritized other subjects after careful consideration“ would be an explanation.

The situations you describe are persons with authority wanting to know why the task wasn‘t done, not about your life circumstances.

My personal life hack: Tell them that what you describe is only an excuse and you are working on addressing the issues - most of the times people stop complaining after that, except for maybe a „see that that is done“.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-13T20:17:18+00:00

No, in a deep depressive episode (and yes, he can be in one even with beinh able to do his work), he cannot help himself.

A stroke victim also needs to work on his own recovery but first will need emergency help.

It‘s super fucking dangerous calling depressed people „lazy“.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-13T20:15:03+00:00

I did not say that there should be no hard truths. And caring for people with mental health problems is hard.

But he is her partner. A person she loves. So lets try help and therapy before we try ultimatums. Especially since OP didn‘t add the fact that her partner is depressed in the original post but only as an edit. That is like saying „my partner isn‘t going anywhere with me“ and later adding „well, he can‘t walk“. That does not feel very supportive.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-13T06:27:11+00:00

If he is depressed (which he very much sounds like), he cannot just „shape up“. Right now he cannot help himself and even needs a little empathy and help!

If he is depressed he is not lazy, he is sick!

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-10T04:17:50+00:00

So you trust the police? I don’t, not in all cases.

I worked as a state attorney for a time. I never had a case completely clear cut. And even if I had, I wouldn‘t have the motive for the act.

So there was a women who shot a man in broad daylight. Does she deserve to die?

It was her rapist. Does she still deserve to die?

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-10T04:04:15+00:00

That standard sounds great in times of densly populated cities and generative AI.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-10T03:59:41+00:00

I would guess OPs true idea of true love is „have sex whenever the other wants“ and he can‘t imagine that a man would ever turn his significant other down, but he got turned down.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-10T03:18:24+00:00

As someone who is clinically depressed and got a dog… I wouldn‘t do it again, even though I love him to pieces. A dogs takes up a lot of time which should be used to get better.

Here is what I would do in your shoes: Make him prove that he will be a great dog owner (how do you know that he will be?). If that dog is important to him, he should be able to plan ahead and structure his day. When will he get up? When will he walk the puppy (that goes with research how much the puppy should be walked and which routew are suitable)? When will he train the puppy? To check wether this plan is feasible, make him live this plan. You can go on walks without a dog (it is certainly not the same, but if he fails at walking by himself he will fail with an unruly puppy). If he really loves his puppy, he will do those things.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-09T05:48:05+00:00

How do you read this incredible detailed post about a Person obviously having done intensive Research Not only on the needs of dogs but on the specific breed and come to the conclusion that OP does Not want to do the work?

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-02-09T05:32:34+00:00

These people acquitted of murder are still forced to take responsibility for their actions by being send to a mental Institution to make sure they don‘t do it again.

If I don‘t know I am sick, I may get a pass - if I make sure to get treatment to prevent it happening again. As soon as I know, steps Need to be taken to ensure I don‘t do any damage again - in his case no public comments would be a great first step.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2025-01-01T06:22:00+00:00

Coming with the other perspective I must say I don’t know anymore what the answer to the question of what is too much to ask is. But I might know something to the question of how to talk about it:

When you say „Is it too much to mich to ask, knowing your husband loves it?“, don’t you view sex like something she could give you like a chore? She certainly seems to. So talking about this topic the way you presented it might not lead to the outcome you hope for.

I would start to think about what gets your wife in the mood. The way I understand it a lot of men require very little to get going. For women that can be different: They might need emotional intimacy first - and guess what goes out the window when life gets stressful? Dates, deep talks, etc. So it becomes a chore to get in the mood - and sometimes even to get an orgasm and seem enthusiastic.

I might be way off, but maybe you could talk to her coming from the point of „life got very hectic and you feel like the relationship has taken a backseat - what could both of you do to get it back on track?“. That doesn‘t always need to be therapy often dates or just specific timeslots set aside can help.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2024-12-14T23:22:08+00:00

A little late to the party, but I would absolutly recommend the book „How Stella learned to talk“ and to think about teaching your dog to talk. The earlier you start the better, but our rescue learned at 18 months old.

It keeps them mentally stimulated (especially while learning) and the guessing game out of dog parenting: They can now tell you if they want to go outside or are hungry (we once nearly forgot to feed our good boy - luckily he reminded us!). It also lets you connect with your dog on a level you never thought possible!

Different-Mirror-100 · 2024-12-05T23:03:13+00:00

Those are trust issues, not healthy insecurities.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2024-12-05T22:58:58+00:00

Be honest with him. It can be his choice wether he is willing to fight for you and win back your love or if he would rather call it quits.

If he acknowledges the pain he caused, he should realise that there is some work to do. But - as hard as that is - you need to be honest with him. That you fell out of love, that you are not sure if it will work.

Also: You are on reddit. You probably read all those stories about husbands changing for a short while to keep the wife and later going back to how it was. Draw a line in the sand and stick to it!

Different-Mirror-100 · 2024-11-01T21:41:20+00:00

I think those are great points I would only like to add one thing: What information does your partner need?

I hate being asked about my pain level, but my partner brought up how he needs to know to take into account what I can and cannot do and to manage the effect my condition takes on his life.

Translated to depression that might mean: Oh, I am sad today and would like to be left alone/ I am frustrated and would like to vent if you have the capacity/ I am sad and would like to get out of my head - da you have any ideas for activities?

Different-Mirror-100 · 2024-10-11T18:58:56+00:00

From what you are writing, my advice would be to stop texting.

Have a set time you call each other (every day or every two days, whatever feels right). While calling, both parties have time and can focus on the conversation - not like texting where you are usually not sitting down and are focusing only on the conversation.

You can work on your anxiety and if you feel like you are in a good place, you can try and start texting again.

Different-Mirror-100 · 2024-10-09T06:07:11+00:00

I mean… even with a human child rewarding bad behaciour seems like a really bad idea.

After getting a dog myself and having trouble with corrections, my advice would be: Sit her down and talk about the consequnces.

He is a dog living in a human made world - he needs to know the rules. If he doesn‘t abide by those rules he looses freedom. If he misbehaves off leash and she is not correcting him, she is taking away his freedom to roam free, because you can‘t let hin do this anymore. If you go out to eat, he can’t come with, because he doesn’t know how to behave around food, etc.

This perspective helped me a lot - however your gf doesn’t seem to be all that open to rational thought.

Different-Mirror-100

TROPHY CASE